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Original poster

Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

144 replies

Atovell · 07/05/2024 00:10

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

OP posts:
tara66 · 10/05/2024 16:13

I went for a lunch with someone to a place in Knightsbridge long ago with my 2 year old son. I had never taken him to a restaurant before. He was very naughty and I mostly just remember he actually jumped from table top to table top round the room - luckily the place had mostly emptied by then. I only ever took him to MacDonalds after that - until he was about 25.

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 10/05/2024 17:30

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops

Why the fuck did they waste their time going to the lakes if they just wanted to do that?! Did they walk or climb anything or take any interest in the landscape??

Mimimimi1234 · 10/05/2024 20:05

This is why they have hotels and holiday resorts that are family orientated and its a booming industry. I wouldnt bother taking my kids on a holiday designed for adults. Its a stressful and expensive pointless excercise and not a holiday for anyone. Insist on family orientated accomodation next time you go away.

Imisssleep2 · 11/05/2024 03:51

They are expecting to much of a 2yo. We have always gone out to dinner with our now 3.5yo and 1.5 to 2hrs is his limit and that's with multiple toys, colouring and stickers books, broken up with a 3 course meal. But we do this once or twice a month, not every day, 3 times a day. When we were away for a few days the breakfast at the hotel was buffet, so no waiting apart from everyone to finish, lunch was normally a picnic outside somewhere and then a proper dinner, but in-between was fun activities for our son, looking round shops generally isn't fun for them, especially as they can't touch everything. I know they say you should still do the things you want as an adult with kids, ie not just everything the child wants to do, but it has to be a bit of give and take from everyone. Between meals should be activities where your child can let off steam but everyone can enjoy, your in the lake District, go exploring the countryside, then just a 2 hour sit down meal at dinner imo.

Alwaytired44 · 11/05/2024 12:07

Mumoftwo1312 · 07/05/2024 00:27

Why did you join them for every single meal/outing? You could have (should have) done your own days out and just joined them for one of the meals in each day.

I only ever go on holiday with anyone on the understanding we do not need to be joined at the hip. Even including my own nuclear family - we recently went on holiday in the uk just the four of us, and regularly split up, one parent to one child. You could easily have done this - dp with ils, you with dc.

I've seen this misspelt on mumsnet "divide and concur". As in "you and dd go to the playground while I stay here and feed ds. Do you divide and concur?" Edit - that's how we jokily use the phrase since I saw it like that! I do know it's divide and conquer!

Edited

The trip was OP, DP, DS and MIL. I’d expect they wouldn’t leave MIL on her own?

FancyBee · 11/05/2024 16:48

froggirl · 07/05/2024 02:21

Obviously it's unreasonable to expect this from a 2 year old.

But you are also being unreasonable for not being a bit more assertive and saying you will skip the restaurant and take him to the park or whatever.

You didn't have to follow along and do what they wanted to do all the time.

why should be the one missing out on food though? if that was the meal they were having that then means shes missing out on a meal... husband (&dad) was there - she had expressed concerns about it beforehand, he should have been the one to put his foot down to his parents & also taken his own child into consideration and also not gone to resturants

Kathryn1983 · 11/05/2024 17:51

This is all 2 year olds and you've done the right thing
exposing to eating out is a great thing to do good to learn to sit and enjoy the experience whilst having age appropriate expectations of behavior
it's perfectly fine to wander around whilst you wait for service and come in to eat and if amenable a bit of colouring or stickers or toys for a bit then right back outside!
as for other activities my opinion is holidays are for us all so I do wander around towns and look in shops and such with my kids and tough if they're a bit bored it's not all day every day but I alsp love taking them to places they can be a bit Wild and there are loads in the lakes! Next time just plan / book a couple of days every other day that's focus on him and if grandma wants to come great if not meet for dinner after 🤷‍♀️

RadRad · 11/05/2024 18:25

Not a chance would my 2 year old endure this, it’s not fair on the child and it’s not fair on you. Your partner is very unreasonable to go along with this. Next time don’t take the MIL.

Delatron · 11/05/2024 18:31

Sounds like any normal 2 year old. And no fun for him. Just don’t go on holiday with her again - especially not for 5 days. You both have different expectations for a holiday. Your DP should support you in this.

So many people on this site holiday with their in-laws. We did it once. Never again.

110APiccadilly · 11/05/2024 18:41

I think a two year old, with appropriate input from adults (and toys, colouring, books, etc) should generally be able to get through a meal in a restaurant.

But not three times a day. I'm not sure I could get through that without needing to go outside for a breather and I'm in my thirties!

Original poster
Atovell · 11/05/2024 21:09

Again thanks for the replies, I didn’t expect so many!

just to reiterate, I did of course take DS on walks and to parks and on boat trips and to feed ducks etc (everything that he would like) but it was just the expectation of him to sit and enjoy a sit down meal, 3 times a day. We left the table early most of the time, but I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for taking him away due to MIL comments of ‘ on my children say perfectly for hours at restaurants’. It made me feel like I had a misbehaved child but I now know I don’t!!

thanks MN!! You have made me feel a lot better.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 11/05/2024 22:08

Atovell · 11/05/2024 21:09

Again thanks for the replies, I didn’t expect so many!

just to reiterate, I did of course take DS on walks and to parks and on boat trips and to feed ducks etc (everything that he would like) but it was just the expectation of him to sit and enjoy a sit down meal, 3 times a day. We left the table early most of the time, but I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for taking him away due to MIL comments of ‘ on my children say perfectly for hours at restaurants’. It made me feel like I had a misbehaved child but I now know I don’t!!

thanks MN!! You have made me feel a lot better.

Your MIL is either lying or had ridiculously docile children! I've never known any 2 year old sit for hours passively in a restaurant!

FarmersWife2019 · 11/05/2024 22:20

@Atovell As a mum to a 2yo (nearly 2 1/2yo) I couldn’t think of anything more stressful and boring than multiple meals a day in restaurants, pubs or cafes.
Mealtimes for us at the moment can be hit or miss and whilst he sometimes he eats everything in sight without a fuss it can also sometimes be a bit of a battle. When we eat out as a family I try to feed him his main meal before we go and snacks at the table. It’s worked well so far and his mealtimes are earlier than when DH and I would eat anyway.
The amount of boredom for him just sitting at a table for hours outside of the actual eating part would be overwhelming. He would
want to be exploring. How was this a holiday for you?! I’d be knackered trying to keep up the charade.
Btw, your MIL is lying when she said her children loved eating out and would sit there for hours. She’s saying this to put YOU down despite her ‘well behaved’ child being your DC’s father. At least your DH has now changed his tune and is supporting you.

Original poster
Atovell · 11/05/2024 22:40

FarmersWife2019 · 11/05/2024 22:20

@Atovell As a mum to a 2yo (nearly 2 1/2yo) I couldn’t think of anything more stressful and boring than multiple meals a day in restaurants, pubs or cafes.
Mealtimes for us at the moment can be hit or miss and whilst he sometimes he eats everything in sight without a fuss it can also sometimes be a bit of a battle. When we eat out as a family I try to feed him his main meal before we go and snacks at the table. It’s worked well so far and his mealtimes are earlier than when DH and I would eat anyway.
The amount of boredom for him just sitting at a table for hours outside of the actual eating part would be overwhelming. He would
want to be exploring. How was this a holiday for you?! I’d be knackered trying to keep up the charade.
Btw, your MIL is lying when she said her children loved eating out and would sit there for hours. She’s saying this to put YOU down despite her ‘well behaved’ child being your DC’s father. At least your DH has now changed his tune and is supporting you.

yes thank you, I agree completely. This was not a holiday for me at all, I pre warned them prior to this and they said that ‘ don’t worry we will all chip in to help’ and that wasn’t the case. I took DS elsewhere as much as I could, i tried to keep up appearances but by day 2 I had enough and me and DS done our own thing. DP did follow and try to help but I think he felt stuck in the middle as it was MIL birthday holiday and she has treated us.

we have both agreed it won’t happen again and they need to be more cautious of DS age and his attention span…..I just wanted to know if my DS was different from everyone else’s children due to MIL comments of ‘ my children say perfectly for hours at restaurants’…

this has no way in any means been a holiday for me or for DP to be fair. We argued everyday but I think he has realised that MIL had too high expectations of DS and it won’t happen again.

we have bloke Butlins in June just for the 3 of us

OP posts:
Original poster
Atovell · 11/05/2024 22:41

Atovell · 11/05/2024 22:40

yes thank you, I agree completely. This was not a holiday for me at all, I pre warned them prior to this and they said that ‘ don’t worry we will all chip in to help’ and that wasn’t the case. I took DS elsewhere as much as I could, i tried to keep up appearances but by day 2 I had enough and me and DS done our own thing. DP did follow and try to help but I think he felt stuck in the middle as it was MIL birthday holiday and she has treated us.

we have both agreed it won’t happen again and they need to be more cautious of DS age and his attention span…..I just wanted to know if my DS was different from everyone else’s children due to MIL comments of ‘ my children say perfectly for hours at restaurants’…

this has no way in any means been a holiday for me or for DP to be fair. We argued everyday but I think he has realised that MIL had too high expectations of DS and it won’t happen again.

we have bloke Butlins in June just for the 3 of us

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OP posts:
Original poster
Atovell · 11/05/2024 22:51

Pin0cchio · 09/05/2024 23:12

My pil used to be like this. They'd plan a family event focussed around a long lunch, 2-3 hours adults sat round a table talking, zero means of occupying our toddlers.

This is the sort of behaviour of people who probably don't in fact want to accomodate a child at all.

the more I think about this, the more I can’t help but think MIL just saw our DS as some sort of trophy. We met the DP and MIL family once on the trip (for lunch of course) and we had to attend as they travelled 2 hours to meet us and had never met DS and were excited to meet him.

during the whole meal she did not pay one bit of attention to DS and when he did act up (make loud noises or get up from table to go outside as the place was by the lake and there were lots of ducks who he wanted to feed) she said ‘ pack it in ‘ or just simply ignored him. Even though she had promised prior she would ‘ chip in and make it less stressful’ when I told her my worries.

the more I tell all the more angry I get as I feel so angry and annoyed for my DS, I know deep down he was just behaving like a normal 2 year old and I don’t even know why I have asked for clarification from others. I know I have a kind, loving, playful and normal 2yo - it seems like they dont

OP posts:
Delatron · 11/05/2024 23:00

I really don’t think people ate out as much back then? So your MIL is clearly misremembered/lying. We certainly didn’t go to lots of restaurants as young children.

Delatron · 11/05/2024 23:01

If she was so disinterested in him from birth there’s no way I would be going on holiday with her.

llizzie · 11/05/2024 23:14

Atovell · Today 21:09

It has struck me that perhaps MIL et al actually hoped you would leave, so they could have a meal together without children.

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