Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

[Atovell]

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

So many options between that and butlins.

Some things we have done: airbnb near the seaside: one naice restaurant meal a day, otherwise picnics/fish and chips on the beach. Breakfast in the holiday cottage just like home.

Luxury toddler friendly hotels like the Ickworth and New Park Manor. Fine dining with a playground!

We haven't done the lake district with the kids but we've done the peak district where my ILs live. So many things to do like go to the petting farm, etc.

Before I vote one way or another, how long is 'hours and hours on end'? I wouldn't expect anyone to sit for however long that is supposed to be.

My children are adults. When they were young my MIL - who I loved very much - told me off for giving them ice cream in the street. She said they should be taken to an ice cream parlour. Well they didn't have any of those outside London where we lived, but it made me think, so I took to taking them into a tea room in the town, where they could have what they wanted and it was just me and them.

They were devils at home, every mealtime, something, but whenever we ate out, they were just lovely. We had the whole class in to birthday parties when they were little, so they behaved then, and later had birthday parties in restaurants with waiters singing bringing in the cake.
I think children can be taught at a very early age how to behave in public, but they may have to let rip somewhere, and if that was at home, I accepted it, because I could take them out from toddlers.

Hell no! I would be bored and irritable and I'm 43. My children at that age would never have managed that. It's a bit unreasonable of the in laws not to expect some fun stuff to be added on for your son, swimming, soft play etc... May have made the meal times more bearable. I doubt I would go away with them again.

We took DS(3) to Sheffield, he loves anything with wheels so wanted to go on the tram. You can get the train into the peak district, also plenty of indoor options if the weather is rotten (we did the emergency services museum and the trampoline park, there is also swimming, climbing, ice skating, Lego shop...

Thanks for everyone’s replies. As I said previously, I think we all felt obliged to follow MIL lead as she paid for the trip. I did take DS to the parks, alpaca farm, boat trips etc but it was just the meal times that we felt we had to be there for.

after a couple of days and it was very clear DS wasn’t up for these sit down meals, I took us both out of the situation and done something fun and that I knew he would enjoy and be content.

MIL just made me feel that DS was being badly behaved as she said ‘ my children used to love eating out and would sit there for hours nicely’…..

as I say, lesson learnt and I will definitely be more assertive when they suggest doing said things in future.

I would be annoyed if sitting in a restaurant 3 times a day lol and I love my food .. next time just don’t holiday with them

It really depends how you eat at home. The three of you sit at the table for every meal, breakfast included, it might work. You eat wherever and whenever, taking a bite and wandering off, in from of the telly, with a screen, it will be a disaster.
Expectations were too high on both sides.

I live 20 mins from the Lakes and apart from the odd Michelin Star rated restaurants, most of the food around here is extra luxurious pub grub with a postcoded price tag. You pay for a tad nicer than nice food in a nicer setting and the food isn’t that much different wherever you go. Meal with a lake or fell view will probably cost a fiver more compared to the same meal with a view of a village street. How you’ve afforded to eat out three times daily I don’t know!
You’ve missed out on so much, especially your child. So much exploring to do and lots of child friendly walks and activities. I feel sorry you’ve wasted what could have been an amazing break with your little one, through no fault of your own. So many family venues with on site eateries so everyone could have been accommodated fairly easily.
MIL needs to go and have days out on her own or holiday on her own, she sounds very selfish and your DP should have made you and your son his priority.

This sounds like a nightmare and I'd be so incredibly stressed I'm not sure I'd last the whole trip before I packed up and went home

For god’s sake - he’s two! Totally normal behaviour. If you DH and MIL can’t understand this let them go on an adults only holiday together and take your boy to have age appropriate fun elsewhere.

Is anyone's 2 year old NOT like this???

I would have let DS go full tilt and leave the two of them to deal with it.

I think old(er) people just forget how it is...

No I wouldn't expect a two year old to manage that.

I'd question why the two adults need pandering too more than the two year old.

I'd plan some day trips next time. Lakes are beautiful and there's loads of fab stuff for kids to do.

Your mil can do what she likes but your dh needs to be entertaining your child with you.

when DS was late primary age I could manage him on fairly grown up holidays so long as we found about 3 parks a day (lots of beautiful medieval European cities have parks as well as historic architecture). And that was 7-9 years older than your DS

Never mind the 2 year old, it’s a huge waste of the lake district for anyone, just walking round shops and going to restaurants! When our eldest was 2 he climbed one of the highest peaks in the lakes under his own steam and thoroughly enjoyed it. I do expect toddlers to be able to sit through a meal out generally but not 3x a day everyday. I wouldn’t sit politely for that number of trips out and I’m in my 40s! If I were you I would pack up some sandwiches and take your toddler out on some adventures instead, then maybe meet up for an evening meal.

How come dealing with your DS was down to you? Did your DH not step up occasionally? I wouldn’t be going on holiday with the MIL for a while. Sounds like she wants a child free / stress free holiday.

Sounds like it's been a holiday for your in-laws and not you or DS.

This. Why wasn't DH doing half the wrangling?

And I feel for you with the slow eating. DM takes hours and expects everyone to sit politely waiting for her. Aarrrrrgggghhhhhh. She'll pick up a fork, start talking and I'm staring at it, willing it to get bloody eaten so we can LEAVE.

Stop taking free holidays and plan and pay for your own?

Centre parcs will be perfect for you.

Lots of stuff to do with DC and child friendly bars/restaurants for evening meals but make sure you book in advance as they get booked up. They have colouring pads and play areas in each.

We've been centre parcs every year since DS was 18 months old and he's 18 this summer.

No

Just what inflexible reality are you all living in?

Everyone needs an element of flexibility. And holidays need to cater for everyone's needs.

Your husband and mother sound incredibly overweight if they happily eat out 3 times a day.

However their needs seem to be to eat perpetually.

You son needs stimulation and entertainment. Preferably away from the food table, or he's going to turn into a real porker.

So do your research. There should be an activity every single day on holiday that engages your child - swimming pool, beach, local attraction, boat trip, animal farm, historical site, making friends with other children.

Make sure you go online and research and put together an activity plan for your holiday.

Get MIL and husband to take charge for one activity day involving your son - because you need downtime too. Or all enjoy it as a family.

But just remember you are setting your son's expectations for life. You are engaging him and stimulating his curiousity.

Maybe you should ask husband and MIL what their family childhood holiday were like.

I may be wrong, but it sounds like husband and family are not "foodies", they're just basic gluttons.

Lake District - known for its beautiful countryside - how much of it did your family see? Or did they only see what was on the plates in front of them?

They could have stayed at home to walk around shops & eat out 3 times a day.

What a complete waste of a break in the Lake District!

Poor child (& poor you).

I love eating out but it's not practical to sit for hours in a restaurant with a toddler. Your DP and MIL are being selfish. I'd make sure you're the one to plan the next holiday and factor in activities for your little one (petting zoo/farms/adventure play parks/swimming pool) and family friendly places to eat (indoor/outdoor play area, pub garden) and if MIL complains, tell her you'll be having child friendly holidays from now on so if she's not keen on that, perhaps she should holiday separately?

What part of my posts insinuates we don’t pay for our own holidays? It just happens this particular one MIL paid for.

Eating 3 meals a day means they are overweight? It sounds like your family childhood needs questioning, not theirs.

You couldn’t be farther from the truth regarding your comments, but I did find the comment about only seeing what was on the plates in front of them quite funny. I can’t argue with that one, it seems they look forward to the food more than the place.

Should you only feed a child one meal a day to reduce the risk of obesity? Asking for a friend.

3 meals a day in restuarants is she madd-i only do that on all inclusives

your p sousd useless- whats with all "I took ds out" why didnt dp?