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AIBU?

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Original poster

Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

144 replies

Atovell · 07/05/2024 00:10

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

OP posts:
DoughBallss · 09/05/2024 11:51

We went away with our friends and 1 year old a while back and they were the same, in the end we basically ended up having separate plans during the day and meeting up at night. They’ve asked to go away again and we’ve just avoided it - daughter is 4 now and we have another so our holidays are all about the kids.

Everyone is different, I don’t know if some kids are naturally calmer or if they’re used to just having to sit there but ours won’t. Daughter will now she’s a bit older but not at 2 she wouldn’t

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/05/2024 13:13

On occasion, my 2.5 year old can just about make it through a dinner in a restaurant. If she's allowed to draw, or play a bit, or her older cousins are there to help entertain at the table.

Three times in one day wouldn't happen. She's full of beans and likes to be busy. She's not hard to entertain, a walk in the lake district would be perfect because there's stuff to see, collect, investigate. But I'm a restaurant she is hard to entertain because she doesn't want to sit and not disturb other people. She also doesn't care about "fine dining" or being a foodie. She likes food, she eats well, but she'd be over the moon with nuggets or sausages for every meal.

AuraBora · 09/05/2024 13:27

I have a 2.5 year old and when we were on holiday last year in France we ended up hardly eating out at all as it just wasn't worth it with the toddler. I do think it's good to get them accustomed to family dinners out but we do that when in the UK and I just couldn't face the staring from the locals (muttering in French or just giving us looks!)
The idea of 3 meals out per day with a toddler!! Ridiculous and I'd also get bored!

Good to see most people on the same page here.. although I did have a good laugh at reply banging on about being overweight, I think it's perfectly possible to eat 3 meals a day and not have a weight problem!

hydriotaphia · 09/05/2024 13:34

YANBU this is totally mean. 2 year olds are a joy (challenging but a joy) and this holiday sounds like a punishment for one.

BreakingAndBroke · 09/05/2024 13:56

Mine wouldn't cope with sitting still that long at that age. They would have been bored senseless. I'd be bored senseless waiting an hour for someone to finish lunch! Can you pack a picnic and a blanket next time?

Jeannie88 · 09/05/2024 17:34

Yanbu at all. Xx

Sjh15 · 09/05/2024 20:58

I deliberately don’t take my son (2.5) out to eat very often to a restaurant as he will sit to eat but he will sit still 20 mins tops. He just wants to be outside exploring too. I’d be b very mad if this was my holiday plans and I just wouldn’t do it with my ds

Sjh15 · 09/05/2024 21:01

Atovell · 07/05/2024 23:05

You’re right - however I’m not sure what that is at the moment? The original plan was 5 nights in Liverpool (I have been before but when I was with friends and childless!) but I said I don’t think Liverpool is a place for a toddler. It then changed to the LD.

I wouldn’t expect MIL to do Butlins I guess, however when she changed to the LD from Liverpool I thought it sounded more child friendly however I guess she had other ideas on what that meant. She did suggest the pencil museum for DS but I opted for the Alpaca farm for me and him!

I am feeling slightly more optimistic as DP now agrees with me and knows our DS will not enjoy sitting at a table for hours everyday.

we have booked center parcs and Butlins now, just us 3!

Show quote history

my DS absolutely loved both butlins and center parcs. Have a fab time!

seasaltbarbie · 09/05/2024 21:34

I have a 3 year old and it’s totally normal, doesn’t sound like a very nice holiday for you or your kid but you seem like you handled it well. It’s unfair of them to expect your toddler to be happy with that.

mezlou84 · 09/05/2024 22:55

My 2yr old and 3yr old (both autistic) will sit while we order and eat but that's it and certainly not being there and back and there and back. There is a limit and they certainly need stimulation through the rest of the day not there, then shops and there again. They're kids and need to do things that are fun for them too. I would of been no sorry we are off to the farm today or going to see a waterfall. We usually take a dinner picnic and eat tea out doing things like this. It'd be boring for me lol nevermind a 2yr old and would pretend to be so ill so I didn't have to go 😂. Poor kiddy doesn't have that choice and knowledge yet. I would maybe do their thing one day and rest would be our things.

bradpittsbathwater · 09/05/2024 23:10

That sounds like such a boring holiday for a child. I hope your DH didn't expect you to pick up the slack while him and his DM enjoyed hours of food each day. I love eating out but that would even bore me to tears.

Pin0cchio · 09/05/2024 23:12

My pil used to be like this. They'd plan a family event focussed around a long lunch, 2-3 hours adults sat round a table talking, zero means of occupying our toddlers.

This is the sort of behaviour of people who probably don't in fact want to accomodate a child at all.

ButterCrackers · 09/05/2024 23:16

One meal a day in a restaurant is fine for a child and breakfast if you’re at a hotel but longer than that no Tell your dh that he has to limit his gourmet standards to once a day. Kids need to explore where they are and not see restaurants and shops all day every day.

NoThanksymm · 10/05/2024 05:08

They wanna do that they can deal with the kiddo this isn’t all on you!

WonderingAboutThus · 10/05/2024 05:54

I fully expect my kids (1-8yo) to sit through a proper dinner at a restaurant and behave. And they do.

But this just sounds tedious! Who has time for this amount of restaurants? I wouldn't, and I wouldn't expect any child to either.

It's not a holiday if it carers to only some of you.

Duechristmas · 10/05/2024 08:02

It's perfectly acceptable to get a two year old to sit well in a restaurant...
Once in a blue moon at a family occasion.
What they're asking is perfectly unacceptable, poor kid, he wants to be out exploring then a pit stop to refuel. YANBU in the slightest.

justlonelystars · 10/05/2024 08:13

Definitely not 3 times a day. We take our 2 year old out for lunch at a “proper” restaurant at least once a week and he is mostly good with that. If we’re having a full 3 courses, he often needs to be taken outside before dessert arrives to blow off some energy. We never do evening meals as he will be too grouchy at that point of the day. Obviously on holiday we also have breakfast in the hotel restaurant and he’s generally fine with this.

Tbh, I’d have gone off and done my own thing with LO rather than traipse around with the in laws. There’s so many fantastic things for little ones up in the lakes.

Elaina87 · 10/05/2024 12:23

Of course he needs to get up and explore, do you have to go to every meal with them? But as long as they don't have an issue with you taking him for a run around while waiting for the food etc then it doesn't seem like it needs to be a huge deal. If they do have an issue with that then they are being silly.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 10/05/2024 12:42

This is really sad, they've missed out on doing fun things with their son/grandson by being like this. From this age onwards we had basically realised holidays needed to be based on finding things the kids liked, because when they're happy, we are happy! We would do things like go to farm parks, play parks, petting zoos, national trust properties, nature trails and then find nice delis to cook ourselves delicious food once they are in bed, or get a babysitter if we wanted to eat out.
Obviously not the whole holiday but he's 1/4 of the people on the trip, so it's only fair some of it focuses on what he likes and everything you do fits his basic needs (aka not to sit still for 2 straight hours)!

PopandFizz · 10/05/2024 13:23

The question shouldn't be 'is anyone else's 2 year old like this' and should be is anyone else's MIL and DP like this!
You have a little one now, you need to go on family focussed holidays. Its not fair to drag the poor sausage around eateries and shops all day.

I'd refuse to go on future holidays that aren't child focussed, it's not fair at all!

Nuttyputty · 10/05/2024 14:25

Eugh can't stand people who think when they have a child (grandchild) their lives won't change at all and the kid will just fit into it. Doesn't always work like that.

Ny mother is exactly the same, expects very young children to be happy traipsing around the shops all day and then sit for hours in a coffee shop reading a newspaper

Yawnfest79 · 10/05/2024 15:48

No, YANBU! We actively avoid taking 5,3,1 to restaurants at all let alone 3 times a day! We come armed with entertainment even if it is just iPads! Of course children don’t want to sit still while everyone enjoys a a meal and a drink! Kids want to be up and at it! Well, mine do anyway! I’ve heard of some calm children that prefer to sit and paint etc but mine are non stop and prefer to be moving! Sitting and painting etc doesn’t last long!

Realtalking · 10/05/2024 15:51

Definitely not being unreasonable!

I have a 2.5 y/o and she would be so bored, we avoid going out for food for this reason and couldn’t imagine doing it 3 times a day with her. She also wants to run around and explore, it’s not fair to expect them to sit still for that long.

This is something my DM would do and lately I’ve just had to be really blunt and say it’s not fun for me trying to entertain DD unless she wants to do the entertaining, which of course she doesn’t.

Polishedshoesalways · 10/05/2024 16:02

Holy cow. A 2 year should be running around! Wth

Polishedshoesalways · 10/05/2024 16:03

It’s normal to go to family friendly places where children can be children. yanbu