To think babies shouldn’t ruin relationships

[lighttheresomewhere]

It’s so interesting and genuinely so heartwrenching to see the amount of posts on here (and hear it in real life too) about the amount of relationships that drastically change for the worst and even break after having a baby/babies.

we have a 11 month old and I feel like it’s brought us even closer. My husband is a fantastic dad and husband and last night I got all dressed up for him coming to bed and when we were going to sleep he said thank you for making sure we didn’t lose us. I said what do you mean? He said ‘we haven’t lost us’. He started saying about the roommate phase and how we never went through that etc. I said it wasn’t a conscious decision it was just natural that I wanted to have sex pretty early on again, I wanted us to still have date nights and be us but it subconscious. I told him I fell in love with him all over again in a whole new way seeing him bond with the baby.

im not trying to be antagonistic or anything I just genuinely don’t understand how relationships go to shit so much after babies.

I don't think PP is taking the piss. The comment should help make you aware of how your mental struggles with eating disorders and a possible BPD diagnosis may be colouring the tone of your posts. You are coming across as an arrogant know it all about relationships after children, when clearly you have your own problems.

definitely not. They weren’t married by the way. Me and hubby just click well and I like looking nice. I don’t dress up every night like. You’re reading way too much into the dressing up thing. I do find it strange tho that some posters thing lingerie etc is just for the man

The newborn phase was our rockiest time. I don’t handle sleep deprivation well and between undiagnosed, and unrecognised adhd magnifying the effects of hormonal imbalance and the resulting domestic chaos and post natal anxiety, it wasn’t a great time.

DH was solid. He wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but his background, upbringing and age gave him a strong sense of his role at the time. He lowered his expectations, rolled up his sleeves and worked hard for our little family. He had all the same reasons that other men use to justify affairs, abandonment, or escape to the gym/golf/cycling. He just saw those as reasons to step up and be a better husband and father.

Over the years we’ve had financial struggles, work stress, wider family crises, bereavements, mental health struggles and sex droughts. We’re there for each other, not for what the other can give us. I know that I’ve been unbelievably lucky this far. I think he’s been lucky too.

But having a baby was like throwing a bomb into a marriage. After our second, dh was adamant we were done. You have no idea what you’re getting into, or what sort of person you’ve married until the relationship is stress tested. And there just aren’t enough great men to go around.

No, I think she was trying to make you understand how your post could have affected someone with, for example, post natal depression (another deadly mental health disorder btw) who's lost their sex drive and is worried about their relationship.

I’ve never said we don’t have problems. But that’s nothing to do with the baby??

Wow this thread should be pulled @mnhq absolutely disgusting pile on of the OP.

All the jealous, bitter, horrible women are out in force. Trying to play superior and out-smart the OP with nonsensical statistics and what-if-isms.

This place seems to be you can only ask a question if it’s about bashing men, causing drama, or slagging someone off. Nasty nasty nasty people. No wonder they have relationship problems!

You sound quite unwell tbh

I’m currently waiting on a diagnosis of BPD so it’s far from cushy but the baby has helped our relationship get stronger

My relationship changed dramatically. We were no longer partners but I was unable to care for myself and my partner was now my carer.
Due to mild hyperemesis, heartburn and a broken ribs, bruised ribs and sternum and "whiplash" from a car accident in pregnancy we only had sex about 3 times whilst I was knowingly pregnant. We then didn't have sex until my daughter was about 14 months old. She was 2 before it was regular.
I was too poorly. I spent 10 weeks in a mother and baby unit. I was completely touched out at time when my daughter was barely out of my arms for minutes. I couldn't stand even a cuddle from my partner as the idea of having another person touch me after been touched all day and all night left me wanting to claw my skin from my flesh
My daughter is nearly 4 and we have our strong relationship back with not a lot of effort. I no longer need a carer. My daughter no longer is in my arms 23h a day so I enjoy a cuddle and more with my partner. I have the capacity to not just look after my own needs but his too.

We simply did not have the luxury of being able to carry on as before and not lose ourselves because of the situation we found ourselves in with my severe depression and psychosis and my daughter severe silent reflux and many food allergies.

Well OP, it seems your husband's former relationship didn't just go to shit after babies, it stopped at every crap town on the way there and now it's doing the circular scenic route. So if you want an informative answer to your genuine question on a matter you find so utterly incomprehensible...ask him?

Ah interesting, I assume OP's DH has children with his ex? That's where the judgement of other women will be coming from. We really are simple creatures aren't we?

Right, what on earth is there to be jealous of here?
People always throw the jealous line but seriously what is there to be envious of in this situation where OP is clearly quite unwell?

No, she’s trying to make you realise how your post could come across to someone with post-natal depression or anxiety 🙈

Oh OP, it’s hard to take you too seriously when you’ve been posting about issue's with your DH less than a fortnight ago.

It’s good that you have your little family sorted, I had a similar sex drive not long after I gave birth as it was straightforward but I can’t pretend our relationship didn’t change.

It does sound like things happened very fast for you, I hope you continue to be as happy as you are now.

I thought this too 😂 buckle in op!

*issues

I think a lot of it is down to luck. We have an ok relationship but we’re also blessed with 2 ‘easy’ babies who were good sleepers, plenty of money to afford childcare, no health issues in the babies, no health or mental health issues in me or DH. If any of those things had been different it could have been a different story - who knows 🤷‍♀️

None of the examples or statistics are made up.
Women are sharing details to challenge the OP's assertions.
That is neither "disgusting" nor a "pile on".
However, it's clear that the OP does have significant problems, so I actually feel quite sorry for her.

You have serious issues with your husbands ex and step kids and your own mental health but you STIlLL cant understand how sleep deprivation, PND, etc etc could cause issues for some relationships? 🙄

You know what. Fuck this. This site has gone to the dogs. I had someone telling me to kill myself on it a few weeks ago and told myself I wouldn’t log on again. Sticking to my guns this time because people are just fucking horrible.

Oh dear, using your baby as a plaster for health issues is a road to disaster, and a road to creating a child who believes their job is to keep you happy at all costs.

im not trying to be antagonistic or anything I just genuinely don’t understand how relationships go to shit so much after babies

Having read the responses, do you understand now?

Maybe a lesson learned about not being so goady OP?

Ewww. Who can be arsed tarting oneself up just for a fuck?