Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

Can I just say I love threads like these. There's a man who keeps trying to get back in touch with me all the time, for years now, who would happily date an 18 year old at 42 years old. Threads like these help me keep the block on! They remind me of the huge ick I feel.

No I totally get that

I just didn't like someone trying to ride roughshod over someone explaining their own personal preferences and that of their friends

Its very rapey and incelish to tell someone that their preference to not sleep with certain men is unhinged

I also dont like to see 40 year olds with 18 year olds. Mostly because coming from a small town where we knew everyone it turned out that the middle aged men who shouted sexual stuff at us when we were 12 were the same men in the nightclub when we were 18 trying to grind up against teenagers. It's pretty grim tbh

@taleasoldashoney Ah I getcha! Yeah I'm sick of these perv apologists coming here. There was one I was arguing with on a similar thread yesterday but he was much worse, a proper gaslighting narc saying I needed therapy.

"Its very rapey and incelish to tell someone that their preference to not sleep with certain men is unhinged "

I m assuming that statement is directed at my posts ?

That is completely unrelated to what I'm saying.

I suppose it is very difficult to have a balanced argument with somebody excising those sort of views.

You mean people expressing rational views ?

Wierd, because that was exactly what you said

A poster said she personally wouldn't date someone years younger than her because she would find it repellant and you called her unhinged for having that opinion

If that was unrelated to what you were saying maybe you shouldn't have said it?

I suppose it is very difficult to have a balanced argument with somebody excising those sort of views.

Again you are the one using the words stupid, morally bankrupt, illogical, nasty, toxic, ignorant, immature or unhinged

No balance there...

"rapey and incellish?"

where have these views been expressed??

Yes, it is. Especially since it started when he was 15 and her student.

Telling a woman that them not wanting to date a particular sort of man is unhinged is exactly the sort of behaviour incels use

I'm not saying you are an incel to be clear. But I am saying that that behaviour is incelish because that's the tactics they like to use

So like being clear that when you say everyone is entitled to an intimate relationship you mean adults is important, because people come online saying stuff like that to normalise paedophilia, if you normalise ridiculing someone's boundaries and preferences for who they want to date, you are normalising incel type behaviour.

Exactly! The incel vibes are strong on this thread. "But whyyyyyyy is it wrong for middle-aged men to chase girls young enough to be their daughters? You're all so bitter and judgmental!"

I would just simply say suggesting an age gap of a relationship which you have no idea about is repulsive is ignorant. That's all.

As a society, we need less judgement on these sort of issues.

Talking about "personal choice " and then lowering the debate with words like "rapey" is frankly toxic and pointless. You know exactly what you are trying to do btw.

And the "how dare you suggest I shouldn't be able to sleep with an 18 year old in my 50s"..

I'm not even sure what I am supposed to be bitter about. I've been happily married for 15 years and if something happened to my DH and I did want to date again I'm bi so my dating pool would not be limited to 50 year olds who are actually interested in 18 year olds.

But hey, if we are women daring to suggest that men in the 40s dating teenagers is no really appropriate we must be stupid, bitter and unhinged 🙄

It's those wandering uteruses of ours again

I would simply say that telling a woman expressing her personal opinion about who she doesn't want to date that she is unhinged is completely inappropriate.

You know exactly what you are trying to do btw.

Really? How peculiar, when you have spent the last hour or so trying to convince me that I am in fact illogical, stupid and ignorant

But hey now a man has deigned to tell me I know what I am trying to do I am so relieved. I will sleep peacefully tonight now.

So if you did want to date again and you fell in love with someone 20 years your junior ?

again how would you feel if your friends said "that's disgusting 🤢?"

You would rightly tell them to f*#k off !!

I mean using toxic language- please don't pretend you have no idea

Where did I pretend I had no idea?

I actually gave an explanation as to why I used the language I used, so I'm not sure why I am now supposed to be pretending anything

You might want to look to your own language before complaining about others though. Calling women unhinged is essentially calling them hysterical and is incredibly mysoginistic

But I wouldn't.

And again, the post you were responding to was someone talking about her own opinion on who she would date, not her opinion on who you should date. You are the one who chose to take it personally.

But be assured I will not be falling in love with someone 20 years younger than me

@Cornwall850 No it needs to be less accepted, which it is. Famous men are being called out on their gross tastes. More people are speaking out about it.
And I would never feel attraction to people much younger than me. They feel like children. I feel motherly to people in their 20s/30s.

Ah but you never know. You may might meet someone tomorrow that literally bowls you over and you cannot understand why

that's the great thing about love - it has no boundaries 😊

But why is it "gross ?"

I mean maybe they get along - he really likes her etc etc they click

My love does have boundaries actually

Most peoples love does have boundaries

For example I wouldn't cheat on my husband, no matter who I met or how I felt about them. Because even if I met someone and decided I loved them, my love would operate within the boundaries of my marriage vows.

And again, big sweeping announcements about love having no boundaries is exactly the type of language paedophiles use to justify paedophilia. So even for you, love has boundaries.

I also wouldn't, if single, get into a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship. Because my love has boundaries.

Was listening to a podcast recently talking about Robert Dinero and old Scarface becoming fathers again at 80+ with women who are barely out of their teens, interesting the men (late 30’s -40s) were saying they couldn’t imagine even wanting to hang out with a 18/19 year old for half an hour let alone have a relationship with them, because they would have absolutely nothing in common and that it was just creepy. Quite refreshing actually!

Some of these posters will be going NC with their adult children in their late 20s if they bring home an older partner then? Or the kids will be going NC with them that's for sure! I know one particular poster would be going batshit about it, maybe it's already happened and that's why they're so obsessed with letting everyone know how repulsive they find it and how no one should do it because it offends them so much.

I remember seeing the lead singer of RHCP dating a 'girl' of 18 when he was in his early 50's (which an almost 10yo son). Whilst not illegal, it's kind of gross! What on earth does a 50yo see in an 18yo? Surely they have little in common. Even though they were my favourite band, that behaviour gave me the ick big time

Saying it's "repulsive" sounds a lot like having an opinion on who others should/shouldn't date. I don't think anyone is encouraging anyone to have age gap relationships, just refrain from being so judgemental to others? Too much to ask?

My dad was 27 when he met my mum at 18, I've never thought much of it until reading mumsnet, and my grandad was super protective but didn't seem to mind. My friend dated a 22 year old at 16 and I defo think that was wrong, I did at the time. But late 20s with a 40 something? How odd to be so repulsed by that.