Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

To be fair she could easily end up as his carer if they were the same age.

I’m a 40-something woman and the very idea of being sexually interested in anyone under 30 just physically repulses me — that’s a normal view among my similar-aged friends. Teenagers are kids, FFS - of course there’s something wrong with him!

I’ve told my teenage girls that it’s a huge red flag of older guys are interested in them, it just means the girls their own age think they are losers!

The men are just sad pervs. The girls somehow think they are more mature than their friends, when in fact they are actually a lot more naive.

Unfortunately true! He's just much further into serious old age health issues than she is, so raising the likelihood.

😆LOL, yeah this! ^

I think you need to think of something much more basic as to why those men want to date them.

Yeah this! ^

As a pp said, I think these aged 45+ men go for these younger women, (under 25!) because they know women of their own age won't stand for their shit!

People can dress it up and sugar coat is as much as they like, it's plain grim for a man touching 50 to be with a young woman just out of her teens. And I actually feel worried for ANY young woman of that age who is going out with a much older man, and wonder what has gone so wrong in her life that makes her want to be with a man of 45-50 when she is in her early 20s! Why on earth would someone want to be with someone old enough to be their parent (or grandparent sometimes!)

Waits for the stream of posters parping on about all the age gap relationships they know of that have been sooooooooo successful! 🙄

@MartinsSpareCalculator · Today 22:34

I can understand a middle aged man finding a young woman physically attractive. There are many beautiful 18yr olds.

REALLY? 18?! REALLY?!

You 'can understand' a middle aged man - 45 to 50 - being attracted to a TEENAGER? And someone who is very likely still at school? You think this is OK? REALLY?!

I find it so gross. I hate it.
This ‘oh, she’s so mature’ justification bollox. Go find an immature 40 year old.

when I was at school, many many moons ago, I felt so worried watching 30-40 year olds arriving in their work vans (some with kids from a prior relationships), pick up my friends from school in their school uniform. I thought at the time that I was a prude and immature because I literally found it scary.

One of them got pregnant at 16 and boyfriend was 30. Parents were fine with it. I find it so wrong.

I find these age gaps so predatory and controlling. A middle aged person who has lived long enough in the world to know themselves looking to dally in the naive again. I call them time vampires - stealing youth.

I’d feel the same with an older woman and teen male or same-sex relationships… but only the teen girl can get pregs. So I find that combo worse.

If you’re not a teen yourself, leave teens alone.

I'm a man. No just no. A couple of years ago a " friend" told my wife I was having an affair with a 30 year old...I was 51! I asked my wife what the fuck would we have to talk about. My wife and I often talk about bagpuss, the womballs...especially their hit records , ciglay, trumpton, etc. Absolute 80s. The breakfast club...
It's just so so wronr

👏

There're a fair lot of age gap relationships in my industry, one guy was 48 dating a 19 year old and then had a public meltdown when she cheated on him.

I've never been interested in dating older men. Its too easy. IMO girls who date older men have really low self-esteem and serious intergenerational trauma. As if they feel all they have to offer is their youth/naivete. Dating men your own age is a bit more challenging, you need to be confident and have your sh*t together. Not saying they're worth it lol but they have more stamina, you have more in common, to talk about or do together.

Half the blokes age, plus 7 is meant to be the maximum age gap according to some

So a 19 year old and a 24 year old is OK, but if the man is older than that then creepy

I'll try not to say too much, because it might be slightly outing/revealing. I don't know if it's the same industry as yours, but I do know a young woman who works in media. I won't say exactly what she does, but she works behind the scenes.

She's 28 and is currently dating a man who's 59. So 31 years older, and 4 years older than her DAD. Her parents have not spoken to her OR him for 2 years as they are so disgusted by it.

She's been dating him for three years, and she's absolutely obsessed and besotted with him. She's gone from a completely bubbly, fun-loving party girl who dressed a bit like Madonna in the 80s, to looking (and acting) like Emily Bishop - in three short years.

She has aged 20 years, (in those 3 years,) dresses frumpy as hell, wears no make up, and just sits there night in/night out with him in the flat that they share - never going out anywhere except work. She dropped all her friends and doesn't go partying and clubbing now, OR on holiday, and she doesn't go socialising.

She has turned down 5 or 6 hen parties, and she doesn't bother going to weddings. She just says 'I just want to look after Pete. I want to be with him. I love Pete. He is everything to me.' Pete. Pete, Pete! PETE is just a miserable bore who doesn't even speak to her friends... He just wants to sit there with his feet up.

He's in media as well - on and off. He's unemployed for about two thirds of the year. She's constantly bankrolling him. But she 'loves' him. She has been trying to get pregnant by him for a year. Nothing has happened. I actually feel desperately, desperately sorry for her, and so does everyone she knows. She is obsessed with 'Pete' though!

A schoolfriend of my daughter (A-level age) would date older men simply for the money they'd spend on her. She was quite open and cynical about it amongst her school friends.

It's only inadequate men who do this.

Not the flex they think it is.

The rule is half your age plus 7.

It has limits though, it works from 16 to about 50ish. Anything above that is odd, imagine an 80 year old thinking dating someone 47 is ok lol.

So many men just think of girls and women as fuckable objects. To be used for male pleasure only.

Once you realise that, you understand why they have no conscience about any amount of shameless, immoral, depraved, inhumane and perverted behaviour.

“women do not realise how much men hate them.”

It doesn’t take much to see that even relationships where people are of a similar age it’s not all roses. Sometimes an age difference is ok. I’ve been with my dh for 20 years. 3 children. He earns more money but it’s our money. I can rely on him for anything.

The only time our age was an issue was when we first got together and people (like many posters on here)had an expert opinion it wouldn’t last.

Thank you. The only thing you missed is "and I did a phd and have my own really successful career/business earning millions"

Recently found out my ex who i was with late 2011- early 2015 started dating a girl at the start of her final year of highschool (don't know if she had turned 16 yet or not) when he was 26 , and didn't mention it on social media til new years the year after she graduated, but a friend of hers commented on the status outing it was a year late, giving them away. He will be 30 in a few months, and shes 19 at the oldest.

Edit, just looked up to see if her profile states her birth month, they're engaged! I genuinely feel sick, this makes him the second predator i dated. His interest in me way back then was me being a virgin still, I was a couple years older than him at 22, and he'd already had 3 sexual partners and, i quote, said to me, "I hate the idea of a bunch of men being inside a girl before me".
He was also a compulsive liar, cheated with atleast 3 other girls in some capacity, was emotionally abusive, and used me for over £1000 of gifts and money and never so much as got me a tesco value birthday card in return.
From the looks of it she's estranged from all her own family, i hope she's alright.

I mean, I don’t give a fuck if an 18-year-old dates a bloke in his mid-20s.

I also don’t give a fuck if a woman in her early 20s dates a man in his early 40s, to be honest, because there are plenty of ways they could easily meet and have a genuine rapport. I dated one man 20 years older than me and another man 16 years older than me when I was in my early/mid 20s. I met them both at work and we were mates before dating because we got on really well, similar interests and sense of humour etc.

But a man in his 40s dating a teenager is pretty dodgy, because it’s pretty clear that he will have been actively seeking out the very youngest girls he can legally date. If he’s attracted to younger women he could easily meet women in their mid-20s, the kind of women who could be his peers at work, have their own flat, and generally have their shit together. But if he’s meeting teenagers, then he’s definitely deliberately trying to find them because he’s got some ghastly ‘barely legal’ fantasy going on. Which is gross.

I do definitely think some people are way, way more mature at 18 than others. And I also know couples with substantial age gaps who are absolutely made for each other. I have a relative who married a man more than 20 years younger than her when she was 50 and he was late 20s. They’re still together two decades later and they are 100% each other’s soulmates. But I think a middle-aged man/woman who actively makes a point of looking for teenagers to date, no matter how ‘mature’ they are, is an a massive wrong’un.

Do you think gay relationships are wrong?

Holy False Equivalency Batman.

Ah well that's different you see - that is clearly another tale of a noble man treated terribly by a despicable woman (she made him lose his barn conversion AND reneged on the divorce agreement you say!!!) I don't think you can blame a man who has been "taken for everything" from acting inappropriately. Its his ex wife's fault really.

The old guy and the twenty something barmaid is a bit different because she is still much younger than him but not a teenager. It does rather undermine the rational about both men and women being attracted to youth though - I agree that's probably logical but it doesn't explain age gap relationships at all because why would the younger person be attracted to the older.