Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

Why ???

i'm in the camp of consenting adults. Yes, big age difference can be problematic at times. As any significant difference in anything - religion, culture, wealth or education. So what?

Exactly - well said

That's awful @igomeow

I wouldn't have been comfortable dating a man in his 20s when I was a teenager, let alone a man in his 30s! My parents wouldn't have let that happen either.

Definitely not jealous. I hated being 18 and having older men make me feel like prey, and I hate it now.
Your posts say it all. You're either a bloke or in a huge age gap relationship. It's gross and most people think so.

No I'm not trying to wriggle out of a position, this is the exact same one I have been maintaining all along

how can you be repulsed by a loving relationship between two consenting adults at the age range you / the various posters here have stated?

Because that's my personal boundary, as it was the other posters personal boundary

Don't you see how morally bankrupt that sort of view is?

there's nothing morally bankrupt about having my own personal boundaries around dating. There is something morally bankrupt about ridiculing someone else's personal boundaries and trying to walk all over them.

Relationships are not equal opportunities. Women get to say "no that's not what I personally want"

If you don't want to understand I can't help you I'm afraid

I understand perfectly well. I don't agree.

Well yes ... I agree with you - 18 is too young

but Decaparios girlfriend is 25 ?

why is it gross ?

Their relationship was discussed on page 1 of this thread.

As were Aaron Taylor Johnson and his wife.

Any more bingo cards to play?

You clearly don't understand hence your ignorant argument. I am afraid "personal boundary " is a complete cop out. You aren't able to argue your position coherently.

All of Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends are 25 or under he is what 50

he is a sleezebag

@Cornwall850 Because it says so much about him. He's growing older yet doesn't find women his own age attractive, yet he is also that age. He is saying so much about older women. And what's wrong with his personality that he hasn't matured? I have to try and separate the actor from character when I watch his films as just seeing him makes me gip.

Really ? I didn't see that post ?

I'm not ignorant

I do understand

Personal boundary isn't a cop out when it was a posters personal boundary that you were ridiculing

Unless of course you think women shouldn't actually be allowed personal boundaries when it comes to choosing who to have relationships with and that they should just be open to anyone?

Well maybe he hadn't found a woman his own age who he has really fallen for?

i just think love, intimacy and relationships are soooooo complicated - sometimes without a logical explanation. But for him it probably just works

For god sake - you know that is not what I am saying ?

I am simply arguing that love and intimacy are personal and to cast these very toxic aspersions is just illogical. We all have those friends who we cannot understand why they are with certain people but there you go.

Fundamentally to suggest an age gap is "repulsive " is a really nasty thing to say.

thats all

The term 'adult' is so arbitrary though. There's nothing special about turning 18. Girls are still very vulnerable at that age.

In some countries middle aged men marry 14 year olds and claim that's fine in their culture.

Why ? Why is he a sleaze bag ??

I am simply arguing that love and intimacy are personal

Exactly. And that poster said that for her personally, dating someone that much younger would be repulsive. You are the only person who then decided that that mean she was applying her personal boundaries to everyone.

And then you ridiculed her personal boundaries and called my personal boundaries morally bankrupt

Fundamentally to suggest an age gap is "repulsive " is a really nasty thing to say.

Fundamentally to suggest an age gap for her is repulsive is not nasty at all * *

For god sake - you know that is not what I am saying ?

You telling me I am stupid for not wanting to date someone 20 years younger than me is literally trying to ridiculed my right to my preferences and boundaries

you can’t grasp why a man of 50ish who only goes out with women half his age and seems to surround himself with this age group of women is sleezy

if that needs to be explained to you then I think I shall just have to pass you have a different set of ideas of how older adults should treat and respect younger adults boundaries

Let me ask you - what if you met someone - say 30 years older than you and no understandable reason you fell head over heels in love with them ( it does happen )

And - somebody said to you that age gap is "repulsive "

how would you feel?

I very much doubt you would take the same position 🧐

You are judging on a situation of which you know nothing about other than employing your own petty prejudices.

The term 'adult' is so arbitrary though. There's nothing special about turning 18. Girls are still very vulnerable at that age.

anybody can be vulnerable at any age. And 18 is very special. Its pretty much an international consensus of adulthood (with some regional variations re. drinking or driving).
Yes, it can be problematic if an 18yo high schooler goes to play house with a 40+divorcee who has 2 kids. But if the same 18yo wants to shag an aging rock star at a festival - what's to stop them?

You seem to be confusing someone saying what they thought about their preferences as to somehow applying to everyone

So let me explain it differently

As a disabled person I sometimes hear/see a person declare that they wouldn't date someone who is partially sighted or in a wheel chair. But I don't take offence because relationships aren't equal opportunities and they are well within their rights to hold that opinion.

In the same way that I, as a partially sighted person actually prefer to be in a relationship with someone with good vision, because quite frankly it's easier if one of us can see everything!

But I am also not offended when Deaf people prefer to date within the Deaf community. Because I understand that their preferences are just that, their preferences.

I certainly don't go around declaring those people are stupid, morally bankrupt, illogical, nasty, toxic, ignorant, immature or unhinged

It’s well documented his partners (unless you are suggesting they are a front) and women have come forward to say how sleezy he is

I have been that woman in her early 20’s with rich men around being sleezy thinking they can buy you they made myself and friends skin crawl but they would often seek out the vulnerable young women

we know as we age how much we learn how naive we were, and we should be at that age and older adults should not be taking advantage of young people let them be and stop trying to relive your youth or boost your ego through them

Actually @taleasoldashoney most of us do apply our disgust to everyone. I don't wanna do it and don't like when others do it.