Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

And then of course there's the MASSIVE power imbalance in that sort of relationship!

You aren't wrong, but someone will be along to say that they moved out at 17, and had a toddler and their own flat and were very mature for their age at 19 when they met their DH who was then 32 but 'has always been young at heart' and took on a toddler as his own and they are happily married 25 years later with two more kids blah blah.
And if you ask what they/DH would think of. their 19 year old daughter dating a 32 year old man they'll go 'well, that was different, i was very mature for my age'
And they'll say 'I pursued him actually, not the other way round'
And they'll say 'its only on mumsnet that people think age gaps are weird, my parents were worried at first but they grew to love DH and noone else in our lives found it weird'
And if you ask them if at age 32 they found 19 year old men attractive it's tumbleweed....

I must say i agree with everything you put....im that person... and you're right

@Foxblue thanks for that. I don’t have to read the whole thread now 🤣
OP yes there’s something bloody wrong with.

Ctd: now im older i see it as pretty weird that someone 14 yrs older was interested in me at 17... whether i saw myself mature or not. There was also a lot ..i mean a lot of older men after teenagers. I find it very wrong now and question massively the intentions of the older man.

Men always think girls and women are more mature when it comes to them having sex, but never when it comes to running companies, ruling countries or making decisions.

I wonder why...

🤣 bang on. Oh the patriarchy and entitlement

A couple of old school friends I know had relationships with older men as teens, all are repulsed at the memory.

I would take NOTHING more to do with such a man and I'd bloody tell him why too! That's creepy and inappropriate as fuck!

I'm not against age gap relationships per se but not when they involve to my mind non or very young and immature adults!

In my opinion that's a predatory man!

So true!!

My ex and his 2nd wife 15 year age gap when they got together she had just turned 18. When my daughter got in a relationship at 20 with a 25 year old her dad lost his shit! Hypocrite much?! Daughter pointed out that by the time her stepmum was 20 she had 2 kids by her dad and he was 35!!

I completely agree! And what particularly turns my stomach is men (mostly famous male celebrities,) who are 45 to 50 and older, who seem to have women 20 to 25 years younger. (Or more.) It makes me retch. 😖

Leonardo DiCaprio is a typical example. He's 50 this year, and looks it. And whilst he looks OK, he is out of shape and pretty average looking now. Yet he is currently dating a young woman in her early 20s. As much as I've always liked and admired him as an actor, he's actually starting to turn my stomach now and make my skin crawl.

So does every other man 45-50 and older who's dating a woman young enough to be his daughter. Some men (especially celebrities,) are 55-60 or more, and STILL have a woman in her 20s! It's fucking grim!

I don't understand it - and I really don't understand why these young women go with these much older men. Is it really just for the money and the fame? Are they that desperate for money that they would date a man 25 to 30 years older, (or more!) and let him paw her, and put his hands all over her? I actually feel nauseous just thinking about it.

And as for non-celebs... WHY would a young woman (under 30) want to be with a man 50+ ??? Not only is there a power imbalance, but men that age are mostly fairly unattractive physically. And also, she will end up being a carer for an infirm pensioner, whilst she is still only about 45-50. (Whilst probably looking after their children too, and her parents!)

Fuck that for a lark!

I was mature enough for a relationship with an older man. I ran the household, ran the business, cared for his parents. I was mature and sensible and reliable. I was not the problem, I wasn't too imature for him.

I was not mature and cynical enough to realise what an abusive and useless man he was. I couldn't see though him like I can now.

You've just described my sister. Still squicks me out and she's 70 this year - and likely to end up as his carer unless he drops dead.

I can understand a middle aged man finding a young woman physically attractive. There are many beautiful 18yr olds. But I can't understand them wanting to date one because they just aren't on the same emotional and mental level, irrespective of how mature she might be. There will always be an imbalance which makes it creepy.

It absolutely is. Like my father who waited till the teenager he was grooming was 16, so it was legal. He was about 33. Filthy nonce.

Mrs Merton had it nailed (even if in this specific case it did seem to be a love match).

'So what was it that attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels.'

I often wonder whether men go for younger women because they know that women their own age would see through their shit. I dated a man 10 years older than me when I was 20 and I now think that I’d never have dated him if I was 30 like he was as id of expected a man that age to have his life together more than I did at 20.

Same.
I now see differently..as we do with age. I was mature but not enough to work out these older mens intentions. They've all resulted in a decline in my mental health over the years...their abuse , psychologically, sexually. Manipulation.

Teenagers is a funny designation because we tend to think of it as being a child, but arguably people, or most of them anyway, become adults during the teen years. Certainly in the past I would say that most people became functioning adults in the teen years, with the social and personal responsibilities, and privileges, of adults.

As far as the age gap thing, I am a little blase. I don't think romantic love is a kind of relationship that particularly depends on people being close in age. It's not always about two people being very on par in terms of experience, or education, or in some cases even intellect - I know a couple of really successful marriages where I don't think the people involved were intellectual equals. But they like and respect each other. Notably they have other friends that share interests rather than the marriage being the main place for that.

Is it more likely in a case like this that one person will be taken advantage of? Yes, maybe. But it is by no means always the case, and there are plenty of similar age relationships where one person is an exploitative person and the other is vulnerable emotionally. I don't think it's useful to assume that age is the most important factor.

I am inclined to be dismissive of the sort of men who always date much younger women. Even if they aren't exploiters, they seem shallow. But two people can connect over a lot of differernt things even if disparate in age.

Ha! Yes, with bells on.

I think this is actually quite simple. It's not all about money though sometimes women are attracted to money.

Many men find women in their 20s the most physically attractive, so if they get the chance to date them, they often will.

And odd as it may seem if it isn't your thing, quite a lot of younger women find older men attractive, and sometimes even more attractive than younger men. And not just the very handsome ones who aged well, but often the more average ones, if they have some kind of charisma (which most actors do, apart from the money.)

My understanding from what little I know about the science is that both men and women are genetically pre programmed to be attracted to youth because fertility declines with age. I could give you two real world examples from people I'm friendly with at the pub. 1) a middle aged man, once a City high flyer and happy family man with great kids get divorced, loses the barn conversion and job, wife reneges on divorce agreement and tries to take him for everything. He starts acting inappropriately with young barmaids, gets a bad reputation and a talking to by the Police. Basically it looks like some sort of mid life crisis that he's now over and he seems much happier now. 2) 50 odd labourer, never married get friendly with 20 something barmaid, they often spend quiet times chatting. End up in a relationship and they now have a baby. What's wrong with that? Just because it seems wrong to you doesn't mean it is. Do you think gay relationships are wrong?

Yes absolutely. It's the same with men who only date foreign women, so they miss them the nuance a native speaker would pick up on.

I remember as a teenager dating an older man and literally saying 'look how masterful he is when he drives' 😂😂🤮