Grown Men Dating Teenagers

[ReallyDubious]

I have a male acquaintance who expressed a really concerning opinion about age gap relationships. He thinks that it is ok for a much older man to date younger women and teenagers as 'some women (or girls) are more mature than others'. Although I agree with that in principle, I do not agree that a teenager is ever mature enough to date a grown man.

He said he dated 'mature' teens when he was in his 40s and I'm seriously revolted at the thought. AIBU to think there is something seriously wrong with this man?

In what way is it false equivalency, be specific.

On the first point, I wasn't making a value judgement about who was right and wrong, I don't know the whole story, just that his life totally fell apart in all the ways that would mess up most late middle age guys. He seems to be a lot happier now and has adjusted to his new life, his kids still talk to him, he's earning a living and I think he has a girlfriend again. The whole chasing after young girls thing seems to have been a midlife crisis.

On your second point, the fact that a younger adult woman wants to have a relationship neither proves nor disproves anything, the fact that she is in one suggests that she has chosen to be.

You also believe that there is a difference between twenty somethings and let's say 18 year olds. Legally there isn't, if you think there should be lobby your MP.

Don't get me wrong I can understand the concern that parents of teenagers have about these relationships, some men can be predatory. I haven't got children myself although I have two nieces in early adult hood who I love very much, I'd hate to think of them being abused or hurt. I guess that sort of age is when parents worry particularly, you don't really know what your kids are up to when they're out with their mates, you just hope they're safe. I'm not into younger women myself, it doesn't appeal to me because I'm not sure what I'd have in common with someone much younger.

This point is a bit off thread, but when I was a fair bit younger I travelled widely and on a couple of occasions older gay guys tried to chat me up. As far as I could work out they used the same tactics a lot of women complain about, trying to impress me with their wealth. Not for me.

Age gaps in relationships have the potential to be massive red flags. They aren't always though...
I do think it should be considered on a case by case basis.. coming from a place of suspicion if there is a large age gap and the younger party is in their teens. I think 9 times out of 10 it's gonna be abusive due to the power dynamic. I can't say it would always definitely be abusive tho. There is the possibility that two people are just very similar, on the same page, at the same life stage.. despite an age gap.. and that they genuinely live one another and it works out long term.
But it's a very slim possibility when the younger partner is in their teens yeah..
And men who continually seek out younger partners in their teens are straight up predators. That's not an accident, that's not 'I met someone I really clicked with and it turned out they were a lot younger than me' that's 'I routinely seek out young girls because they are easy to manipulate, I don't care who they are as long as they look hot and I can control them'

Men always think girls and women are more mature when it comes to them having sex

^

Also includes cooking dinner, running a house

But not running a company, holding positions of power etc

In what way is it false equivalency, be specific.

Ummm no.

My first husband was 19 years older than me. He’d never dated significantly younger before and had no children. We ultimately split, not because of the age gap (many similar interests and views points to this day) but because of fundamentally different expectations related to personality rather than age.

We had a child together, who is still young, so we speak regularly. His long term partner is more aligned to his age, I’ve just remarried, to a man my own age.

I’ve gone off on a tangent - but basically, big age gaps can be ok. However most often they aren’t. I think dimly of a man who habitually dates much younger.

I think these men 30+ who date teenage girls are predators, it's thinly veiled abuse and most of these relationships include massive power differences linked partly to financial differences too.

During my A levels a quieter girl from a vulnerable family age 16 started dating a psychiatric nurse who was 44. They met through work. I also know a social services youth worker (late 50's) who dated a newly minted 18 year old who barely spoke English. For both these men I can't imagine these were their first victims. Victims they were. I could tell you of countless more through work but will stop there.

This isn't just about age differences. A woman or man age 30 could be in a safe and loving relationship with a man or woman age 45/50+.

Relationships with teens and young 20's with 15/20/25/30/35 year age gaps are deeply troubling.

As the parent of a teenage girl I can tell you I would do everything in my power to ensure my daughter is never in a 'relationship' like this.

A man in his forties dating a teenager is a bit dodgy (and visa versa). I can't imagine what they would have in common, frankly.

In the past it was quite common, especially amongst the aristocracy, for girls in late teens to marry men of about thirty The late Princess Diana's mother, Frances, married John Spencer when she was eighteen and he was thirty, was then expected to produce a male heir and went on to have five children, one of whom died, while she was still very young. That was her duty. Her youngest daughter could easily have had a similar fate but, thank goodness, shut up shop and put an end to being a brood mare after two children. I read about one debutante who married a man in his fifties when she was only seventeen!

The fact that we can’t be specific is precisely the point, isn’t it?

Teenager and middle-aged man-absolutely grim. But the people who think even early 20s shouldn't date older, really? Totally no one else's business (assuming no learning difficulties etc.) I've always found older men attractive, my dad was much older than most when I was born so I guess I don't have that "ew he's the same age as my dad" ick about an older man. He'll never be anywhere near to my dad's age unless I start finding 80+ year olds attractive. I never got to date older when in my 20s but it's obviously my type since I still find 40+ (and into the 50s now) attractive. Although who knows if I'd feel different if I actually had dated older back then shrugs

There are plenty of things I think a woman in her early 20s is too young to do but it's none of my business, she's an adult.

I was flicking through a health magazine at work the other day. Can't recall the name - but my jaw dropped when I came across an article about older men and young women, complete with photo of a man with his arms wrapped around a much younger woman. The article was very much positive regarding huge age gap older men younger women relationships. I was so bloody annoyed, the article was NOTHING to do with health at all. It's as if creeps with an agenda will find any way to promote it everywhere.

I do think there is a high percentage of men who'd go for a woman half (or less) their age if they definitely had enough money in the bank to keep her on board or if she was young, and vulnerable so they'd stand a chance. My neighbour is a retired teacher, with a much younger wife. He's always been quite fit and sporty but now seems to suddenly have gotten old overnight, as can happen when you're 70 and not in the best of health. They've been together a good while but now his young wife wants to leave him. Maybe its dawned on her she's not up for carer duties.

There was a post on here not long ago that touched on men buying young Thai wives, yet it didn't sound as if people thought badly of it at all. I'd have thought they would. MN is a strange place at times

This ☝🏽all day long, you’ve verbalised something thats been on the edge of my brain for years.

One of the girls started dating one of our teachers when we were all around 18. Highly illegal and I regret not reporting it then.

One of our class mates asked her about it and told the rest of us of her "being so mature". I guess our teacher thought we were all very mature for he had said that to me too and at least seven other girls after me before he got to her. She was the only one immature enough to fall for it. They dated for at least a year after we graduated and her parents were ok with it even though he was in his forties.

One of my friends who is 7 years older than me and went to the same school said he had always dated students. She was sure that was why he became a teacher.

I got asked out by lots of men in their thirties as a teenager. I used to wonder if I'd be dating geriatrics in my twenties. I never took any of the older men seriously - a lot of them were looking for a "nice girl" to settle down with and why would I want to tie myself down in my teens.

I once went out with one of them because I hadn't worn my specs and he looked much older close up. He was really quite nice but I thought my mother might have disapproved of the age difference as all my contemporaries seemed to have mothers who did disapprove of big age gaps. My mother didn't so much as blink when she found out about it and it was only years later that I realised her mother was 14 years younger than her father. Or maybe she just played a very cunning end game. Then I found out that my paternal grandmother had snapped up granddad when she was 31 and he was 24.

Anyway not being stupid, I did rather think these men weren't interested in my wonderful teenage brain. I don't think these men were predators - just a bit hopeful. I once had a nightmare about marrying one of them. I can't imagine though I'd have even saved a coffee date for a 40 year old as I'd be thinking he was seriously deluded and even my mother would have balked at more than a 20 year plus age gap. I eventually married almost the youngest man I'd ever been out with - somebody three years older than me who is the love of my life.

Men (compared with women) chose partners on the basis of physical attractiveness and youth.

In contrast, women (compared with men) chose partners based on status, and to a lesser degree things like health, kindness and intelligence.

This is why men compete harder than women to achieve status - because women will reward them for it. It's also why the cosmetic industry exists.

For most men, the sweet spot for women appears to be around the age of 25. Probably because this is the age the brain fully matures, while women retain their youthful appearance. Dating younger than this is a bit creepy, particularly late teens, but successful men will always attract attractive women, and vice versa.

A school friend got into a relationship with a guy in his late fifties when she was 19 so around a 40 year age gap. At the time, we all thought this was nuts especially given the fact he was not a good looking middle aged man (you know, may be more acceptable if he looked like Paul Hollywood or something).

Anyway, over a decade later and they’re married with a child. I’m not really sure anyone can judge because to remain in a relationship for so long and be committed enough to marry and have a child surely indicates love and real commitment. He has adult children older than her which makes things somewhat stranger too…

A girl a couple, of years above me at school, married one of the teachers, this was in the 1980’s. Some people were a bit surprised but overall it didn’t seem a big deal. He would have been about 30 but the fact he had taught her. He remained teaching us.

He's disgusting.

When I was 23 I dated a 48 year old for a few months.

The mere memory of it utterly repulses me.

What on earth did he see in me and what did we have in common?

Makes me absolutely wretch the way I let him paw all over me.

23 years old, I thought I was so mature but I was just a kid! There's no way the rationship would ever be on equal footing.

What's worse is he had a 18 year old daughter and a 22 year old son at the time 😬

My exhusband was 30 and the father of a 3 and 2 year old when he decided he had to leave me ( also 30) for a 17 year old work colleague. The power imbalance was enormous. He dealt with everything financial . She was with him for 24 years in the end ( divorced him last summer) but never ever knew what he earned, whether he had pensions. He told her everything was fine and she believed him. She has now found that it absolutely wasn't.

There should be a different age of consent depending on the age of the other person in my opinion. At least for 16 and 17 year olds.

I once read, all men want to date someone like their daughter,and all girls someone like their dad! Sounds a bit yucky to me . However there seems to be some truth in this .A friend of DMs was married to a guy 20 years older (in the 70s) .She complained he was "always talking about the war!) Of course sexy rich older men, Rod Stewart,Mick Jagger, and so on will always attract pretty young women .But usually even ordinary looking older men, will have a more senior position /money as they are older ,and have been working longer!

My op was about dating teenagers but your examples are almost as bad. The divorced man sounds very abusive, no wonder his wife left him. What's wrong with the 50 year old and 20 something year old is that the part of our brains responsible for good decision making are not fully developed until our mid to late 20s. She has a lot of life to lead and will discover why women his own age are not interested in him very soon.

The same goes for these sorts of dynamics in gay relationships. You don't have to be straight to be a predator.

It is completely creepy for a grown man to lust after teenage girls and try to justify it.

As others have already said: patriarchy and entitlement and the general views that woman and girls are on earth just to satisfy and serve men....

As for those talking about 'biology'. There is never any justification for a man in his 40s to try to sleep with a teenager.

I associate that with creeps like Russel Brand...

There is never too many eyebrows raised when older women go after much younger men is there.
Cougars I believe they are called.
Older men dating much younger women: creepy weirdos
Older women dating much younger men: yay go girl!!
Talk about double standards 😒