Rich parent doesn’t help very poor (adult) child

[Richparentpoorchild]

I’d be very interested to hear what people make of this. My Mum is worth a few million quid. My husband and I, and our children are on the breadline and have been for at least 15 years.

We have no extra money for treats or holidays or anything nice. At Christmas, I sell things on eBay to make some money, so that I can buy family members Christmas presents. We never put the heating on because we just can’t afford it.

My Mum on the other hand, has several luxury holidays a year, always flying business class. She lives in a huge mansion and wants for nothing. I think at the last count she had eight properties. Some of these were gifted to her, from her rich parents.

I know that I don’t need to ask this really, because I know that it’s weird that she doesn’t offer any help to me, but what does everybody make of this?

I am now 56 years old, and she is almost 80. She is fighting fit healthwise and all of the women in the family live until about 100 years old, so whilst I will inherit, I will most likely be in my 70s at that time, which is not really when I’m going to need the money .

If it was you, in her position, do you think you would do something now to help me? I am on the bones of my arse.

we go out for lunch now and then and she never treats me, I always have to pay my half.

She has a boyfriend who she treats a lot,

Her money, her choice!

End.

What do you talk about when you go to lunch ?
How can you possibly hide your poverty from her …it must be very apparent to her.
Why would she ignore your hardship. Surely when she says how are you, you then say…I’m really struggling again this month mum and so fed up of my life on the breadline and I really need help. And then she says ……what exactly ?

You are 56 years old now. And she is 80. Why are you still putting yourself through the hope that she will suddenly become generous.

I wouldn’t be putting the extra pressure on myself of paying for a lunch out, in fact I would have stopped that years ago. I’d tell her…it’s either a lunch out with you mum or no food for the week for me so you are welcome to come for beans on toast instead but I have to warn you, wrap up warm as I can’t afford heating.

This story doesn’t really ring true unless there’s an enormous drip-feed coming.

OP is going to have to say more if they want any opinion, because there's a lot of unknowns. I mean, it's very different if you always had an amazing relationship growing up and now you're on the breadline because you or partner have suffered ill health and can't work or have had to cut down on hours; or if you were a nightmare child who was always shitty to your mum and you and DH decided to stop working because you figured your mum could prop you up (not saying this is likely, but unless we have more details, we can't rule that out).

You're 56, if you haven't sorted your own life out by now, why should your mother do it for you?

Have you ever actual discussed these issues with her? Or asked if she’d think about helping you out financially. She may just be unintentionally going about her comfortable life thinking you have no worries.

I would help my children and grandchildren unless they were gambling or pissing it up the wall

In your position I'd ask her outrightly.
Especially with a boyfriend in the picture.

Why are you on the breadline? The answer to this will give more information on if your mum is unreasonable.

I certainly couldn't live the life of luxury, knowing full well my kids and grandkids were on the bones of their arses.

My question however, is how have you ended up in such dire straits, when you clearly came from money? What led to this point?

Where did the OP went? Very likely this person became spoilt and a nightmare and made poor choices so the mother keep things like this.

This is unconscionable. If she knows that you're struggling - for whatver reason - you would at least expect her to pay for lunch. I've told my younger relatives not to waste money on Christmas presents for me because they're young, have families and life is expensive for them. I don't need anything.
She sounds like a selfish cow to be honest. I would ask her directly to help out and if she refused I would turn my back on her.

Maybe she doesn’t like your husband.

She didnt "clearly " come from money. Her mother specifically was a beneficiary of inherited properties and has chosen not to share it. Its hardly a foregone conclusion that you wind up well heeled because you're parents were well off. They have to actually give you something. That generation of women didnt have to work like women do now - it was entirely possible to own a home on one income (usually the male breadwinner's)..

OP states that several of her mum's many properties were given to her by her rich parents.

I think that counts as being fairly 'clear' that she comes from a wealthy background.

I would always try and help my family out, if I could afford it.

But there are 2 adults in your home and so I’m struggling to see how you are so poor.

I would like to know the back story before judging her decisions.

Do you have a dad?
If he’s dead, was he generous before he died?

Op, it sounds very mean, I would be concerned about the boyfriend. I couldn't do that to my son if I was in that position, but I'm not your mum. She can do what she wants with her own money, however lucky she's been to get it.

It sounds like either your mum is a mean selfish cow, or there is more to this than you are saying. Several PPs have asked the question why are you so badly off at your age, which you have still not answered.

So sorry for not replying last night, I fell asleep! Only up to page 2, but to answer some questions that have been asked :

I have always worked in minimum wage jobs. I love what I do, but yes, it's low paid. I didn't meet DH until I was 40, so up till then there was only one wage coming in, and where I live is quite expensive. I did get on the property ladder though, but most of my income was swallowed up by the mortgage. DH has 4 children from a previous marriage, and up until very recently was paying quite a lot in child support. We manage ok, in that no one is skipping meals or anything, and the bills are paid, but there is zero left over for treats. We have no savings.

Mum's partner is also very wealthy.

@Richparentpoorchild

Perhaps the crowd will now stop insinuating that you are a feckless gambler/alcoholic/generally incapable/irresponsible.

So what do you do? I'd have a different opinion of a carer vs someone who chooses to work as a street mime!
It is a choices thing in all honesty isn't it?

Well, we know that! ,🙄

But surely there should be emotional, moral and familial reasons why it shouldn't be that way.

Even if the relationship with her daughter is strained, she could at least treat her grandchildren to items that will enrich their lives, or are needed for school and activities.

There is no back story. We have never fallen out. I don't do drugs and only have a drink occasionally. I've not had one penny from her since I started working at 16. I've never asked for any money, and none has ever been offered. It's quite obvious that we don't have money. Our house is tiny, in a rough part of town. We have no meals out, no take aways, no holidays. Mum lives in enormous beautiful home in an expensive area. They have multiple holidays each year and the best of everything.

I would certainly help out my kids if they were in need.
However.
Both you and your dh work and can pay the bills.
You will probably inherit and I think working out that she may live till she’s 100 says it all really.

Its surprising your mother doesn’t help you out but if she wasn’t as wealthy would you also expect her to because it’s her money and you are a grown adult, she doesn’t have to give you anything, even in her will.

Especially when the wealth has been mostly inherited in the first place! "Her money her choice" seems staggering selfish when it has come from previous generations but not shared with later ones.

I find this very odd. In her position I would, at the very least, give you a property.

Especially when the wealth has been mostly inherited in the first place! "Her money her choice" seems staggering selfish when it has come from previous generations but not shared with later ones.

I just checked back but can't see where it says the mum's wealth is inherited - am I missing something? Because I was wondering whether it was the dad's money and he left it to the mum or something. Be helpful to know the source so it's clearer if the mum's being double-standardsy with her inherited wealth or if she expects everyone to make their own way?