Mother in law thinks I’m ugly

[DazedNotConfused1]

My mother in law has never outright said I am ugly, but she has never paid me any compliment on my appearance either. Conversely, she will constantly say how handsome her son (my DH) is and how beautiful her daughter is. I’m starting to believe she thinks I am not attractive at all and not good enough for her son.

Whenever I see MIL, I make sure to give her a compliment eg. “you look nice”, “I like your hair!”, “lovely bag” etc you get the gist as I genuinely do feel she looks good, and if she puts herself down I will say “no you always look good!” So she has plenty of opportunity to say something nice about me in return but NEVER has. I don’t want it to bother me but it does. She has complimented my DD saying how pretty they are, but whenever someone says my DS looks like me she looks uncomfortable and doesn’t comment. People say my DD looks like her father.

Is this just normal MIL behaviour? Has your MIL ever said anything nice about your appearance?

And yes before anyone says I know there are more important things than looks, but personally I would like to be thought of positively and not as someone who is bringing down their family’s attractiveness!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking my MIL must think I’m ugly?

Why are you trying to police the thread? CurlewKate's post is just as valid as anybody else's and you're criticising other posters so why, by the same token, are you posting alongside them?

Don't stress about it.
My darling MiL likes to tell me I'm "looking chunky" and "woah, looking weighty!"... I have always been a size 6-8 🥴
She wouldn't ever give me a compliment, but i don't really want want from her either.

What a bitch

But in general mother in laws have that presence in your life.I am not projecting because my MiL has praised me both for my looks and other tings.

Just focusing on Op, and not me, I give op benefit of doubt that she knows her family situation better than us. She mentioned mother in law on purpose choosing photos without her, calling everyone including SiL beautiful, but never even saying she looks nice, looking uncomfortable when someone points grandson looks like Op.

Maybe you are a biased MIL and hence making things up about me to dismiss my post.

Why are you so aggressive in your posts to me? I am not policing. I am just responding to her about her constant criticism of the forum and then saying she posted about her MIL her.
My views are also as valid as yours, so why are you policing mine?

You said that she'd posted twice; where it the 'constant' criticism of the forum? You make assumptions that aren't correct and run with them. I won't be explaining myself to you or responding to you again because there really is no point.

If you try and silence posters though, you will get pulled up on it and rightly so.

My MIL never said anything nice about me or my appearance. She always wanted compliments and if I didn't pay them she would ask - you didn't mention my necklace or you didn't notice my earrings etc.

She is a raging narcissist and for the past 4 years we have been nc which has been a blessing. :)

Of course she thinks her own son is handsome and her DD is pretty. Don't you, about your children?

It doesn't mean she thinks you are unattractive because she doesn't make the fuss over you that she does over her own offspring.

@Redpaisely "This is your second post criticising the forum on this thread, I have seen."

This forum is utterly ridiculous on the subject of mothers in law. This thread is a case in point. Starting with the diagnosis of narcissism based on absolutely nothing. I have a perfect right to say so.

I don't think she thinks you're ugly. She is probably being respectful not to comment on your looks at all. She probably feels its different with her son because she's directly related to him but doesn't want to say anything about you.

I'd never comment on someone's appearance and when I'm a MIL I'll be conscious not to comment on DIL or SIL appearances.

Unless you want to shag your MIL it is of no consequence whether she finds you attractive or not 🤷‍♀️

Same! Mine offers me her old clothes that are “far too big for her” now. I wouldn’t mind so much, but we’re both a size 14 😵‍💫

Huh???

There’s really not enough evidence here to be throwing that term about

OP, of course your MIL thinks her children are beautiful, she gave birth to them and raised them.

Whether or not your MIL is horrible or not, I think you need to work on your self esteem and not seek validation in others. It’s not good for your children to be raised with you being this insecure in your looks (and even worrying about their looks now!)

Why would you give a sh*t about what some old lady thinks anyway?

How do you know she is an old lady ? And even if she is does her age make her thoughts count less ?

Why would you give a sht about what some old lady she thinks anyway? *

Why would you give a shit about what your mother in law, or any other random person for that matter, thinks about whether you're ugly anyway?

Too coy to type the word "shit" but happy to be ageist. It's not mother in law's age which makes her opinions on this irrelevant.

Yes, I tell my friends how pretty they are.

I’m not brave enough to but I’ve had total strangers tell me I’m beautiful - to me it’s a lovely compliment and a real confidence booster as a woman when a fellow woman does so! I’ve seen many other friends receive compliments from others. Tbh possibly that’s why some people do it rather than that they’re that struck by my looks, it’s more they’re trying to say something nice. Either way its good vibes :)

I don’t rely on it though, if no one else tells me I’m beautiful I still smile at the mirror 😂

Why on earth are you raising your children to comment on people's looks?! You're teaching them that this is a "normal" thing to do, which means in the future when they don't compliments, they're going to feel like they must be ugly. You're just hurting your own children.

This thread is wild.

to never have received a compliment from a woman that you spend significant amounts of time with - especially one that is comfortable with giving compliments more broadly - is bizarre.

No “love that dress on you, where’s it from?”; “your hair looks great, the new cut really suits you” or “you look fab in that top, blue is your colour”? These are the sorts of compliments that are given every day by people you work with, store assistants, general acquaintances.

From family, friends, people you love “you look gorgeous”; “your skin is amazing”; “I love your style” these are all normal things to say/share.

I have said and received the first time of compliment many times.

I have never commented on anyone's physical appearance.

Err no, I dont think the MIL is the narcissist here!

There is a lot of sub-text in the comments made, or at least they are too me - quite intrusive:

“love that dress on you, where’s it from?” - with modification, 'on you' is very personal, particularly if you'd say this to someone you don't actually know.

“your hair looks great, the new cut really suits you” - it looked a mess before or didn't suit you.

“you look fab in that top, blue is your colour”? - any other colours are not my colour then?

"you look gorgeous” - always or just now? Either way, too much

“your skin is amazing” - how would you know, I have make up on? Stop peering at me so closely

“I love your style” - Stop assessing me so much

=
It's like comments about weight loss. Unless you know that the person wants them, don't make them. Make no comments about anybody's body, it can be excruciating even if not intended.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

If you would genuinely assume that a colleague saying a new hair cut suits you is actually suggesting you previously looked shit you should probably look at your self esteem

Maybe look at your comprehension before advising others, PegasusReturns. What I said and what you've repeated are really not the same.