To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

You should leave him for your sake and the sake of your children. No one should be talking to you like this.

As always there’s assholes on here justifying the abusive man’s behaviour! I actually despair!

OP I hope you are ok. You know you need to end the relationship. The sooner the better. You don’t deserve this. Please get in touch with Women’s Aid and CAB for a benefit check.

OP, you must feel so overwhelmed right now. You poor thing, life is exhausting enough with toddlers and a job, plus a house to run without having to contantly tiptoe round an unexploded bomb (I imagine it feels)

Start by telling someone, just one person. Start sharing the mental burden so it becomes less on you. Make an appointment with your GP to tell them how run down and mentally exhausted you are, tell them what he said to you. Start getting it on an official record. Then maybe reach out to the domestic violence services at your local council (ours are great, yours may be also) Solace womens aid will give you advice and support.

One step at a time. I'm sure it's incredibly difficult to find the headspace to even contemplate a marriage breakup but the more you think it over, you'll find that solutions will present. DA charities will be able to give you lots of advice about processes. Try and envisage the end result. What do you see? A peaceful life for you and your children where you aren't tiptoeing round your husbands temper. Read this thread: the lady was in exactly your situation and with the help of mnetters, got out and is living her best life. It CAN be done. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4572101-plucking-up-the-courage-to-leave

Please leave. You only have one life. Be happy 💜 x

Because as a "real man" her husband expects her to work, raise the children, look after the house, make sure everyone is fed and allow him to do sod all except go to work.

There is no time for herself. It would likely be easier as a single parent because she wouldn't have him to worry about too. She could shower while she'd usually have been doing some of his stuff.

This⬆️

Tell your Dad while he’s still around to hopefully support you.

or contact Women’s Aid….

Anything is better than living like this, including for your kids.You don’t want them growing up thinking this is normal.

No doubt years of abuse have worn you down and made you feel like you can't escape. You can, but you need practical help and legal advice.
Take the first small steps by contacting Women's Aid and get an appointment with a solicitor. It will feel scary, but you can do those things. You have more rights than you think and you are stronger than you know.
Don't let that piece of shit you're married to destroy any more of your lives - you and your children deserve better.

Dear OP, please don’t focus on the posts telling you how to do better. You won’t ‘get it right’ ever with a man like him.

Please look at the posts with links to where you can get help. And please don’t think you won’t be able to manage alone - you and the children will be in an environment which you control - beans on toast in a safe place with your little ones will feel like heaven after what you are going through now - for both you and your children.

I hope you manage to get away from your bully and get the support you need from your dad and women’s aid/other specialist organisations helpful posters on the
is thread have signposted for you.

if I were your parent I would far rather know what was going on so I could help than live in the belief things were ok.

Love and strength.

seriously? Aren’t you a delight?

@MonsterMunched what an utterly and totally irrelevant point to make. Well done.

WTF 🤯

Your take away from this thread isn't that she is being verbally abused by her repulsive husband. Or the fact that her husband is a sexist pig who thinks his wife has to cook him dinner every night, despite also having a job herself, doing all the childcare and housework.

Your solution is she should batch cook on a Sunday and buy a slow cooker. Can’t have a man cook one meal a week.

Op, is this how your marriage has been for a long time?

Does he abuse you a lot? And the dcs?

I'm really sorry. It won't get better.

You say you can't afford to leave. Can you start making plans? Start working? Start saving.

It's really important you protect yourself and your dcs from further harm.

Yes her husband is going to have to cook himself dinner every night when she hopefully leaves the sexist pig.

I would like to say record his rant and let him listen to himself - but I’m not sure you would be safe. Are you? If you aren’t confident that you and your kids are safe around this man then you must leave. Perhaps record a few of his rants and keep the recordings secretly as evidence for no contact with kids/save them off your phone/with a friend. He might not want anyone to hear them and not dispute non contact.

As you are married with joint kids divorce would involve sharing assets. It won’t matter that the house is in his name - it’s a marital asset.

Take legal advice. A good divorce solicitor if you can afford it.

As you're married you may well be entitled to half the house, his pension etc etc. things may not be as bad as you think

Please leave this abusive POS.

Yeah. The point is two buses and an hour's walk 👉 that way.

Well said. The only way to deal with an H like this is to leave him - but I would hit back hard with his ‘failings’.

Folks, this is nothing to do with showers or batch cooking, for God’s sake.

He called her a twat, cunt, and a bitch. That’s not crappy, that’s abusive, but you decide to focus on her not having a shower?

How long it takes to wash your hair depends on your hair to be fair, if your hair long thick and curly (like mine) it can take 20 minutes to wash it.

and to think there’s children living in this shit show

@MonsterMunched

a) it takes longer than 5 minutes to shower and wash hair

b) she can shower whenever the fuck she wants

Wow. Way to miss the point !!

It feels like you have spectacularly missed the point. Why should she be solely responsible for cooking dinner? Why should she be spoken to like this?

He sounds vile.
I am also slightly confused as to why you've not managed to take even a quick shower in that time though tbh.