To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

Tell him a real man would offer to put the dc to bed and make tea whilst you have a shower

Seriously though - leave the bastard

The day my dh called me name would be the day I ended the relationship

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. It's a basic human right to get clean and no one should ever make you feel like you cannot do that.
I know it's not as simple and up and leave and it annoys me that people just say to do that so I'm not going to but I do think you need to have a think about whether this is someone you want to be with, and if it isn't then start making moves to end it.
Again you should NEVER have someone call you names because you want to get clean.
Relationships are all about give and take. Sometimes you give more than 50% to cover what they can't and sometimes they take more than 50% when you can't and it's unfair to be made to feel guilty for needing help!

^ this

It feels daunting and impossible but if you break it down into tiny steps it will be more manageable.

You could get support with each of those steps here as well as many people have been through this.

I divorced someone who was emotionally abusive but nowhere near as scary sounding as your husband, and one of my main drivers was that I didn’t want my kids to think that this was love or marriage. Even if they never see me in a better relationship (likely as I have been single since we divorced) at least they know that they can leave a bad relationship.

Getting divorced is one of the best things that has happened to me and no matter what I am going through, the fact that I am independent from him is an eternal source of joy.

He is abusing you. I think you can live chat on Women's Aid website now for advice.

What kind of piece of shit abuses his wife for wanting a shower for gods sake.

^

This

Those who said that are so completely wrong. It doesn't matter if you wanted to take 20 minutes you absolutely deserve to have that time.
If your husband cannot hold the fort down while you take some time for yourself than that says more about him than it does about you.

Not that hard to believe. Sometimes it just isn't possible and the mental overload of parenting can mean even if you do have 5 mins spare, you literally don't possess enough energy to do it.

The first time my my exH called me a cunt, I made plans to leave, and eventually did. No way would I allow my kids to grow up potentially hearing that.

I can't believe that people are talking about how long it takes to shower. Honestly, that is not the issue here!!

The issue is he has no respect for you. None. He doesn't see you as an individual with your own life, needs and wants. He sees you as someone there to facilitate his life.

I know it's not easy, but you need to leave. You should be able to top up your income with benefits - universal credit is there to plug the gaps for situations like this. Your life will be better without him. It might not be easy to begin with, but it will be worth it.

You don't want your children growing up thinking that treating others like this is ok. And you don't want to feel like this, and worse, as time goes on. Because this will not get better.

You can do this.

WTF?!!!! This is your response? To a post about verbal abuse. Check yourself.

poor you, he sounds like a right twat

Until you have a modicum of basic comprehension and emotional intelligence, just do one from this thread.

She doesn’t need to be told to ‘do better’ by you too. She needs to recognise that this is abuse. Don’t gaslight her further into thinking if she just ‘did better’ it would be ok because it won’t. Ok so she produces a nice stew cooked in a slow cooker. Do you think he will be happy then? No he won’t. He will feel empowered to find the next thing and the next thing. This is very bad advice.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Give these people a call op x

That's what I thought too.

OP: "My husband was abusive to me - he shouted and smashed up the kitchen because I didn't have a shower when he wanted me to."

Response: "Why did you need a shower? You obviously didn't plan your week very well."

🙄Mumsnet.

OP. Please make a plan to leave him.

The wider issue is the MAIN issue! OP should be able to go and have a shower for however long as she likes and have a bit of time making herself feel better without being berated for it and called vile names by her husband, she should not have to come up with ways to fit everything in so that she doesnt get abused for it. Any decent man would offer to take over some things in the home to free up time so their partner can do something so basic.

I hate these men. 😞

Please leave him, you have options. Please look at ‘matrimonial home rights’. You might be able to register your rights to your home. If he has somewhere he can live (family, another property etc) and you do not, you also can apply for an occupation order to give you rights to live in the property. Especially with children most courts grant them to allow the primary caregiver and children to stay in their home. It can also be in the order that he has to keep paying the mortgage to give you room to support yourself.

Your husband is all that he called you but this time there is proof of it.
He is also ace managing his time because do nothing but work.
What a prince.

A real man wouldn't do this. He is what is known as an abusive lazy c#!t

edited to add speak to a domestic abuse organisation. You are not protecting your children by staying. You all need legal protection and you need to find out what options you have. Staying gives your children the indication this is acceptable and women are not equal but merely mens slaves. I get you don't want him alone with them so get legal advice. domestic abuse organisations often have free legal advice

It's over. Don't worry about your dad, he'd rather see you happy

Tell him a real man wouldn’t call his wife and the mother of his child a c**t.

This is a definite LTB what an abusive prick

Who are the 3 percent who think u r being unreasonable 🙄he is vile.

Jesus fucking Christ, this is what you took from OPs post?