To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

@Hopingforbetterluck If you are reading, would you consider reporting your post to Mumsnet and asking for a title change?

It's confusing as it stands.

You've explained in your further posts that you DID shower, but you needed time on this occasion to also wash and style your hair.

As a lot of us have said, the shower is not the point anyway.

Your H called you terrible names and it doesn't matter what provoked him.
There will be many other examples of his bullying and temper that you haven't told us about. This isn't a one-off is it?

Please don't be passive and allow him to treat you like this.

God, who are the 3% or posters who think the OP was unreasonable? FFS.

It wouldn’t be salvageable after I was called those names.

Domestic abuse comes in many different guises, OP, not just physical violence. I’m never one to say LTB, but honestly, nothing there is going to get better

this is who I’ve ended up with.

@Hopingforbetterluck Please let today be the day you decide this is not true. ^^ He has your head so fried that you think you won’t manage without him/his money - there are many women on here who were in your position and have a positive story to tell after leaving their abuser.

You’ve been given good advice with helpline numbers etc. Please help yourself and your children by reaching out to Women's Aid. 0808 2000 247

You are worth so much more than this.

When are you leaving him?

The ones who think the OP should just organise her time better and then her poor put upon husband wouldn’t be expected to put dinner in the oven.

And I bet this wet cumrag of a man gets to have as many showers as he likes, at whatever time he likes.

OP, you don't need him. Throw the whole man in the bin.

I would absolutely do this. If he wants a 1950s wife he needs to be a 1950s man.

If he wants a working wife he needs to do his share and STFU.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone talking to me like that. I certainly wouldn't want my kids hearing it or seeing it. They will either be like him or choose someone like him.

ETA: Leave him. You deserve better and so do your children.

That's really really REALLY not the point is it! Are you the husband?

I can only presume that they are men or the shower twice a day with a fresh towel every time brigade

Let me guess, he was lovely and charming and a wonderful man until you got pregnant and gradually became less lovely and charming and since child no2 has become an abusive arsehole (although an arsehole would be more useful), it's so predictable.
Op, I'm sorry you are in this situation, its going to be hard, but it's time to leave, he'll get more abusive and erode even more of your confidence until you won't know which way is up or down, or left and right.
Look at woman's aid and the freedom program, I'm sure someone who is better at tech. than me can do a link for you.
Wishing you all the best and a happier brighter future without the nobhead

Yeah my showers are five minutes in theory … a good twenty in reality.

I’m so sorry OP, that’s an awful way to speak to you. The thing about “a real woman” is belittling in the extreme.

I’m not a LTB crier in general but is there anything you value in this relationship? Because that is all more than just a normal marital row: it’s indicative of total lack of respect for you.

What the hell. That isn’t even the issue. Her husband was asked to do one thing and acted in a very abusive manner. What does it matter when she showers?!

This is what you take from this post? Just wow

Op you deserve so much better than this awful person. Please please tell someone in real life

Well he’s a charmer isn’t he! Did you get an apology later?

A ‘real woman’ 🤢 yeah he needs to be a ‘real man’ then and work enough so you don’t have to and all that sexist jazz

Another woman crying about her dick of a husband but refusing to leave because of finances. You’re bringing your children up in an abusive household, how can you put finances before their wellbeing?

I think some people have missed the most important aspects of this post.

The showering thing is only a part of this. As far as I'm concerned OP, you don't have a marriage. He has contempt for you, and you're not living in an emotionally healthy environment. Leave him. If you don't, I think you will regret that you didn't do it sooner in future.

Pure facts. The responses on here are embarrassing. I hate that the OP who is clearly being abused, now probably also feels unnecessarily judged and might not return to this thread.

My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

You are acting like this can’t be helped but you are choosing to be treated this way.

Many of us are single parents, with no financial help, yet we manage to cope.

There is absolutely no way I would allow my kids to be raised in a home where they think this is an acceptable way to treat someone.

It is not your fault that he is an abusive twat.
It is not your fault that he is a violent bully.
It is your fault that you are allowing this to continue, instead of leaving.

You can decide whether you want to continue being treated like this and allow your kids to have miserable home lives.
Or you can decide to make a change and refuse to be treated like this anymore.

Tell him he eaten the last dinner you're ever cooking for him.

YABU for staying with a man like that. When did he change from being lovely and reasonable to being the vile bastard he is today ? Ask yourself if you would be happy if your daughter was married to such a man, if the answer is no you know what you have to do.

Absolutely this. You're worth so much more than this, OP, and your children don't deserve to have this as the relationship that's modelled to them.

Why the fuck are you with such a loser? Leave and get your kids out of there.

And you have had more than one child with this prince? Op, you are married, you have rights. Start to use them - see a lawyer. No one deserves to be treated like this, you and your kids deserve better.