To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

Each of your replies has made me sadder and sadder. The choices you’re making for your one and only life are shocking. Call Women’s Aid.

The non existent "time management", the fear
of "nowadays" women of physical work and getting up early enough to manage is also shocking. 😁

Omg! Are you for real? Are you condoning his behaviour? Sorry not everyone is as perfect as you seem to be claiming to be.

Just leave. Everything else is fixable later. Don’t let your children grow up thinking this is normal.
You deserve so much better. Your married so you’ll get more financially than you think.

Oh OP, it sounds really bad. Sorry you feel in the position you have to put up with this on a daily basis. Hope you find enough strenght and wisdom on here to move on.

Everyone saying a shower and a hair wash takes 5 mins- that depends entirely on your skin and hair types. Fur me it's an hour as I have to moisturise and dry and style my lank fine hair or I'm just miserable with how I look.

People's normalities are not all the same.

I'd bet all my money that he wouldn't keep up contact time.

There's a lot of us who have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

He thinks the kids, the house, the food is all women's work. He would not feed or clean up after young kids and the path of least resistance is to give up seeing them.

Eh? She just wanted a shower while her husband put the dinner on. In what world is that unreasonable? Even if she’d had a shower that morning, I’d still think he was an abusive arsehole for calling her those names for wanting another one in the evening.
The OPs time management isn’t the issue here.
And what the fuck has ‘physical work’ got to do with anything?

Oh OP. I’m sorry you’re in an abusive relationship. It sounds like you feel really trapped.

But can you see this getting better? When you’re very honest with yourself?

Also, how do you think the children feel hearing all his abuse?

Your dad would be heartbroken if he knew you were staying and keeping it from him to save him knowing. If he’s an option, you could go there.

@Hopingforbetterluck

You said it's got worse since your 1st pregnancy so I can't help but ask why you stayed with him & went on to have another child with him?? What you've described is highly dysfunctional & downright abusive. You need to get out.

If he wants a “real” woman that cooks every night and runs an efficient household like a domestic goddess that’s fine. Simply offer the solution to be a SAHM. You can take care of everything to do with the home and he can bring in the money to sufficiently sustain the family. You can’t have it both ways. If you are both working then the domestic chores need to be divided up equally. You both work then you both cook and clean equally. You can’t work and do all the household stuff on top. If he wants traditional roles then he needs to also be the traditional husband… you can’t have it both ways..

Becoming a SAHM would leave the OP even more trapped and vulnerable. Not a good solution.

What an absolute turd of a human he is. Love is too short for this! You only get one life
This is NOT normal

This is not a relationship, it is a master/slave dynamic, and the only, ONLY choice you have in this is how it ends.

You can choose to leave ASAP - contact Women's Aid, go to your father's (what would really break his heart is to not allow him to help you when you are in this state), go to your sister's go anywhere. Get yourself and your children safe.

You can risk staying until you get your finances together - and please know, your children know what is happening and it is already affecting them. I thought my son didn't know - he did.

Or you can stay, in which case he will cheat on you and/or beat you up/kill you, or leave you when it suits him. And when he makes the choice to leave you/throw you out, all the reasons you are telling yourself that you have to stay will be a reality, but it will happen at a time of his choosing.

The one outcome that isn't going to happen is that he will see the light and become a decent person.

For your own sake and for the sake of your children, get out now, before it gets worse. It ALWAYS gets worse.

RTFT. Just the ops posts would suffice.

When I'm feeling depressed, I find it really hard to get the energy up to shower especially when I look around the house and see a million things that need doing. And that's with a supportive partner. I can see what she's coming from.

Can people stop wanging on about her time management - her husband is a horrible abusive prick. Mr Monkey has just realised he has poorly timed park run and getting ready for work so has messaged asking me to do him some breakfast while he showers.

I, unsurprisingly, have not called him a cunt.

And if the OP WAS constantly chaotic and had poor time management there are better ways to address this. It just sounds like her husband is a horrible dickhead who, for some reason (possession of a penis probably) thinks performing any household task is beneath him.

Your first point, given the ops updates, isn't the issue.

I'd be stinking if I didn't shower in so long. It's completely bizarre to me that you didn't.
That aside, he's an arsehole for speaking to you in that manner.

It's interesting how many people don't RTFT before posting. Not even just the ops posts.

OP, the shower issue is not the point to worry about here, this man is calling you names and being abusive. You say that it has got worse since your first child and is getting worse.

Please listen to all the PP who are advising that you get some help and some legal advice.

This sort of abuse will get worse and worse and it will get harder and harder to leave.

Please try and find the strength.

If you are married, you have rights in your home no matter who owned it when you got married.

This explains your right to live in your home https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/

And this one tells you about your rights around matrimonal property (including your home) if you decide to divorce
https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law-information/a-guide-to-financial-arrangements-after-marriage-breakdown/

Sorry you are going through this. Your children deserve to grow up in a home with no abuse, as do you. You need to face this and protect yourself and your children.

Imagine reading a post about someone who is clearly being abused by her husband and instead of focusing on that, making rude comments on her lack of showering.

Christ. Some real charmers here.

Any excuse for people to put the boot in. I can only imagine that they have something lacking in their lives.