Page 9 | Who pays first date

Honeybu · 2024-05-03T18:20:26+00:00

Ok I just been for a first date coffee. been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward. I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink. offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing. Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay? This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

AbFabDaaaaahling · 03/05/2024 23:05

@PacoJazz What a load of sexist rubbish!!

TheCadoganArms · 03/05/2024 23:07

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

The mental acrobats I was referring to earlier.

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:08

AbFabDaaaaahling · 03/05/2024 23:05

@PacoJazz What a load of sexist rubbish!!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion
And you can keep yours to yourself.

AbFabDaaaaahling · 03/05/2024 23:10

@PacoJazz So can you! Are you living in 1930?

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:13

AbFabDaaaaahling · 03/05/2024 23:05

@PacoJazz What a load of sexist rubbish!!

Brainwashed

StealthIguana · 03/05/2024 23:17

Financial compensation for childbirth... from a partner?! What a strange dynamic. I may be a mere lady, but I knew what to expect when we both decided to have children, and DP doing the brunt of the housework and bringing in more money while I was mainly taking care of feeding and on mat pay was enough.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/05/2024 23:23

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

Pregnancies aren't generally forced on women. I wanted to be pregnant, I wasn't just doing my husband a favour because he can't get pregnant.

Laidbackguy · 03/05/2024 23:27

You've only really got "strong, independent women" to thank for this.

Most guys have had the experience of being shouted at for acting in what would once have been a couresus manner by some angry woman who assumes holding a door open (insert other random gesture) is a sign she can't do it rather than simple manners.

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:27

AbFabDaaaaahling · 03/05/2024 23:10

@PacoJazz So can you! Are you living in 1930?

Does a different opinion make you so angry that you start attacking the person in question?

Dictatorship of thought
two-bit self-righteousness.

JosiePosey · 03/05/2024 23:29

It's a first date, this is him trying to impress you.

What's he going to do 5 dates in? Ask you to pay his petrol when he comes to meet you?

I'd expect him to pay as he asked you out. Plus it's rude to just order for himself like that.

Laidbackguy · 03/05/2024 23:34

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

Men typically do more physically demanding, dangerous jobs to provide for a family. Should women pay more for the health effects men suffer?

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:37

@TheCadoganArms you re limited 😘

Upinthenightagain · 03/05/2024 23:57

This is always a divisive topic. In the end it’s each to their own. Some women and men like more traditional dynamics when it comes to dating.

ZebraZone · 04/05/2024 00:06

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

Why isn't it courtesy for a woman to pay, whats the difference?

What happens on a same sex date, who pays?? 😱🤣

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/05/2024 00:10

Laidbackguy · 03/05/2024 23:27

You've only really got "strong, independent women" to thank for this.

Most guys have had the experience of being shouted at for acting in what would once have been a couresus manner by some angry woman who assumes holding a door open (insert other random gesture) is a sign she can't do it rather than simple manners.

What a load of misogynistic bollocks.

slashlover · 04/05/2024 00:19

PacoJazz · 03/05/2024 23:02

Men need to pay on dates especially the first one, it's courtesy.

And generally, men need to contribute more than ladies in a relationship/marriage.

For example, in the spirit of 50/50, I would have suggested to my partner that we share the time/pain/health impact of pregnancy (ie 4.5 months each), but as this is obviously unfeasible and everything falls on the woman, men have to pay more to re-establish the 50/50 in this relationship.

As simple as that.

Bisous 😘

What if the woman doesn't want kids? In fact, if it turns out they can't have kids, can he demand money be returned?

Reluctantgarderner · 04/05/2024 00:24

A mine field for men. They insist on paying.. they’re out of order/ controlling / old fashioned. They treat you like an equal/ new acquaintance.. they’re tight.
More importantly did you have a nice time? Enjoy his company ? Have a laugh?

StormingNorman · 04/05/2024 07:27

x2boys · 03/05/2024 20:12

I haven't dated in 20 years,either i always,went 50/50 but it was more i would get a round ,they would get a,round etc.

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Alternate rounds definitely. But I wouldn’t invite anyone for a coffee and then not get the first round whether it was a date, friend, work colleague or whoever.

PersephonePomegranate23 · 04/05/2024 07:30

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/05/2024 22:42

A stranger who invited her out, she has got all dressed up for, and presumably wants to impress her

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Dressed up for Starbucks or wherever? Give over.

Testina · 04/05/2024 07:42

I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I know it’s not your question OP, but this to me is just weird! I cannot get my head round caring, and cannot imagine ordering a sandwich only because someone else was.

As to who should pay… here, 50/50.
Esprcially if this was online dating. It’s not clear if it actually was online dating as you only say talking online. If he slid into your DMs in a hobby group then I might feel a bit more, “he (or she) asks he (or she) pays”. But online dating changes the landscape completely. Sadly it’s still more common for men to be expected to make the first move then, and it’s unfair in that case that first move is burdened with paying every time!

highlo · 04/05/2024 07:43

JosiePosey · 03/05/2024 23:29

It's a first date, this is him trying to impress you.

What's he going to do 5 dates in? Ask you to pay his petrol when he comes to meet you?

I'd expect him to pay as he asked you out. Plus it's rude to just order for himself like that.

All of this.

If you invite someone for a coffee you offer to pay

mamajong · 04/05/2024 07:49

This grinds my gears honestly. Of course it should be 50/50, this is equality, you can't just pick and choose when equality suits and when it doesn't!

It's different if the date chooser has picked somewhere expensive and offered in advance to pay but this is coffee

KateDelRick · 04/05/2024 07:52

highlo · 04/05/2024 07:43

All of this.

If you invite someone for a coffee you offer to pay

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No, you arrange to meet a person for the first time - why should the man pay?

Coincidentally · 04/05/2024 08:34

OLD has changed the landscape. You are not a blushing maiden being courted by an earnest suitor -you have advertised yourself as available on an equal footing for a mutual assessment of whether you want up progress a friendship/relationship.
Ridiculous to insist the man pays. What happens in same sex relationships?
It is disingenuous to say it is ‘whoever asked the other’ when people on here insist it is the ban who had to ask for a ‘date’.