Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

I do absolutely see your point and the cliche. I suppose my point is that the beauty standard for women will always be higher than it is for men. It’s not about impressing with my sexy looks (hold the laughter) it’s about the extra time spent to look ‘presentable’. No matter how short your hair/make up routine, it’s extra work men don’t consider.

ISWYM re paying the bill. A man will make this gesture to impress but if a woman made the same gesture it likely would not be well received. Playing into the stereotype women need to be taken care of.

This is my experience too. I went on a date recently, he invited me to a very fancy restaurant, it wasn’t my choice of food and I definitely wouldn’t have chosen to go there. The bill came to over £500 (I only know this because I looked when he went to the toilet, after he had paid) last date I went on, nice restaurant I offered to pay half and the guy started laughing and said no way. Men like to pay.

I would expect to go 50/50 on a first date. Can't see any reason why you would expect him to pay? Just because he was the one who suggested meeting up?

There have been quite a few other posts, I was referring to the overall point, of who should pay on a first date.
Many posters have said the man, simply for being a man. It's odd that a woman expecting to be paid for is fine, yet a man not paying for both is tight. I was agreeing with the pp that it is confusing that many of us want equality, yet still expect to be paid for because we're female.

It's common to split the bill 50/50 or each pay for yourself on a first date.
Also, you didn't have to buy a sandwich just because he did.

I wouldnt agree to a coffee date, sounds like a tight arse.

I met DH in 2016 and we split things on our dates. I would never have expected him to pay for everything.

I would expect him to offer to pay for the first date, it’s just polite and him not offering would be a turn off for me.

YANBU. He asked you out and it was a coffee, not a full course dinner and either way, even then he should cover. My goodness women these days really try hard to "show feminism" overall yet don't realise they're being short changed. A tight man over not paying for a coffee the first time you meet over the BEST he is showing you over who he is will simply NOT provide for their family years into things. It's a massive ick and people who choose this will take the load and be the every day Mumsnet poster years in over how to deal with the cocklodger or man who won't "help towards family life. Get shut of.

I think you'll find the is plenty of equality.

What can't we do?

@Nottodayplease36 Laughed when you offered?!! Misogynist right there.

Def pay for yourself on the first few dates. I'd find anything else infantilising. Also, you only bought a sandwich because you were embarrassed to watch him eating. That's not his problem- and without it would presumably have been less than half the cost

@Hereyoume There will be even less equality if women, in 2024, are still expecting a man to pay for them!

@randomfemthinker What do you mean "provide for his family"? Can the woman not provide too?

Not all of us want a man to 'provide' for us.

I have my own career and don't need or want a man to provide for me.

Because he invited her and also he got to the till first

A stranger who invited her out, she has got all dressed up for, and presumably wants to impress her

Even when I was a teenager a boy asked me out to Burger King and he got my Coke and fries for me (I did offer to pay) as he knew that's what you do when you ask someone on a date. This is a grown adult man and he doesn't act as gentlemanly as a teen in the early 2000s did?

I've always done rounds in bars on first dates. I just cannot imagine ordering a drink and then letting the other person order a drink. A coffee and sandwich would cost about the same as a large wine so what's the difference here?

That's exactly what I thought. What a prick

Each pays their own way. Why should a man pick up the tab - there might not be a second date.

'Gentlemanly' - just Uggh

I'm not sure why you'd expect a man you don't know from Adam to buy you a meal.

This is not 1954 or 1854.

I'd rather pay for myself

I’d always offer to pay (I’m female) but likewise would be great if someone else insisted. If someone just paid for their own I’d definitely be put off.