Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

He should be very damn interested. If you ask most men when they fell for their wives they’ll say first date. If he’s not blown away first date he’s not going to ever be.

I personally would not give a shite over who pays for a cup of coffee but there are still plenty of folk on here who think that dinner dates etc (i.e. £100+) are still 100% the responsibility of the man and he is 'tight' if he deviates from this.

Whoever asked the other person to meet up should pay IMHO regardless of man/woman.

You didn’t read my post. I was (jokingly) talking about my time spent getting ready prior to the date. Which no doubt would be an hour longer than the bloke.

50/50. I can pay for my own coffee, thanks. Don't need a man to "treat" me!

This plays into the exact same gender cliches I wanted to avoid.

I don't have a particularly long make-up routine for going out and in any case I didn't take any longer on it for a date than I would going clubbing with my mates. Spent more time faffing around looking for my keys in those days.

I did expect men to look presentable on their dates but more so I wanted them to be physically fit, in other words to have spent time exercising. Probably more time than I spent doing my make-up. You could argue they'd have gone to the gym anyway but I'd have done my token make-up routine anyway too.

But mostly my point is why could I not be the one to impress them by slapping down my card to pay for them? Why, when you think of a man and a woman trying to impress each other, do you automatically think he's doing it by paying and she's doing it by looking sexy?

They might think you are also a tight arse and never give you a second date it works both ways

@Saltyswee If you are with a man and doing all of the housework then you're a fool.

I’d expect to pay for my own tbh

Maybe that's why you have gone on a lot of first dates ?......

So first time I met my dh it was a one night stand we went ona date two nights later and paid 50/50 we got married six months later we are celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary in August.

This might blow your mind but people on thr relationship boards generally post as they have bad relationships it's very biased .

When I was dating I never, ever offered to pay. Men always paid. Sometimes I didn’t even see the bill. Also went on lots of first dates from OLD and pretty much always got asked out again. Men really are not fretting over the bill if they like the look of you.

@Upinthenightagain Why the hell should the man pay?!!

It could get very expensive for men if they are expected to pay for every date. First date I’d 100% be doing 50-50

But if you never paid or offered , it means you're "tight" and it's a "red flag" apparently.

So we want equality... except when it comes to paying for things?!!! Nuts.

A £3.50 coffee? 😂😂

This wasn’t a fancy meal it was a bloody coffee🤣

She paid for her own coffee!

FFS! This is the batshittery of MN. 😂😂

People are carrying on like they met up in the Ivy 😂

When you make a new female friend you say
‘shall we grab a coffee‘ and then you insist on paying? Really?

How extraordinary. I’ve never heard of this.

Perhaps that’s why to my mind it’s a 50/50 split no matter who asked. I dislike being paid for as if I were a child. As the relationship progresses things change and people treat each other or
take it in turns or whoever earns more pays or whatever.

So? What’s your point? Do you think if you’d not offered to pay 50/50 on your date he wouldn’t have married you?

Honestly, since it was at a cafe, I think he just didn't even think of inviting you! If it was a dinner or even drinks, absolutely he should, but a coffee you bring to your own table doesn't register for me as something you would offer to pay for, if you see what I mean? It's super informal and he probably didn't even think about it, go on a second date for drinks and I'm sure he will invite you then :) And then you take turns inviting each other, should feel natural.

As long as we do our bit by looking pretty and making it worth him paying! Although he doesn't need to make the same effort, paying is seemingly enough to impress us.

I wonder why women expecting to be paid for is okay, but a man doing so would be tight. I don't imagine expecting to be paid for all the time is particularly attractive from either sex, even if you have put some lipstick on.

It was a fucking coffee 🙄

I’ve been on lots of 2nd/3rd/4th dates too and still never paid despite offering.