To be completely shocked about someone I used to know

[EWAB]

When my youngest was at primary school I really liked this woman who had kids either side of mine.

She was in the PTA equivalent and was just a nice woman. There was no drama around her.

I remember having a day off and went into the local cafe, and she invited me to sit with her friends. She was funny, warm and witty.

Significantly, she had friends of all ethnicities and her best friend was Asian.

Everybody will relate to being busy but I think if it was a different time in my life or we had kids in same year we would have been mates.

I am absolutely shocked that she is a member of a right wing political party and has a presence in that party, utterly and completely shocked.

I know it’s not illegal but God.

All three of my siblings are Tories, I’m not someone who thinks everyone has to think like me but I am stunned.

Mumsnet hates this, but I have had a physical reaction to the news. I am just Gobsmacked and weirdly let down and I do know that’s a stupid, irrational thing to say.

Mumsnet hates this, but I have had a physical reaction to the news. @EWAB what was the physical reaction?

It makes me sad when I see people who I regard as intelligent, nice and admire, spouting awful incorrect rubbish about immigration etc etc. it's like they suddenly grew fangs and horns right there in front of you!

Academic research bears out that those on the left consider things like racism, sexism to be barriers to friendship. It is not 'only' but there is a statistical difference.

Presumably those who take this approach don't think they are missing out by not being friends with people who hold views they consider beyond the pale.

I have previously stepped back from people with views I find abhorrent. Am I really missing out? I am polite to but not close with people who I find properly offensive.

No doubt, but if we are to judge entire political parties on the basis of the views of a portion its membership that's problematic.

I maintain the point that no mainstream UK party has manifesto beliefs that align with the Nazi party and the horrors of the holocaust.

It is offensive to suggest that this is the case.

I agree which party aligns with this?

Why do you feel 'let down' by someone you used to know (as you said in your title)!? Her vote isnt about you, has nothing to do with you.

The post was not offensive, you overreacted IMO.

You've pointed out your position much more sensibly in this subsequent post.

The poster had a different starting point to you - they were not talking about mainstream parties.

The post is offensive to many people.

Wow, I did not know that! My empirical evidence now has some credence…
Your second paragraph is also interesting, as the OP is clearly quite upset that her former friend has their presence in a party OP finds abhorrent, but appears to be thinking she might miss out because of it.
I have very different views of certain topics than many of my friends, but maintain friendships with them unless they make their persona all about their “topic”. E.g. I recently “grey rocked” a former friend when their entire online presence switched to boasting about their connection with an organisation hell-bent on stopping normal people going about their daily business, while gaining a criminal record for themself (and boasting about that, too!)
I guess it’s all down to where you choose to draw the line for yourself…
Thank you so much @qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty

You do understand the policies of the Tories are just the same as most far right parties, but worded more eloquently?

Posters who have managed to find a political party whose policies match their personal beliefs and priorities 100% are either writing those policies, or not really looking.

The kind of tribal 'if you vote for x party you are a bad person, if you vote for y party you are a good person' thinking doesn't lead anywhere good for us as individuals or as a society.

I can see why you'd be shocked, as it seems out of character from what you knew.
People can get radicalised online, it might be through her partner? God knows. But I guess you know you're glad you're not friends with her now.
Some people get obsessed with the idea of status, popularity and power, and if a certain group seems to give them that then they're in. It can take days, or years.
It's horrible some people seem to have hateful views but just be glad you're not one of them.

What was your physical reaction to someone existing outwith your echo chamber of all that is good and right with the world?
Snapping and farting? Screaming at art?

I know some good sensible people who become irrational once politics starts. They make pronouncements about other people’s motives, behaviour etc that are completely unwarranted. I give a little side eye and sigh at their unidimensional outlook to be honest.

This with massive knobs on.

Agree.

Maybe not Tory but if someone was in support of a BNP type far right party I think it does say a lot about them as a person.

It seems to me that people who deem themselves "liberal" or "left leaning" are the ones who have the most to say/berate others viewpoints does anyone else find this...

Certainly on here ,some posters are very vocal about assuming people who don't vote the way they think they should are thick and stupid.

Well some people on MN, and on this thread, equate the SNP with fascism. What do we make of that?

You going to bother coming back and tell us which party OP - or just leave it so we can fight amongst ourselves? :)

I'd be as shocked as you and I would say I am a floating voter and vote depending on the politics /policies/what I feel the country most needs at a particular time. But there's nothing about a the very right wing parties that I find palatable and I couldn't like someone who supported their policies let alone was prepared to be a mouth piece for them.

Oh absolutely agree! You only have to use this thread to see how narrow minded and judgemental people can be! Especially with seeking popularity and power. It is horrible the hateful and judgemental views out there.

Well, I'm in the position, like many other women, of having to vote for a party that doesn't know (or care) what a woman is, just to get the conservatives out. Am I happy and proud of that? No.

I don't know if people can be pinned down to good/bad for the parties they vote for, the manifestos all sound ticketty-boo and politicians are generally liars who are more interested in self-enrichment, regardless of colour. That said, I would never vote blue, they need to be gone.

Are you being goady with your wide-eyed horror, OP?

Exactly

The BNP are extremely cunning; they reel people in with a 'we're not racist, we just care about Britain' narrative. I remember one of their election campaign films on TV showed a south Asian Sikh man explaining why he would (apparently) be voting for them. Of course, this is all lies and their very reason for existing is to be racist.

Another example of the BNP approach is their Holocaust denial, which takes the form of saying 'we don't deny the Holocaust, we just don't think more than a few thousand people were murdered' - in other words, they 100% deny the Holocaust and the loss of millions of lives.

This insidious approach is how they attract people who would like to imagine themselves as moderates.