What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

Two under two never appealed to me at all.

There's five and a half years between my boys and at times it's been a massive ballache and felt too much. Ideally, I'd have had a three and a half to four year age gap but life didn't turn out like that unfortunately.

Mine are 17months apart ( now 30 and 31 and very close). I had horrendous hyperemesis with both pregnancies. I wanted to have 2 children but there was no way I could have got an older one to nursery/ playgroup/ Reception whilst pregnant with a second one. Ideally I needed to have the second one before the first one was able to move fast, needed to be anywhere , couldn't be put in a baby chair next to the loo whilst I puked and puked. I would have loved to have waited but ,if I had, I'm not sure I could ever have gone back to being pregnant, and so appallingly sick, again. The drugs offered now were not available then. You had nothing at all until 12 weeks and then an injection of Stematol to try to ease it ( it didnt) The only thing you had was a hospital admission and a drip to rehydrate you. That's why I had 2 under 2.

we have a 14 month gap. Now they’re older it’s getting expensive . 2 at college, 2 lots of bus/train fares. 18th birthday was expensive and we’ve got to do it again next year, older one is struggling with driving so we will be paying for two lots of lessons in June for god knows how long ! 😂

Fertility issues for us will lead to us trying for 2 under 2. Started trying for a kid very early 30s, unexplained infertility, savings, IVF, baby at 36. Earliest I’m allowed to try again is 37 putting baby at 38 but if issues will be 39/40. My mum menopause was diagnosed at 45. Simply can’t have a longer break.

I had two under two, def not by choice, but 3 year gap seems to be “preferred” round here with plenty of 4/5, with many choosing to have another when #1 is nearing school age.

it’s good now mine are older but I didn’t sleep for five years and barely remember the early days, especially of DS2. I must have resembled a zombie. I don’t recommended it tbh. A friend had his 12 months apart, again not planned. He got through it but again resembled a zombie.

im about to have 3 under 4 🤷🏽‍♀️. Yes some days can be a bit of a challenge but the smaller age gap means they are like built in best friends. I don’t think I could raise a child to more independence then start the process all over again, I’d prefer to get the nappies and sleepless nights out the way. I also have the experience of growing up with a 6 year age gap between my little sister and I… I wouldn’t wish that on my own children as the gap was way too long for us to have anything in common when we were younger.

I don’t think there’s an obsession with it? Mine are 19mo apart, and no one ever has anything positive to say about the small gap.

There’s pros and cons to all aspects of parenting. I’m a SAHM so will be back to work sooner than if we’d left a bigger gap, but it’s bloody hard work!

My brother & I had an even smaller gap and hated each other, we still don’t talk, so I don’t believe any gap can automatically guarantee closeness, I think that depends on parenting & personalities.

Small gaps have always been common in the UK. I noticed gaps were larger in the US so probably just tradition.

I can remember being at school and knowing siblings with small age gaps and the issues with friendship groups was real. One would be more popular than the other and because they had the same friends it would cause one great angst. I can recall thinking, “thank god mine and my sister’s lives were so separate and I didn’t have to complete”. Im sure there are also siblings who have the same mates and it worked well, do definitely a personality thing.

I think younger siblings benefit from at least three year age gap as they get more attention.

I think people like to get it out the way, having kids, especially as we are having kids older nowadays. I had my first when I was 30, I had my 2nd 3 months ago and she is 4 at the end of the month. I could not and would not be able to have 2 under 2, not for me! My daughter is incredibly independent and it makes life with a newborn 100x easier, not to mention she sleeps and the sleep issues have gone, I couldn’t have two not sleeping as she was terrible up until age 3! It depends on support I think also as I don’t have much and never any breaks so a small age gap would have broke me! Lol

Also I could not afford two in childcare at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to work and couldn’t afford not to work, my daughter goes to school by time my newborn is in childcare when I’m back to work so had to space it out for financial reasons also.

We aimed for this to save money (17 months between my DC)
I didn’t want to take too long out of the work place and meant there was only 1 year when they were at different schools
It worked well for me - they are now adults and have always been very close

My two DCs are 20 months apart. It was planned that way.

Logistically, we couldn’t have afforded child care for 2 children and therefore it made sense for me to be a SAHM for a while after DC2 was born.

It wasn’t easy, nor was it awful. Developmentally it worked for us as a family (sleepless nights, nappies, pre-school). The children are incredibly close now.

If only it was as straightforward as wanting the perfect age gap.
Firstly, pregnancy and a resulting baby isn’t guaranteed and, secondly, there is no “perfect” age gap - everyone is different. I have a five year age gap, but that’s not out of choice, but it is perfect for us and works for us. Had we had a 3 year gap as we wanted, I’m sure it would equally have been perfect and worked for us. I have friends who have an 18 month/2 year gap and although it was mental initially, now the kids are a bit older, it’s great. That sort of gap was never on my radar though.

That is really interesting to read. My eldest has massive jealousy issues with her younger brother who I had quite quickly after her. They are teens now but that jealousy has never gone away and still causes so many arguments to this day.

3 years seems to be the most common age gap for people I know but I found the 3 years bad for jealousy. I have a 3 year age gap then a just under 2 year gap and I found the 2 years so much easier than 3 - my middle boy didn't even notice the baby for months haha and now they're like twins, joined at the hip.

It's all well and good until you're paying 2 sets of uni fees at the same time.

We had 2 under 1 (10 months apart) and honestly it was difficult at times but I really loved it. They’ve never known life without each other but they do fight like cat and dog, my eldest is now 5 and we are finding a good plateau of them being able to communicate clearly and share with one another (it was a bit tricky around the 2/3s age, but eldest is ND which added an extra layer).
On the other hand we are expecting DC3 in a few weeks and the 4/5 year gap will hopefully be just as lovely, the boys are so so excited and interested in her growth week by week, helping to get things ready.
Either way, I wouldn’t change a thing!

Between my dd1 and ds1 is 3 years 4 days. I have and still find it horrendous. Dd is horrendously jealous and has always been!

However between ds1 and ds2 is 2 years 4 months and my son has never shown jealousy and it feels easier! Also dd adores her youngest brother lol

So the research I heard of a 2 year age gap or 5 year plus works best.. holds some truth for us!

I’ve done 2 under 2 twice with a big gap In between. It was easier. They were friends and kept each other company for years. I’d recommend it tbh.

3 1/2 years between mine. Had back problems after no 1 so wasn’t sure if I would have a second. 2 under 2 could mean two at University at the same time which could be a huge financial outlay if you have to contribute to their living costs. I also didn’t like the idea of double buggies.

I can’t think of anything
worse than 2 under 2 personally.
1 is 14
2 is 5.5
3 is 1 month old.
and I adore my age gaps. Currently sat in the sunshine reading my book and eating haribo bf my newborn in peace and quiet. The others still get plenty of bonding time with him, and my days are peaceful and enjoyable with the baby. Same last time too. I much prefer larger age gaps and wouldn’t want it any other way. I think doing what I’m doing now with a toddler would be crazy, and I’d feel so guilty. But newborns feed a lot, so I wouldn’t have a choice.

2 of mine are 11 months apart so much easier than my bigger age gaps of 3-7 years

definitely personality, we haven’t struggled at all to keep ours happy on holidays. We went to rome last year with a 13 year old and a 4 year old. The only main struggle was us all sharing a room and it was basically like 3 adults in a small space. Other than that, it was fine.
and my 14 year old spends loads of time with his sister, and the baby. I dont
tjink you need things in common to get along, but they actually do have things in common, they do art and drawing a lot
together. Yes he will be at a different stage of life to the newborn, but I don’t see that as a bad thing.