What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

I don’t think anyone is saying that’s the only way. For some it might be the best option and for others it is not.

For me I didn’t particularly enjoy the baby stage and so didn’t want to go back to it once getting away from it. Plus if I was taking time away from my career the last thing I wanted to do was get back to work to then take more time off later. I took my maternities back to back which worked well for me in the long run.

each to their own I say.

There's no right or wrong. People do what suits them and their circumstances. For every person who says they didn't get on with their close in age sibling, there's another person who says they did.

In my social circle I there is a mix of every age gap going. I personally haven't seen an obsession with 2 under 2.

Quite a few friends seemed to aim for a 18 month - 2.5 year gap and it was definitely much more of a thing in my parents generation. I assume it was so the kids could play together. As it turned out, quite a few friends ended up with a 3-4 year gap due to taking longer than expected conceiving their 2nd child. Seems to be becoming more common to plan for the 3-4 year gap now though, probably with more women working and childcare funding. I think 3 years probably ideal but I had very difficult pregnancies so have ended up going for 4-5 years so not having to cope with a toddler through pregnancy, has been lovely to be able to enjoy the newborn phase with older one at school too

No idea! My adult children have a 5 year age gap and are the very best of friends.

@claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer

What?

Most people I know with 2 have a gap of 2-3 years. I haven't seen any evidence of obsession with trying to get '2 under 2'. Mine are 2.4 yrs apart and it was hard for the first year but they are super close now at 4 and 6.

Those that do have a very small gap, it seems to be because they struggled to conceive #1 so got cracking early on TTC #2 in case it took ages again (and then obvs it didn't). Or are older parents that don't feel they have time on their side to be going for bigger gaps.

Similar here, but above poster was referring to historic women in eras where hunter-gatherer eating and other factors meant that they often stopped periods for much longer.

I’ve always thought some women in that era must have been unlucky like me though! I’m low BMI, don’t eat much, often inconsistent with intake and got my period back after 6 weeks! However, it was much more common in that time period for women’s bodies to naturally control conception for longer with breastfeeding according to research.

Nevermind, it’s me that’s got people muddled up!

Your first reply was rude!!

The comments re: cheaper (?) childcare, less jealousy, being in 30s so needing to hurry up and have more quickly etc don’t make a lot of sense to me. I had my first at 33 and second at 37 (4.5 year gap) - we specifically waited until our first was in school before having a second so that we didn’t have two full sets of childcare fees at the same time.

Admittedly I was worried about jealousy, what with our eldest having been the centre of attention for so long, but our second has just turned 1 and I can honestly say there hasn’t been a single moment of jealousy - I think because she’s old enough to understand what’s going on, it’s made it easier. I feel like if she had been younger and not been able to understand it properly, it would probably have been harder in that respect.

I agree with you - the only reason I’m still somewhat sane is because my 5yo is out of the house for 7 hours a day 5 days a week. The school holidays are absolute chaos and I cannot imagine how I would have coped having two at home together all the time!

I think it is also worth saying that professionally I see these very short gaps ( typically 15 monthsish) in chaotic and/ or domestically abusive situations. I think for HCPs it can be a bit of a red flag. I want to be clear I am talking about less than 17 or 18 months here not a fraction under 2 years.

Well other peoples choices don’t really need to make sense to you do they?

But surely you can see if someone has their first baby at 37/38 then they might be concerned about waiting until 40 to try again? Or if they had a long time of trying to get their first, they may decide to start earlier for a second but could get pregnant more quickly?

I don’t know anyone who has 2u2 to avoid jealousy - I know friends and I who have had a smaller age gap some of us have had little jealousy, and some with a bigger age gap have had jealousy. It’s individual to the child and your dynamic surely?

In terms of childcare I knew I wanted some time as a SAHM with my eldest, at least 2y. I fell pregnant during that time and so one rolled into the other meaning I didn’t need to send my eldest full time to nursery and by the time I decided she was over 3 and we got the funded hours and then my youngest wasn’t far behind her.

It’s individual choices.

@OrangeSlices998

Same.

I had a full year with both of mine 24/7. (Husbandly was away). Was hard but not many are able to do it.

Can we please remember everybody in the world is different & has different experiences, whilst siblings close in age might sound like they would get on better, why? It all depends on the actual person, not the age! I couldn’t justify having kids so close in age because ‘they might get on better’ I know plenty of siblings close in age (me included, 16 months apart from my sister) who aren’t close, my husbands brother is 8 years older than him and they are extremely close and same with his sister who is 6 years older than him, my friends brother is 18 months younger apart and they’re not close in the slightest, then I have a friend with a sister just under 2 years apart and they are… There is literally no right or wrong.

Sadly, I wasn't able to have kids, but I'm the middle of three.
My sister was 17 months when I was born, and I was 21 months when my brother was born. I think they were mad! But, apparently, my sister and I were fairly easy babies, who slept, ate well, etc. My brother was an entirely kettle of fish. She says if he had been first, there would have been a big age gap - or no more! 😂
To be fair, it switched around when big sis and I hit puberty, and became hellions for 4 or 5 years. 😈

I don't know how anyone can have more than one child, personally. One is more than enough.

Just goes to show how different we all are.

Fair enough. It's a bit of a gamble though isn't it?

Especially when you do have ‘1 more’ and end up with twins.

I know quite a few people that's happened to!

Oh gosh definitely but this is another reason why I’m not delaying having another as I know the chance of them can increase as we get older! My main reason though is that there’s no way I’d get through the feeding and nappies and everything and do it all over again years later. But each to their own! I appreciate this isn’t always possible for many reasons.

I also didn’t meet my husband until later so don’t have the luxury of time unfortunately…

I’m one of them. 😂