What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

DS will be 2 years and 2 week when baby arrives this summer. So I guess I didn't quite get the message 😂

Mainly for us it's because it took 4 years of TTC and 3 MC's to have DS1 safely in my arms so I guess I didn't know how long it would take to have no2. Turns out just 3 months of TTC and 1 MC this time.

I'm 36 I know plenty have kids older than that these days but I don't really want to be much older. My mam needed a hysterectomy around 40 and my aunt is now 39 and very much so in peri for the last year.

I hope it means that when they settle into primary school I can restart my career properly too, so my early 40s. I haven't stopped working but taken a big step back. I do hope they'll be buddies but that can't be guaranteed. I have plenty of anecdotal stories of small and big age gaps having great relationships. E.G. my mam + aunt 20 months difference always competing. The next two aunts have about 20 months between them as well and have been inseparable

I have a 4.5 year gap between my 2 DDs. Eldest is 7 and the youngest 2.5… my eldest is on the whole a dear little soul but the youngest think she’s 7 too- always trying to pick fights with the eldest and is a completely different kettle of fish. The age gap has frazzled me because of the personality of my youngest. If she had been more like her older sister I doubt I’d have been frazzled much at all. I’m a hot mess on a daily basis, sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing to wait, hoping things will improve as youngest gets older - she’s hard work though! So much so she does 3 days a week in nursery 8.30-5pm and has just started pre school on my day off on a morning, which will be upped to two mornings a week come September!!

@saffy2

"Personally I can't think of anything worse" than a 14 year old and a month old.

Only on Mumsnet can you be looked down on for having 2 kids close in age.

Having a big gap seems madness to me. We don't all like the same thing it turns out.
What a shock....
For us infertility made us start trying again early because we knew it could take ages.
You play the cards you are dealt. And tbh I had three 3 and under. And I absolutely love it. No it's not for everyone but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I think years ago it was the norm to have 2 under 2 but now days that is a good spread of those with 2 under 2 and those with bigger age gaps. I wouldn’t say there was an obsession at all. That being said We actually had 3 under 2 when my girls were little (second pregnancy was twins) and I’m not going to lie it was hard work but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We wanted our children close together as that’s what both myself and my husband grew up with (siblings less than a year apart). Also we find it a lot easier planning days out/activities etc when children are a similar age. Also financially it was just taking the hit over a few years period rather than spreading it out. Looking back there is no way I would have wanted a larger gap as at least if you have them close together you are used to the sleepless nights and hard work etc. if we had waited I may never had had another one as as much as I love my girls I’m not sure I could have done it all over again once my eldest was getting older. Mine are 14 and 12 now and still get on extremely well and are like best friends rather than sisters.

And I can understand that. 👍🏼 no offence taken here…you personally can’t think of anything worse…that’s you. The same as I can’t personally think of anything worse than 2 under 2. Not sure why you’re offended by what my opinion and my experiences are (I’m a childminder, I have 2 under 2 and often 3 under 2 a lot, which is why I would never want to have that experience full time day and night…) maybe you shouldn’t be on mumsnet reading a thread about how people want larger age gaps compared to 2 under 2 if you’re going to get annoyed by the responses. The title is literally explanatory of what the responses were going to be…. I’m sorry you don’t like the fact that not everyone wants to have 2 under 2 🤷🏽‍♀️

I also grew up in a 2 year age gap. As the older sibling in that scenario I wouldn’t ever ever want my eldest to feel the way I’ve always felt. I have hated my age gap which my younger sister our entire lives. I get on much better with my youngest sister who is 5 years younger than me, which is the age gap I’ve gone for between my middle and youngest.
and people judge the large age gaps, I think maybe because they haven’t experienced it, maybe if you had you wouldn’t be so quick to not want it. I have experienced 2 under 2, both as a child within it and as a professional. I wouldn’t want to do it as a parent or have my children be in it.
but as I said, I take no offence to people not liking my age gaps. 14 years is weird to people. I get that. It’s not weird to us, it’s perfect.

Although a surprise my 2 under 2 was the best thing that happened to me. So we repeated similar to it and had a third a month after middle turned 2 🤪 3 under 4 was good fun 🤣

I’ve got twins so didn’t have much choice! They did bicker a lot when younger, but are very close as teens and it’s lovely to see. I think closeness of siblings very much depends on the personalities involved and how the parents treat them/favouritism etc.

I have 2 under 2. They’re 20months and 5 months. They were both happy little accidents. I’ve made absolute sure we won’t have another happy little accident. 2 under 2 is not for the weak and i am weak af. Someone send help they gang up on me 😂 I wouldn’t recommend

It compresses your maternity leave into a pretty short time which is advantageous if the mother is keen to progress in her career.

My sister and I 2 yrs apart not much in common. 2 under 2 is huge work. Think I would have liked 5y gap one at home one at school.

I thought the reverse. When i was a kid almost everyone had a sibling 1.5- 2.5 years older/younger, you were basically expected to get on/play together etc. People planned based on mum having to basically stop work for a few years until youngest started school so it made more sense to have kids closer together & reduce total time off.

Now people plan around returning to work after maternity leave and using the 30 free hours, they don't want a second child in nursery before first is getting the funding or in many cases wait so the second only starts nursery when first goes to school.

Mine are 2.5 years apart and that's the biggest age gap I'd want - mine play so well together and really love each other tp bits.

Due to fertility problems, we didn’t have our first until 40 and so if we wanted a second with one of the frosties we just needed to crack on with it. We had the second at 42 so had 2 under 2 for a few months. It has been fine but then working and having them in nursery is much more manageable for everyone’s stress levels than being at home with both of them full time, plus it gives them space from each other.

We had our 2 (girls) close together - one and a half years apart - but it wasn't intentional. We 'tried for' DD1, and I got pregnant very quickly. Then I went back on the pill shortly after with no thoughts about another one (at that point.) Then I was ill a couple of times with the trots, and genuinely didn't think anything of it, and the pill failed.

And so a year and a half after DD1, along came DD2. I think I was 3 months pregnant with DD2 before I knew I was pregnant, because my periods were all over the place anyway. We weren't prepared for 2 under 2, but the Universe had other ideas!

Anyway, so we had 2 under 2. Didn't plan DD2, but she was very much wanted and welcomed - and as loved as DD1, and having 2 close together is the best thing we have ever done! Tbh, it has been fine! They both had their own bedroom, so if one woke the other didn't, and DD1 was sleeping through the night by the time DD2 came along, so we weren't getting up to 2 of them all night IYSWIM.

I don't think it would have been any different if we had had a 5 year gap or more. Did spend more (I think,) as there were not that many 'hand me downs.' And we had to buy 2 of the same thing for Christmases (like they both wanted 2 of every Bratz doll thing, or Barbie thing!) And we had to buy 2 school uniforms, (in fact, 2 of everything at school, as they were both mostly at the same school at the same time!) But you would have to do that anyway for anything less than a 4 year gap I think.

My 2 were actually pretty good kids, well behaved and played together nicely, and rarely gave me and DH a hard time. DH and I loved having 2 little girls SO much. Going on holiday as a family of 4, people always made a fuss of our 2 girls and said how well behaved they were.

Then they hit 13-14, and the shit hit the fan. Teenage years are such a hard time, for the teens AND for the parents. And teenage girls are more difficult to deal with that teenage boys. (I think!) Quite a few teachers told me this.

So yeah, we struggled with them for 3 years or so, as they were rebellious and talked back quite a bit, and argued and fought and fell out with different girls. But by 16-17 they had grown out of it. Now, around a decade later, they are intelligent, independent, feisty, kind, funny, loving young women, who both have successful careers, and have settled down with a partner (and both have their own home.)

I don't know why people do it, it's incredibly hard on your body to have pregnancies that close together. Add to that the financial burden of two in nursery at the same time, a car big enough for two car seats, double pram, two babies waking in the night.... Nope.

My body never suffered from 2 pregnancies 18 months apart. Maybe I was just lucky, or maybe it's because I was under 30. (Women under 30 statistically have smooth pregnancies, and easier births, and less birth injuries, than those over 30...) By the time my two girls were 2 and 3, you would never have known I was a woman who had birthed 2 children. Everything was back to normal and I weighed half a stone less than I did before I got pregnant with DD1.

What they said 👆🏻

Currently have a 17m old and a 3m old - yes, it's relentlessly exhausting.
But ... in a few years it'll be so much easier for me. Same school run, same bathtime/bedtime etc.
My brother and sister have a 4yr gap, and have absolutely nothing in common. I wanted mine close in age.

I much preferred the smaller gap between dd1 and dd2 (19 months) than the 4 and a half years between ds and dd3. It was exhausting for the first couple of years but they've always got on very well and had similar interests.
There were 12 months between me and my brother and I loved us being so close in age.
Dd2 has a 2 year old and I hope she has dc2 in the next year so they have some things in common. Of course different things work for different people.

My eldest two were very jealous of ds when he was born (10/11 years difference) bit adored dd3 when she was born (14/16 year gap).

If only I had of known what I do now, there is no way I would have had them so close, even though it wasn’t actively planned that way. Our second turned out to be twins so we had a 16 month gap and three under 2. It’s been so so difficult and has very nearly broken me. It’s only now that my older DC has hit 2.5 that he’s getting easier and his speech and communication is so much better, things are starting to improve slightly, but now the twins are on the move (13 months). It’s just really intense. But they will all be going to school within one year of each other..every cloud 😂 I think a three year gap would have been perfect, but I’m not a young mum so couldn’t have had too big a gap. It’s also financially crippled us, so I get why people wait

Not everyone sends their kids to nursery, we needed a new car seat for second one when baby was born anyway so they just got passed down to youngest, I got my double secondhand on marketplace and have used it religiously as a double and single!

I was thinking the same.

I wouldn’t want to go through the baby stage again once I got out of it so mine are 17 months apart.

We have 3 years between ours but my eldest has a disability & delayed development, so is much more like a toddler although he is 10. 2nd child was very much wanted but never planned as such because we had so much going on with the first. It was infinitely easier while they were both in the baby & toddler stage to entertain them & for them to find a middle ground. Now my eldest, who is neurotypical is 6, it is sooooo much harder as they have totally different interests and abilities. I can defo see how, despite the initial challenges, having 2 close in age developmentally is easier!