What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

Historically humans exclusively breastfed on demand and baby wore and co slept
due to that the natural gap between pregnancies was 3/4 years essentially the natural weaning point
it's actually pretty modern phenomenon (yes Victorian Britain etc is modern in anthropological terms) to have children so close
that said there is no right or wrong and any age gap is fine if it's what's meant to be for your family

Is this really true though?? I didn't so much plan my second as not worry about preventing, but I was fully breastfeeding when I conceived - and I knew a lot of people who breastfed for ages, matt of them got their period back within a year or two, not 3 or 4

A new born and a 20m old I found a doddle and that's not gloating , i mean compared to being 3 and 5 for example. A park where they both wanted help on 2 separate thing's. One needing the loo and other one not wanting to leave.
2 different personalities enjoying different things, one more wild and daring preferring tree climbing having eyes in the back of my head. one preferring cinema for example whilst the other hated it.
After school activities. Different pre school and infant school. All that stuff that comes with school's ( ours does loads and loads of events )

I fully breastfed all 4 of mine and never skipped a period!

Our age gap will be just over 4 years when our second arrives, I didn't feel mentally, physically or financially ready to have any smaller an age gap.

I don't think there is a perfect age gap, I just think each family has their own take on it and it depends on loads of things like the village around you, whether you work and have to pay for nursery, the temperament of your children and how you feel.

Oh that is unjust!! One of the things I liked about 2 back to back was 4 years no periods!

So there are 17 months between your children, but you think a 13 month gap is awful/no way you'd do it etc?

So a 17 month age gap is OK, but a 13 month one isn't?

It's literally a 4 month difference.

I had 2 under 2. On purpose. Yes, it's intense (especially when throwing covid and PhD into the mix) but has been wonderful. Really tough in the early days but now they're such lovely little friends. We wanted the baby stage our the way asap, I wanted to focus on my career uninterrupted again, and I loved the idea of them being in consecutive school years. Each to their own - we're all different.

I’ve not seen the threads myself, just wanted to reply about it being intense, omg yes it is, mine weren’t all under 2, however when my twins were 2 years and 3 months my 2nd set of twins were born. The older twins loved and adored their little sisters, but at the same time I do remember it being so intense for around 5 years, having 4 so close in age was honestly so hard at times, trying to change bums and feed babies while the older twins were bouncing off of each other and at times being a little bit feral. Now that they are 9 and 7 it’s easier, but they do love to love each other intensely one min and then the next it’s like they hate each other

Personally I only have 1 child but always wanted to wait for a 3 or more year age gap (which is now irrelevant as a single parent😂) because I felt like it would be easier to get things like toilet training out of the way, and I’d imagine having a baby with a child in school can take some stress off too. But mostly for me I felt that I wanted to be there as much as my DD needed me and didn’t feel that would happen if I’d have to then divert time & attention away from her. Kids need you so much when they’re small and I feel for those who lose out on that
(not saying that happens for all children with siblings, but for me I didn’t think I could stretch that much between 2 or 3 and still do as good a job)

Def very full on unless you have great help. But we all different. 2 creche fees is tough going too

14 months between mine. First alcohol after stopping breastfeeding did the job. You could have knocked me down with a feather. I was very careful after 2nd was born.

…..No?

I responded to pp agreeing with her that she couldn’t think of anything worse than having a 14 year old and a month old. 🤔

The way we breastfeed now compared to say a remote tribe or nomadic lifestyle is worlds apart
for breastfeeding to be an effective contraceptive it essentially needs to be more consistent (read constant this is not meant to be any sort of dig at breastfeeding in the modern age or indeed advocating for it as a contraceptive ) than we do now - no dummies, no supplemental feeds, no pumping and feeding, feeding for comfort and food, etc etc that combined with a far less nutrient dense diet and a far more calorific lifestyle in general meaning nursing mothers bodies would not have started ovulation Until natural weaning because their bodies would have still been loosing fat stores to feed their existing child.
we wean (as in supplement with food) at 6months in say cave men era this would have been closer to 2 or even 3
it's weird but true
you couldn't recreate it now I don't think unless you literally lived like a cave man or hunter gatherer

Yes I agree is fairly intense and have personally much preferred to go for 4-5 year age gaps. However did have 2 of mine in under 2 years and there were positives, they were at similar stages which meant outings etc much easier, could play on the same level, plus they’ve always been very close, even now as adults. I was much younger when I had them and a lot more energy but now don’t think could manage 2 under 4s!

Funny, almost everyone I know had a three year gap or more. Thus planned for when you could get free childcare and not have to pay two sets at once. But also, I read the research and it told me three years was better for the child. It was certainly better for me to have that gap. Each to their own though!

We had 2 under 2 due to our ages.

I won't lie - it's been knackering and still can be some days. They are currently 3 and 4. Not sure I'd recommend it tbh although I'm glad to have got the pregnancies over and done with as I didn't enjoy being pregnant (sickness etc).

I know loads of mums that had their first late 30s and left a gap of at least 3 years before the next. I deliberately banked embryos with the hope of a reasonable gap. I also know women fitter than I was in my 20s who had children at 39-42, and I know that fertility isn't necessarily genetic, so I also didn't change my plans due to that and went for my own fertility testing.

After experiencing a close age gap my entire life I decided I'd never deliberately do that to my own children. The idea that they'll be close and developmentally the same when they're at least 10 months apart is about as realistic as my parents' ideas that we were very close and great friends growing up (factually incorrect). I also love being a mum and love the baby stage and wanted to give my children full attention and appreciate as much as I could. My first didn't come easily and I was so fulfilled that I didn't even consider needing/wanting another child in the early years. The idea of "getting it over with" would be a horrible way to plan a pregnancy for me and mental and physical health was a priority. I was more hopeful for lifelong friendships and support between siblings and I've always had friends across a range of ages so a close age gap wasn't important there either.

I think having a small age gap between two is nice for the children as they will be able to play together much sooner and may get on better as a result. But personally I think if I had had two under 2 it would have pushed me over the edge mentally. I waited till 3 years when happy the send older child to pre school 5 mornings a week, this meant me and baby have some alone time in the morning, then together time in the afternoon, and even half 12 till half 5 when my husband finishes work fries my brain with the two of them. My 3yo is so full on with questions etc and watch me for those hours, but he is very loving to his sister but also wishes she was a bit bigger so he could play with her (currently 4months) but she will be soon enough then I am sure he will hate her playing with his toys lol.

Age gaps are completely dependent on people's circumstances and age I think. Like some others have said waiting may mean issues conceiving if a bit older and also may be better for childcare if your on maternity with second to care for older child, but if in UK this will be less of an issue come September 2025 with the new funded hours.

My age gap is 14 years is what she’s saying she wouldn’t want.

Apart from in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up, I know of only one family with siblings that close in age.

Mine are 4 years apart and it's good. No rivalry, they do their own thing or do stuff together.

13 months between me and my sister...it was intense!

@saffy2 I don't care either way really. I was just quoting what you said in the reverse.

Saffy has a 14 year gap. Southlondonmum has a 17 month gap and would not like a 14 YEAR gap. You’ve misinterpreted her post as saying she has a 17 month gap and would not like 14 MONTH gap and been unnecessarily snarky to both of them.

Mine have nearly a 4y gap it was much easier. But my mam coped with us 3 and small gaps. Guess it depends what help you have my friend had a years gap but the granny helped out.

Lol a friend of mine ended up with 3 under 1. Twins born when eldest was 10.5 months All girls. None particularly close to each other in adulthood