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Original poster

What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

318 replies

2under2blah · 03/05/2024 06:15

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 28/05/2024 18:54

Cherie7 · 28/05/2024 17:46

Oh gosh definitely but this is another reason why I’m not delaying having another as I know the chance of them can increase as we get older! My main reason though is that there’s no way I’d get through the feeding and nappies and everything and do it all over again years later. But each to their own! I appreciate this isn’t always possible for many reasons.

Show quote history

To be fair, this is why we just went for it again too. I knew I wanted a second but I knew if I left it until DS was out of the baby stage that I just wouldn’t want to go through it again.

I just didn’t expect 3 under 2. 😂

RaraRachael · 28/05/2024 19:34

My XMiL was obsessed that you should have 2 years between your children "So they both grow up together". I had 3 and a half years between mine and as soon as the first one was over one, she was pestering me saying it was time we had another and not to leave it too late. I could never have coped with 2 under 2 and think my age gap was perfect.

MommaSmith · 23/04/2025 15:15

budgiegirl · 03/05/2024 10:04

I had my first two with a 16 month gap. It took a long time to get pregnant with my first, so I assumed it would take a long time with the second - it didn't!

But it was lovely. It was hard work, but two kids of any age is hard work. But there was no jealousy, they played together really well, they were close, they were at similar stages for activities (softplay, parks etc). I don't remember being particularly frazzled - at least no more than my friends with one, or two with a bigger age gap.

It did help that I worked from home, around the kids, so no childcare. They were good sleepers from quite early on. And I had a very supportive husband, although he did work long hours he would still get up in the night, do the last feed etc, which helped massively. I was also lucky to have a very hands on MIL who would help at the drop of a hat.

I then had a third when my eldest was four, but there was still no jealousy. It did seem like a bigger jump from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2, not sure if it was because of the age gap - they now had different interests, timetable etc.

How did you find having the two under two? I’m currently in that position with a 16 month gap in my eldest is just about to turntwo.

Like you, it took ages to conceive the first it was a big surprise considering I was also on contraception

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 23/04/2025 17:32

I had my second child 15 months after my first and then my third child 14 months after my second.
It was fine, I just baby-proofed things more than you would for just the one.

Mary46 · 23/04/2025 17:36

2 under two is very hard. I like the idea of one at school then another. I found creche pricey for two though. I had 4yr gap. Its whatever suits. My sister and I havent much in common my mam had us all close

Calliopespa · 23/04/2025 18:35

ziipidydodah · 03/05/2024 06:19

I think it is primarily logistical and financial for childcare. It’s cheaper ver the long term to take a short term hit for maternity and childcare costs than to string it out.

Also people can’t afford to start having kids until their 30s so don’t have enough time to have a 5 year age gap.

I agree with this. The concept isn’t so popular in countries with better support for young parents.

I think three to four years seems the magic gap.

They are close enough that they are broadly at the same stage ( ie; not a teen and a toddler) but not so close that they tend to fight because they have just enough space that they don’t both want the Happyland rocket at the same stage . People say it’s nice to have a playmate close in age but IME it’s more often a fightmate. Works better when the older one knows to be a bit patient/ enjoys showing how. Too close and sometimes the younger one runs faster/ reads better etc! I just think every child deserves to be the baby till they’re … not. Which to me is more like three than two.

Calliopespa · 23/04/2025 18:36

RaraRachael · 28/05/2024 19:34

My XMiL was obsessed that you should have 2 years between your children "So they both grow up together". I had 3 and a half years between mine and as soon as the first one was over one, she was pestering me saying it was time we had another and not to leave it too late. I could never have coped with 2 under 2 and think my age gap was perfect.

I think 3.5 is spot on. They still have fun together; they just don’t clash as much.

surreygirl1987 · 23/04/2025 19:35

2under2blah · 03/05/2024 06:15

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

I loved having 2 under 2. They're one school year apart now, so can do lots of after school clubs together, as well as the nativity etc, and they're best of friends.

I was also one of 2 under 2 as a child and am extremely close with my brother.

It's not an obsession though 😂 Just... Nice. I like it. Some people do, some people don't. Just like 2 children felt right to me (not 3, not 1). It wouldn't suit everyone!

MsCactus · 23/04/2025 19:52

Yeah, I also read that in nature/hunter gatherer societies humans tended to have an even longer gap - average of about 5 years in between kids. But they also started having kids young!

Manthide · 23/04/2025 20:02

Calliopespa · 23/04/2025 18:35

I agree with this. The concept isn’t so popular in countries with better support for young parents.

I think three to four years seems the magic gap.

They are close enough that they are broadly at the same stage ( ie; not a teen and a toddler) but not so close that they tend to fight because they have just enough space that they don’t both want the Happyland rocket at the same stage . People say it’s nice to have a playmate close in age but IME it’s more often a fightmate. Works better when the older one knows to be a bit patient/ enjoys showing how. Too close and sometimes the younger one runs faster/ reads better etc! I just think every child deserves to be the baby till they’re … not. Which to me is more like three than two.

Show quote history

That reminds me of dd1 and dd2 - 19 months apart, one school year. Their school had 1 and a half classes per year and though dd2 was summer born and was put in the younger class she was rapidly placed in the top sets for English and maths with dd1. She was tiny but was always top of the class! Dd1 was not happy.

Manthide · 23/04/2025 20:05

surreygirl1987 · 23/04/2025 19:35

I loved having 2 under 2. They're one school year apart now, so can do lots of after school clubs together, as well as the nativity etc, and they're best of friends.

I was also one of 2 under 2 as a child and am extremely close with my brother.

It's not an obsession though 😂 Just... Nice. I like it. Some people do, some people don't. Just like 2 children felt right to me (not 3, not 1). It wouldn't suit everyone!

Show quote history

I loved being close in age with db- 12 months - and dm was very happy she had one of each. Unfortunately db died last year and it still devastates me. We did everything together as children and though our lives took different paths we were very close. He was younger than me.

ForOliveMember · 23/04/2025 20:08

I have a 15 month old and I can't imagine being pregnant again so soon. Plus I think it's unfair on the child you do have to have another one so soon when they are just a baby and need your full attention. If we have another one it will be when he is 3+ and started nursery or school.

Pootletoot · 23/04/2025 20:40

Appreciate this is an old thread but… Surely the strong opinions on basically every age gap just show that everyone and every family set up is different?

I have just under two years between each of my three children. Not exactly strategic, but was lucky to fall pregnant pretty quickly after stopping BF both times. It’s the ideal age gap for us, but it’s also obviously all we know. I’m sure a smaller or bigger gap would have worked out fine too if that’s what we’d ended up with! It’s not possible to really know what the alternative is like and I’m sure all age gaps have pros and cons.

FWIW, I can’t really see why a 2yo and a newborn might be any more challenging than a 3yo and a newborn!

Olinguita · 23/04/2025 22:28

@Pootletoot if you had a two year old that was an extreme non-sleeper (and sleep training didn't work on them) but then it had settled down by their third birthday and you were then getting at least some nights of unbroken sleep, then yes a two year old and a newborn would be a LOT harder versus a three year old and a newborn! I mean, if you are ok to just power on through pregnancy and birth having not slept for more than a few hours a night in two years then kudos to you, you are a better person than me... All you Mumsnet superwomen having babies in quick succession. I am an inferior human.

Pootletoot · 23/04/2025 22:37

Olinguita · 23/04/2025 22:28

@Pootletoot if you had a two year old that was an extreme non-sleeper (and sleep training didn't work on them) but then it had settled down by their third birthday and you were then getting at least some nights of unbroken sleep, then yes a two year old and a newborn would be a LOT harder versus a three year old and a newborn! I mean, if you are ok to just power on through pregnancy and birth having not slept for more than a few hours a night in two years then kudos to you, you are a better person than me... All you Mumsnet superwomen having babies in quick succession. I am an inferior human.

Edited

Ahhh, my almost four year old has never once slept through the night so I feel your pain! It looks like he’d be an only if we’d have waited for his sleep to improve before having another child. 😂 In a way, it’s made babies 2 and 3 much easier as I’m not used to loads of undisturbed sleep.

I should add that I think I do a lot better than most people on limited sleep though, which must help a lot!

Cctviswatchingme001 · 23/04/2025 22:41

I had two under two and three under four. Worked out great as they were all into the same things. Sister had a five-year age gap and it was like starting all over. They had nothing in common and still don't. Like two only children really.

Olinguita · 23/04/2025 23:03

Pootletoot · 23/04/2025 22:37

Ahhh, my almost four year old has never once slept through the night so I feel your pain! It looks like he’d be an only if we’d have waited for his sleep to improve before having another child. 😂 In a way, it’s made babies 2 and 3 much easier as I’m not used to loads of undisturbed sleep.

I should add that I think I do a lot better than most people on limited sleep though, which must help a lot!

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I thought I did well on limited sleep but clearly not well enough! i read posts like yours and I think it I were just a better human and better mum I would have powered through and got pregnant again on a normal/decent timeline. My poor son, he really drew the short straw with the shite mum 😬

Cherie7 · 23/04/2025 23:15

Olinguita · 23/04/2025 23:03

I thought I did well on limited sleep but clearly not well enough! i read posts like yours and I think it I were just a better human and better mum I would have powered through and got pregnant again on a normal/decent timeline. My poor son, he really drew the short straw with the shite mum 😬

Edited
Show quote history

I simply had two under two because I was conscious of my biological clock ticking having focused on my career until into my thirties. But I also liked the idea of having two close together. I know if I’d got one out of nappies I personally wouldn’t have wanted to go through the baby stage again years later. Each to their own. Some are horrified at the thought of having two doing ‘baby’ things (like both wearing nappies).

I have a couple of friends who had two year olds who slept well while in cots then it all went to pot when they were in beds - then the cosleeping started as they wouldn’t stay in their beds and bedtime became a battle.

I also know a few people who struggled conceiving their first so didn’t waste any time with trying for the second, expecting a similar timescale - but then have conceived very quickly second time.

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