What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

Do you have a link to these? Anecdotally amongst my friends this is definitely not the case. Older children have had longer to get used to having focussed attention and feel it more acutely when it’s removed. It makes sense to me that way.

Purely from personal experience but small gaps were far more common when I was a child. My parents had four under five at one point. I was DC5 born six years later meaning I was never at school with my older brothers and sisters. The larger gap is still noticeable.

Many school friends had several siblings in the same school, some even had a brother or sister in the same year but weren't twins (there's an awful Irish term for this).

I have 3 DC, full siblings. There is a 10 year gap (secondary infertility) between 1&2 and a two year gap between 2&3. The sibling rivalry has been a shock between DC2&3, non-existent between them and their older DB. It never crossed my mind this would even be a thing.

Some of these comments are so fucking judgy.

I have 3 under 5 - yes I planned it that way. I absolutely love the chaos, I love how much they love each other and get on. I’m not “frazzled” - I enjoy looking after my children and wanted to have them close together for all sorts of reasons!

I have 3 under 5, 4 yo, 2 yo and newborn. I'm not frazzled at all, I absolutely love having 3 young ones close in age. Everyone's different

Like PP, I’m the eldest of 5 with gaps from 5 yrs to 14yrs, and the middle ones were very close in age. My relationships with them all are based on personality, not age gap.

I knew I wanted lots of children too and suffered 3 losses before the eldest was born. I had my first at 30 and have planned a 2 yr gap between each child, DC3 will be born in Oct. If we stop at 4 DC I’ll be just under 37 when the last one is born and it wouldn’t rule out the potential for a 5th.

My reasons are: partly not to drag out the baby yrs, partly because future fertility is not guaranteed, partly because at 2 they become a lot more independent so it seems the perfect time.

So far mine have all been ‘easy’ babies: great sleepers, great eaters, play independently, love each other etc. I’m a permanent SAHM so childcare and career isn’t relevant. I have a lot of family help and my DH is at home too and very hands on. So far not frazzled at all, but ask me again after DC3 has arrived! 😂

I had a 21mth gap with my two DS’, honestly the best decision we made. Of course it’s hard work, but in other ways much easier, like the same sort of toys, games, tv etc. the seemingly endless school runs are over with rather than years spread out, you don’t forget the stages, both more expensive with two in nappies etc. My two are adults now 22 & 21 and they get on so well, best friends as well as brothers.

I guess it's about having older children at a similar stage eg similar bedtimes, routines, activities, days out etc.

I have a 9 year age gap between my 2 and those are definitely things that make my life harder although I can still see that situation for 4+ year age gaps.

There is approx 2 years between my sibling and I and do remember quite a bit of time spent doing the same thing but with me needing to look after them/worry about them. I think if I was that bit older, we wouldn't have been doing the same things so I wouldn't have had that. It must have been easier for my parents though.

I know a couple of one year age gaps and both sets very definitely DO NOT get on!

It's easier career wise because you only have a few years out. You can spend days with elder child before they go to school during your maternity leave. Closer in age so play together.

I only have one, but it makes sense to me.

I think two under two is normal. Completely standard.

I had my first two with a 16 month gap. It took a long time to get pregnant with my first, so I assumed it would take a long time with the second - it didn't!

But it was lovely. It was hard work, but two kids of any age is hard work. But there was no jealousy, they played together really well, they were close, they were at similar stages for activities (softplay, parks etc). I don't remember being particularly frazzled - at least no more than my friends with one, or two with a bigger age gap.

It did help that I worked from home, around the kids, so no childcare. They were good sleepers from quite early on. And I had a very supportive husband, although he did work long hours he would still get up in the night, do the last feed etc, which helped massively. I was also lucky to have a very hands on MIL who would help at the drop of a hat.

I then had a third when my eldest was four, but there was still no jealousy. It did seem like a bigger jump from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2, not sure if it was because of the age gap - they now had different interests, timetable etc.

Didn't this used to be normal?

dependshow far back you go. Surely ... 90's/early 2000's I feel like was the peak of age gaps as women were no longer 'pushing them out' full time (working ?) but also could probably afford to go back & have another after already taking mat leave/paying childcare ect.

In my circle it is mainly because people started having kids in their mid-30's. Another reason is money. Closer in age often means less loss of income and effect on long term financial/career ramifications. Alternative is to have a bigger age gap but then you have to start younger 😁 (I'm 16 years apart with my siblings)

I think I'd have hated any age gap to be honest. I can't imagine any of it being easy.

All the people I know with two under 2 either:

met their partner older so don’t have the luxury of time (like me)

took ages conceiving their first so thought they’d be in for a similar ride with baby 2 (one couple had the opposite and conceived first cycle! Typical eh?)

nursery fees in inner London played a part for one couple we know. A second maternity when the eldest was still young meant they missed out on a chunk of nursery fees.

Each to their own I say.

@Cherie7 See non of those applied to me. I thought it was pretty normal.

Also, another perspective is that it might seem a bad idea to some people to get through the nappies and potty training to then do it all over again with another baby. Some would rather an intense few years then be done with it all. I think I agree with that tbh.

When did you have you children if you don’t mind me asking? I feel like my friends and their siblings (born in the 80s) are close in age, as with my mother’s generation (born in the sixties). But then a 3 year age gap was a thing for a while and the tide is turning again the last few years.

2010 and 2012. I was 26 and 28.

I have 7 year age gap between my 2. One of each and they aren’t very close really. I put it down to the age gap and the difference in gender. All they do is bark at each other

None of that applied to me either. We just thought it was normal to have our second baby within 2 years of our first. There's 20 months between them and it's been great!

2003 & 2005 i was 16 for the first and 18 for my second,
They're now 21 and 19 years old im 38 this year.
Work out very well for me.

Babies are so much faff, the feeding, the nappies, the car seat, the naps - if we had left all that behind I would not have wanted to go all the way back to the beginning. We have a 2 year gap but if I had my time again I would go even smaller.

I always assume people with bigger age gaps just like babies more than I do!

I think it sounds incredibly intense (and friends who’ve had hard that gap have found it hard). But long run (by the time the youngest is three), i think it switches to being easier than having a wide gap where they have different interests and needs. I have a 3.5 gap and even that’s quite tricky now. Never a right answer though and it completely depends on the family.

Plenty of multiple Moms around, our kids definitely count as 2 / 3 children

I just missed 2 under 2 - there's 2 years and 1 month between mine. (2nd one happened straight away, we were trying so always knew it could happen but didn't quite expect it so fast!)

It's been a rough 2 years but I wouldn't have done it differently. I really really struggle with the toddler years (age 1 to 2 is the worse for me! I adore the newborn stage) so I just wanted that part done /out the way quicker if I'm being completely honest. I always wanted 2 but putting it off would have been just that - putting it off. Now we're coming out the other side and really really enjoying our two little people and they have similar interests so it was definitley worth it for me 😀just hard 😂