What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

I had two under two - it broke me in some ways, but it was better in others. I had one young one on her own and yea gods was it relentless in a way it never was when I had the two at the one time!

Childcare cost wasn't a consideration for me - it was more than my wage to have them both in all day nursery so fortunately my husband earned enough.
Two things: I got married at 40 so did not have the luxury of time;
And I have a sister two years older and one three years younger and that three year gap was much more noticeable. Two years and under and they are closer developmentally, in to the same sort of things (soft play etc). A bigger gap and harder to entertain them both together.

It’s just attention seeking bollocks.

Seems like madness to me. We were originally planning a 4 year age gap but DD will arrive when DS is 3 years 2 months old. He will have his 30 hours funding for nursery meaning he can still go whilst I’m on maternity leave, and will start school when DD starts at nursery, so financially it works well for me. I was 29 when I had DS and will be 32 when I have DD, and no issues with conceiving, so we did have time on our side when making our decision.

I truly hated the first 9 months of my first DD life. She NEVER slept. I said to my DH, I either get pregnant now and get this all out of the way, or I will never have a second. I was pregnant shortly after.

We wanted a 2.5 year gap but took us over a year to conceive our first. Thought it might be similar with the second and was still breastfeeding. One fucking shag later I was pregnant.
Now I love it as they are so close, share friends (DS1 went to a concert last night with DS2s schoolmate). We ended up having another one with a 3 year gap and it was a bit easier but a bit harder in finding them at different stages. There was a bit of jealousy and some hard times with fighting.
Now though they are all best friends and me and DH are mainly ignored 😁

My kids age gap is 3 years which seems to be a very common age gap with my friends and with their school mates. Worked well for us. I always wanted a really close gap because I have a big gap between me and my siblings and I hated it and always wished I had someone to play with. We couldn’t afford 2 in nursery at the same time though and to be honest I wasn’t able to even consider ttc again until ds was 18 months. Dh wasn’t ready to consider it until ds was 2. It worked out that ours have a 4 school year gap due to the eldest being august and the youngest being September so now I have a year 8 and a year 4. I would say there is no jealousy at all but possibly because they have very different interests. They don’t play together all the time but I know that even if they were twins they wouldn’t either- their personalities are so different with one who used to want to always play imaginary dress up play and one just wanting to play football. They do now play games on the Xbox together a lot which is lovely and most of the time get on well and laugh together- although they do of course have the odd fall out.

theres a lady who lives by me who has a 3 year old who is a pre school, a 2 year old and a baby. Just the walk to pre school with all of them looks exhausting.

Not sure how it’s attention seeking and never knew I being judged for it!

I have a 22 MO gap and it’s great, hard work at times but then I think any gap would be imo! There’s 5 years between me and my sibling and DH has a range but I wanted to have two close together, nursery is financially doable for two so that wasn’t a consideration just wanted them close to get it over and done with so to speak and then be able to have the holidays we like to when they get to school age and can tolerate sight seeing more. Potty training has been ok and within two weeks was done, sleep is ok as the eldest is a good sleeper.

it’s perfect for us and I hate how judgy everyone is, it’s not attention seeking, it’s doing what’s right for your family whether that’s a small or larger age gap whether planned or not!

Really? Maybe it's confirmation bias but I had two 18 months apart, and all I heard was people telling me I was crazy for having 2 under 2 - not that it was the ideal!

Fwiw I have found it a lovely age gap, don't think I have been especially frazzled (well any more than any other parent of young children). But of course it is my only experience, maybe a 2 or 4 or 6 year gap would have been great it it's own way also

Really? I've never met someone with two under two thinking they're doing this for attention. Surely there are easier ways to get attention.

Though I do think sometimes there's an attitude of invincibility amongst some - thinking I can do this even though everyone says its tough.

I had 3 under 5, all older teens now & still close. Meant the frazzled yrs were over quicker, ready playmates on hand so lots of fun at home. Toilet training 1st was easy actually as still on mat leave & 6mth old was okay to be put down for spells while I focused on that, younger 2 were a breeze cos they wanted to copy everything the older one did! Tbh even night time routine was OK, DD had lovely bedtime stories read to her by her big brothers as they practiced their reading skills & snuggled up to their favourite girl.
I took a couple of yrs as sahm due to childcare costs (before any funded hours, count yourselves lucky ladies who know get 30hrs!) & due to our specific family circumstances at that time. But I was back working relatively quickly so lack of career progression was reduced. Don't think we could have managed with a longer fap between children, I certainly couldn't have gone back to sleepless nights if we'd waited longer.
Used to be common for smaller gaps so seems to be coming back

I could have written that whole post lol.

I'm from a big family and have different relationships with all my siblings which has changed over time. I spent hardly any time as a child with one of my siblings (went to college when they were 4) but we are very close now.

It really depends, there is 17 months between my 2 and although it was challenging at times, it really wasn't the chaotic mess people are making it out to be. I think what helped was having a husband who isn't a big man baby expecting me to just do everything. It's all hands on deck in this house, no one sits down until we can both sit down lol.

Not having 2 under 2, the endless hand wringing posting about what age gap is “best”. Bollocks.

I saw another post like this on another site recently. There is no such thing as the perfect scientific age gap because humans are all different, different personalities, different circumstances. Even parents change over time! It is so judgemental, and it reeks of people wanting to validate their own decisions by putting others down or 'it is wrong'. Sometimes in life there is no one right wat and that is cool.

I had a three minute gap between mine 🤣. Just under two and running rings round me.

I specifically waited until my first was eligible for the funded preschool hours to make it easier (financially and mentally) I can't imagine many people can afford nursery fees for two at once

I also know someone whose second turned out to be twins so they had 3 under two 😬so that was something that made me think carefully too 😅

There isn't an obsession with it. There never has been and there isn't now.

4 year age gap between my two children - by choice. We wanted to spread childcare costs when they were young and be able to put each through university when they are teenagers without stress on our finances. They get along well and I have no regrets. I dread to think about how my friends will afford to put their two children through university at the same time, as it will be such a financial burden.

I wouldnt consider a gap under 3 years.

I had 20 months gap and would do it again. I love that they are similar stages and enjoyed the same sort of things (and still do). Getting up in the night/early with them took fewer years and I loved having both home when I had over a year off work with my second.

The youngest especially gets on well with the eldest's friends and they have a ball. There obviously are arguments too but they soon blow over.

Lots of people on mumsnet have their first baby later in life so maybe they are worried about time running out.

I have a small age gap because that is what I was given. DC1 took years to conceive with fertility investigations and miscarriages along the way. We feared we would have similar issues and struggle conceiving another so did not use contraception. DC2 was conceived pretty much first cycle after my periods returned. Nothing to do with only way to do it or any obsessions

There are positives and negatives to all age gaps, I choose to enjoy that they are just one school year apart, have similar interests, can do many activities together and are growing up together. Positive for me was the career hit was taken at once, the developmental stages were done together (I never got used to sleep to lose it a second time!). There are of course negatives too (I am only just getting my strength back as my youngest turns 6) but I was given what I have and am just insanely grateful I got two healthy children.

I couldn't give a damn what those judging have to say - they need to walk a mile in the shoes of those that have had other experiences before opening their mouths. Everyone does what is right for their circumstances

I came off contraception 15 months after birth because I wanted a minimum of 2 years age gap, but was expecting it to take me ages to conceive like my first. Inevitably I got pg immediately have an age gap of almost exactly 2 years, matching the age gap with my own brother.

Combining bf and toilet training is tough, no doubt about it, but there are real logistical advantages to a smaller age gap in later years. You maximise the time they spend at the same primary / secondary school, they can listen to the same bedtime stories, enjoy the same activities and holiday clubs.

We have a 6 year gap and it is great to have the older one being a bit more independent. They are really close. It is wonderful to watch their bond.

For us we needed to space them out so there wouldn't be as much childcare cost and DD1 was at pre-school/about to go to school by the time I had DD2. Plus I just wanted a bit of a break for my body to recover from the first pregnancy. And there was no rush, it seemed, anyway, as I was 29 when I had DD1. Then not long after I had DD2 at age 33 I developed endometriosis so I was glad we hadn't left it much later.