What is the obsession with 2 under 2?

[2under2blah]

I see so many threads where people are worried that they're going to have a 3/4/5 year age gap between their children.

Didn't this used to be normal?

Why is 2 under 2 seen as the only way to do it?

Looks absolutely intense to me!

I have an 18-month gap (1 school year) between mine. Prior to reading this thread I had no idea I was being judged for it!

Main reason: we had a 6-year age gap between my stepson/DH's eldest and our first and decided to keep the overall gap between oldest and youngest to a minimum.

Other reasons: our age/not knowing how long it might take to conceive, and childcare (small gap = nanny a viable option for us)

They are currently 14 and 15 years old and have always been very close. Tbh I think this is more down to their personalities and luck than the age gap. They are both close to 21 year old DSS.

It was definitely very busy for the first 2.5 years, but doable (and much easier than the twins my friend had!). I found the hardest part was being pregnant whilst also having a toddler. Toddler plus newborn was surprisingly easily. On the negative side I think the youngest relied too heavily on her older brother socially. She chose a different secondary school to him and, although she says she wishes he was at her school, I think she has benefited from not being X's sister.

Like anything in life there will be positives and negatives to any age gap. This one has worked really well for our family.

I have 22 months. We were aiming for 2 years, DC2 came a lot quicker than DC1. It was great for us. 8 and 6 now and they're really close, play well together etc.

I don't understand the threads panicking about having 2 under 2 or the ones worrying 3-4 years is too big. They're all fine. Just different. No point worrying about it either way.

I think all gaps have advantages and disadvantages. A smaller gap is probably better with teenagers or older kids who have interests in common. A larger gap is probably initially easier on the parents! Though then again a lot of babies are easier to entertain when they have an older child to watch and be amused by!

My Under 2 logic was that I returned to work after my first and my head really wasn’t in it so I literally thought let’s do it now and get it out the way. I also thought that if I got out of baby mode I wouldn’t want to go back to it . Probably true. A few years in and I think we’re reaping benefits with activities etc being similar and appropriate x

Aiming for a 4/5 year age gap here. Had DS at 29 to give reasonable possibility of that gap. I don’t want a second child so my DS will have a close sibling (obviously that would be lovely if it happens, I’m very close to my sister), but because I want a second little person to nurture and love. I think DH and I can do that best with a bigger gap where my DS is better able to comprehend that a baby needs xyz, and when he has a better self-concept of being loved and important and interesting to us. Plus, second child will have lots of beneficial one-to-one time with me whilst DS is at school. That said, that’s just my view! There are benefits to any age gap, and benefits to being one and done too, everyone has their reasons and it’s not always in our control.

Less than 2 years is associated with physical and mental health risks for the mother and child. Optimal age gap is described as 2-3 years by WHO

You can only plan so much. A friend of mine had planned two, two years apart.

In reality she had three within 20 minutes.

We have a 5 year gap between the boys and I think it's been perfect for us. Zero sibling rivalry, lots of individual parental attention and the boys get on really well with each other. They've always played well together and kept each other entertained. It has gotten even better over the years as now the boys' abilities are getting more evenly matched and they can do proper sports together.

Growing up in the 70s I knew very few families with children in subsequently years in school. The standard age gap was circa two years. My bro was born in the mid 50s, my self in the 60s. We always got on. I did think the age gap helped and DH got on less well with his numerous siblings all very close in age. Fast forward to the present, nephew had 2 under 2. At 5 and 6 they are charming and get on and are also very much their own personalities. Maybe it’s more about individuals than anything else.

@Neurodiversitydoctor that makes sense and I knew I'd read that kind of study somewhere but didn't realise it was the Who!

I guess 2 under 2 s more common in areas with lack of contraception or education around breast milk not being a fail safe....

So interesting to hear other people's experiences of this. Around here, it's almost the opposite. I think the combination of having two very small children and the financial burden of them in childcare together puts people off.
We decided 2.5-3.5 would be our ideal before trying for our second child. We ended up with a little less than 3 years and it has worked well (so far!)

Two under 2 would have financially broken us. I’m self employed and when eldest was born the only childcare help was 15h after he turned 3. It just wasn’t an option at all.

I had 6 children 18 months between each of the first four , 3 years before number 5 then 10 months before the 6th arrived. I never wanted a big age gap between my children and found the 3 year gap the worst. We were out of babies , my daughter had started nursery we were finished with nappies. Then bang back to all the baby stuff again.

@Needanewjobsoon

i guess 2 under 2 s more common in areas with lack of contraception or education around breast milk not being a fail safe

This is really rude

@MJCadman it truly wasn't meant to be rude. I was thinking on a global scale as it was a WHO (world health) recommendation that there are many areas where contraception either isn't affordable/available or the knowledge isn't there.

Also a lack of awareness of toll on the mothers body/kids health that neuro diversity doctor mentioned.

Apologies if it came off rude.

There's going to be a 5 year age gap between my two and I worry about it because, like you said OP, it doesn't seem to be the norm anymore.

I think when they are kids things might be tough and they'll have little in common and we'll have to make sure family days out etc are suitable for both. However as adults I don't think age gap matters at all. There's 4 years between my brother and I and we get along really great. Now that we're 34 and 38 age doesn't feel relevant at all.

I've never liked the sound of two under two as it sounded awful having two in nappies etc. We have a larger gap because we couldn't afford to have a second before now.

WHO being World Health Organisation. Obviously if women don't have access to contraceptive then people have more babies and more often...

The breast milk thing was a big thing 15 years ago even amongst educated parents in England too - I remember nct and NHS classes both mentioning it and health visitors as I think it was often seen as a natural contraceptive. For some it does stop periods for a while but you don't know when that will end.. (and perhaps explains some of the 18month-2year gaps?)

I meant the contraceptives bit. If that wast the case my kids would be closer in age. I got pregnant within 1-3 months. If I had a 3rd it could take a year. You just don't know.

Yeah it’s BRUTAL… I think it’s taken me 10 years to recover! I did have one autistic child of the pair (unbeknownst to me at the time) which definitely made it harder.

That would have been hell for me and I had 2 very easy babies and toddlers.

I have 4.5yrs between mine and it was perfect, lots of time with the youngest 1on1.

I think its outdated. It made sense when women had to give up with young kids so they were getting it out of the way, two at once.

Also there weren't as many groups etc and parents didn't play with kids as much so it was how you got a playmate for your kid.

These days as nurseries are more prevelant but also more expensive and being raised as an only child for a bit isn't seen as spoilt, I see more 3-4 year age gaps.

We have a 5 year age gap - its wonderful.

its actually proven a bigger age gap is better, I think it’s approx 3 years?

Where did you read this.

Its not necessarily a lack of knowledge thing. I've seen more well educated and well off people do it. If you have your first in your late 30s and want two or three you need a small age gap.