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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher bought an ex students only fans?

366 replies

ShyPearlMoose · 02/05/2024 23:59

My friend has an x rated members website and has just told me that our old science teacher from secondary school has bought it! The same teacher that there were always dodgy rumours about him being a creep.

Is this worth mentioning to the school or is that over dramatic? It's really weird but she's 22 now and hasn't been at the school for 4 years.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 03/05/2024 08:24

Surely she could get into trouble for divulging her clients details. I'd keep out of it, she won't thank you if that blows up.

Naunet · 03/05/2024 08:34

Well it’s fucking grim, but if you’re going to get your bits out on the internet, you don’t get to control who looks. It’s empowering, apparently.

PurpleBugz · 03/05/2024 08:35

Yeah it's creepy and says a lot about him but it's not illegal. Reporting may get her in trouble as she's disclosing private information? Sad that that's the case really

littlekittyhoward · 03/05/2024 08:37

It’s unlikely the school would be interested at all. I had a summer fling with one of my old teachers when I was 19 (looking back as an adult, what was I thinking?!) As I’ve gotten older I think about it a lot and particularly think about what was going on at school and whether it constituted grooming but I’ve looked into it and there’s no point reporting. No one would care, sadly.

renomeno · 03/05/2024 08:38

@WhatIfHesWrittenMine why would she even think to use her real name on an site like this... if that's the case she's probably got more than just the teacher looking at her or 'buying her content'!

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 08:41

littlekittyhoward · 03/05/2024 08:37

It’s unlikely the school would be interested at all. I had a summer fling with one of my old teachers when I was 19 (looking back as an adult, what was I thinking?!) As I’ve gotten older I think about it a lot and particularly think about what was going on at school and whether it constituted grooming but I’ve looked into it and there’s no point reporting. No one would care, sadly.

Things have changed a lot in schools in terms of safeguarding and yes, they would care if that happened now.

AlltheFs · 03/05/2024 08:42

It’s definitely a GDPR breach in that she has told YOU. It’s quite worrying that she doesn’t understand that. She shouldn’t be telling anyone about her customers.

If she had approached the school with a legitimate concern that might be different but she has told a completely unrelated third party first. You can’t do that.

If she had just left school I’d certainly report. 4 years is a bit of a grey area. He could also easily deny knowing it was a former pupil.

I’d completely stay out of it @ShyPearlMoose as you shouldn’t know about it.

littlekittyhoward · 03/05/2024 08:43

@WhatIfHesWrittenMine interesting - this happened in the last decade. At a private school though and he is a well respected teacher. Everything I’ve read told me there was no point raising it after the fact. I’m not even sure I want to, but I’ve always had a niggle in the back of my head that maybe it would be right to. But I have no interest in dragging up the past or something I consented to.

Sillyjane · 03/05/2024 08:45

What do you mean someone bought it. Do you mean she has an only fans page and an ex teacher subscribed? I can’t see how that’s illegal to be honest.

Teq · 03/05/2024 08:45

Surely dirty old perverts are her target clientele?

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 08:47

renomeno · 03/05/2024 08:38

@WhatIfHesWrittenMine why would she even think to use her real name on an site like this... if that's the case she's probably got more than just the teacher looking at her or 'buying her content'!

Well she might not use her real name but he might have found her another way, perhaps via a link from her mainstream social media - some people do advertise their OF on their 'normal' profiles. She might have been naive or silly or she might be adamant that it's her right to have an OF. I personally don't like it, but I'm not a moral judge of this woman's choices. But it's absolutely the case that any former teacher of hers who looks at it is breaching their professional standards and behaving in a way that compromises their integrity and trustworthiness to do the job. There is plenty of porn online; no one needs to look at an ex-pupil performing it. The fact that he's chosen to subscribe to her account specifically begs the question why.

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 08:50

littlekittyhoward · 03/05/2024 08:43

@WhatIfHesWrittenMine interesting - this happened in the last decade. At a private school though and he is a well respected teacher. Everything I’ve read told me there was no point raising it after the fact. I’m not even sure I want to, but I’ve always had a niggle in the back of my head that maybe it would be right to. But I have no interest in dragging up the past or something I consented to.

I'm very sorry this happened to you and please don't blame yourself for 'consenting'. The power dynamics in a teacher student relationship don't allow for true consent and I promise it was not your fault.

You might find it too triggering to read, but the novel My Dark Vanessa (based on real life) shows exactly how grooming works and the way it is so insidious and damaging. It is never the victim's fault.

You're under no obligation to report, but if you do the school should take it seriously. If they don't, they are in the wrong. It's your choice, and very understandable if you prefer not to.

JoleneInJeans · 03/05/2024 08:51

Unless she advertises herself on only fans as Jane Smith class 5a St Mary's class of 2018 then I don't imagine that he has tracked her down Confused

It's likely that he doesn't remember every pupil he's had over the years.

CHEESEY13 · 03/05/2024 08:51

Report. He's trying to find out how far he can go.....until it's too late for a victim?

Didn't Wayne Couzens - Sarah Everard's rapist murderer - begin by "flashing" and then escalated his behaviour to the most destructive level?

Sillyjane · 03/05/2024 08:53

CHEESEY13 · 03/05/2024 08:51

Report. He's trying to find out how far he can go.....until it's too late for a victim?

Didn't Wayne Couzens - Sarah Everard's rapist murderer - begin by "flashing" and then escalated his behaviour to the most destructive level?

How’s she a victim, what am I missing? She’s proactively choosing to do a only fans page, he’s entitled to subscribe, he’s not flashing folks?

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 08:56

Sillyjane · 03/05/2024 08:53

How’s she a victim, what am I missing? She’s proactively choosing to do a only fans page, he’s entitled to subscribe, he’s not flashing folks?

He's masturbating to an ex-pupil; it's highly likely that the memories of her being his student are heightening the thrill. Eventually this won't be enough for him and he will follow the predictable path that predators take, and it will be a current pupil who becomes a victim.

pinkyredrose · 03/05/2024 08:57

Exactly what is there to report? An adult male viewing porn? Good luck with that one!

CwmYoy · 03/05/2024 08:59

Legally neither has done anything wrong. Morally they are both vile.

TobaccoFlower · 03/05/2024 09:00

Maybe he doesn't know he used to teach her.

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 09:01

Gosh, it's horrifying how many people don't understand safeguarding, grooming, escalation of predatory behaviour and warning signs, not to mention the low expectations of teachers (to state it mildly!) I have to take a break from this thread, it's wildly depressing.

Sillyjane · 03/05/2024 09:13

WhatIfHesWrittenMine · 03/05/2024 09:01

Gosh, it's horrifying how many people don't understand safeguarding, grooming, escalation of predatory behaviour and warning signs, not to mention the low expectations of teachers (to state it mildly!) I have to take a break from this thread, it's wildly depressing.

Whatever are you on about. She has said, rumoured to be a creep. And subscribed to only fans of an ex student when she was 22. How in gods name is this grooming etc?

Luio · 03/05/2024 09:14

He sounds yucky and creepy but not necessarily aware of who she is. Quite a lot of teachers don’t even know their pupils when they are teaching them let alone many years on. Secondary teachers will have taught 1000s of pupils.

Itsabeautufulday · 03/05/2024 09:14

CHEESEY13 · 03/05/2024 08:51

Report. He's trying to find out how far he can go.....until it's too late for a victim?

Didn't Wayne Couzens - Sarah Everard's rapist murderer - begin by "flashing" and then escalated his behaviour to the most destructive level?

Report for what exactly?

She's an adult woman selling g herself online and he is a paying adult male.

She's broken the law by breaching of confidential agreements she signed up to by telling you who her customers are.

Or is 'she' actually you?

supercalafragilisticexpealidocious · 03/05/2024 09:19

I'm sure she has many other grim subscribers with questionable morals. That's the problem with selling your body as a commodity on a public forum- you lose control over who sees you.

BobbyBiscuits · 03/05/2024 09:22

Are teachers allowed to buy only fans or porn, if it's by or featuring an ex student?
I'd say it might be frowned upon. But does it breach contract, teaching regs? I'm honestly not sure. If he still works there I guess you could tell the school. It certainly seems a bit seedy. Teachers perving on their ex pupils..
I'd say it's up to her though. She might rather keep him as a client? It has potential for blackmail and stuff though maybe? Do you know if he's married? Gawd, it could end in tears.