Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

[Runninggirls26]

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

Obviously husband isn’t reliable, so guess what!
finish work early and get your own child from school like others would do!

@@BrendaSmall, where did OP say that her husband is habitually unreliable?

So we should all, as a default, assume that our husbands are full of shit and double-book for every possible occasion? Eg, buy a second Christmas gift for MIL because DH said he did it, but isn’t reliable? Book an additional flight on holiday because DH said he did it, but isn’t reliable? Take the car in for another service because DH said he did it, but isn’t reliable?

@BrendaSmall - you do know that many workplaces will not allow people to just skip off early to collect their children, don't you? Do you honestly think that the economy is full of workplaces that will allow this, whilst still a) allowing the parent to keep their job and b) paying them a full time wage? Maybe you can share what these unicorn, holy grail jobs are, because I sure as heck can't think of them!

You aren’t allowed decent weather on BHs.

Get people who go to the coast then moan about the weather! Duh!

But the grandad would have been if the DH had asked. Ffs. So you've obviously not read the thread.

This would absolutely enrage me!

He is just as much of a parent as you are and he said he would ask his dad.

Who could just forget about their own child like that!

This is entirely your husband’s fault. I hope you told him to catch a grip on that suggestion.

Why are you letting her dictate? Fuck that.

Seriously??? We dont know how old the child is.... you'd seriously expect OP to teach her child to make their own way at 4-5 years old?? Some of the comments on this thread are batshit crazy!!

The usually litany of posts from MNs outraged at GPs helping with their GCs' childcare.

But no you're not being unreasonable OP - your husband is the problem here, because he clearly thinks you're the one responsible for all the childcare/life admin while blissfully absolving himself from responsibility. Nobody wants to be married to Peter Pan.

Like I said she can’t rely on the husband to pass on the information!

We used to walk to and home from school at 5 years old 🤣

She didn't know this did she. He told her twice it was sorted. How the hell are you trying to argue that this is anyone but the DHs fault?

Well may be you are happy with being the default parent and holding the entire mental load of parenting. Some of us aren’t.

I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?”

DH started pulling the remind me later or check I haven't forgotten - now I set an Alexa reminder in front if him. I also refused to update his on-line calendar - it goes on family he gets told rest is on him. The double booking also stopped when I stepped back and made any problems his issue to sort.

I think you need a firm talk and to push back - you asked twice and assumed it was set up - he lied about asking both times - he caused this problem.

If the GPs have WhatsApp, can you make a group with them, and your husband so you can all be in touch that way and this doesn't happen again?

Might be a way of managing situation going forward - but at very least DH should be on it and aware what is going on with his child.

I think that’s reasonable. If my side of the family suggest doing something I say ‘sounds good (usually a lie) I will check with DH first) and vice versa. AND he’s the point of contact for his side and vice versa.

“going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

why does he think he can pick and choice his parenting responsibilities?

That is the crux of the issue - he seems to think he can walk away from different parts of parenting when he chooses.

Parenting is a joint responsibility and one parent isn't more responsible than the other

does he have a point - a point of what though, he needs to buck up his ideas and the only way o do that is taking on more responsibility not less

id sit down with him and explain you are equal parents, and you are not a parent to him as (besides anything else that would kill your sex life) - you are equal partners not one a mother to everyone else in the household - just the children. If he starts behaving like a child without taking responsibility - it will kill your relationship long or short term, as no one wants to date a child.

Tell hm you will not be picking up his slack and reminding him to do stuff, he is a grown adult and will have to find his own techniques to remember stuff and no one is infallible but he can't opt out of this

@BrendaSmall are you bad tempered and narky because you're knackered from doing all the parenting?

No medals for being a martyr, no one thinks any more of you.

🤣🤣🤣
At least I use my real name unlike a majority of people on here!!
certainly no bad tempered nor knackered
🤣
Guess what!
We never relied on anyone to collect our children from school, because we done it ourselves, whilst both working!

How embarrassing. That he can't function as an adult or you all for enabling him.

Well, aren't you lucky. Does it occur to you that the vast majority of employers don't allow that, and that that's not the fault of the parents? How would you feel if you were having an operation and, half way through, your surgeon downed tools because she had to collect her child from school?

Frankly, no-one knows or cares if you use your real name.

But apparently you didn't make your children do that, given that you left work to collect them?

How was OP supposed to know that?

@BrendaSmall - why shouldn’t @Runninggirls26 expect her dh to be a responsible parent? He presumably manages to hold down a job, with all the responsibilities and commitments that brings - but you think the poor little diddums shouldn’t have to remember he is a parent, or to parent equally with the OP?

I’m just glad that the men I know who are parents - my dh and ds1 - are all willing AND able parents who don’t need to be spoon fed by me or my lovely DIL. Do you not think ALL parents should be held to the same high standards, even if they are men?