Or should a play date be two hours max?

[TargetPractice11]

Still annoyed about something that happened on the weekend.

Invited friend and his 3 year old over for "morning tea" at 10am. They arrived at 10:30am, and stayed until 3pm.

I have a baby and two preschoolers. My preschoolers are adorable playmates for around two hours. Then they get feral.

The three kids running around repeatedly woke up my baby. My friend passively observed that this was occurring but made no move to go.

I made many hints. I did not serve lunch. We were all famished when they finally shuffled off at 3pm.

One of my many hints to leave was 'so- what else do you have on for today?'

To which my friend said he was hoping for a nap as he'd managed to keep his kid out all day and allow his wife to relax.

😡

I am exhausted- up all night with a baby. I would love a fucking nap.

DH and I always subscribed to there being a 90-120 minute hard stop on play dates. Did we just make that up? Or is that the socially acceptable limit?

7 hours? Is it Risk?

I think YANBU Op but I agree that it sometimes does depend on how close a friendship it is. I have sympathy though I have older DC and recently invited the friend’s parent around, my DH made a hot and cold buffet but it wasn’t lunch time, it was 3ish but he did it to be polite, we had wine etc. there was loads left as he is always generous and as we were 4 hours in and were going out that evening, DH asked if the parent would like anything else but in that indirect British way to show it’s coming to an end as he was now tidying up. Rather than get the hint the parent asked, “why what else do you have, have you cooled something else”. Very embarrassing as we explained no do you anymore of the nice array of food items including smoked salmon available at a bone meal time. On all honesty I hate cooking so asked why we couldn’t just put some nuts out but DH loves cooking and hosting and all that and wants to go the whole hog all the time.

Op I don’t think you need to be rude just say at the start you can only do two hours

You can say because dc will get overtired or other reason

ATA none meal time not “bone” time

I dont get the hype about play dates or the hype about being apart of the school gate mums group.
I took my child to school and picked them up.
My child had friends at schools and after school clubs went to partys if invited.
As my child got older he made other mates and went to the park with them.
I never text mums and ask for a get togethers to help my child make friends.
I have seen on MN that some mums still do this when they get in high school 😳.
Times have changed.
But i do sometimes think why do parents get so involved with their childs friends even when they get to teens i mean its all about learning about friends and the child needs to learn this for them selfs.
You child will make friends us as parents dont need to make friends for them its all about learning and growing.

I'm burnt out after two hours, never mind the children

I'm just exhausted these days and don't want to spend all day hosting anyone

If this guy is a friend then why can't you just tell him this. If he isn't a friend then why are you inviting him over. You are over complicating this so much.

I just say the time limit in the invite.

I’ve made some really good friends at the school gates and Im on a really supportive WhatsApp group that is just for women in the locality; lots of funny, interesting and intelligent people that I have got to know.

Where I live lots of your child’s social life at infants and Junior school is about going to the park after school, accommodating their friendships in none school hours especially in Spring, summer and early Autumn also the beach sometimes. Lots of events go on locally that a collective of parents organise so Street parties, Halloween Discos, huge park water fights, even barbecue on the beach at the end of term. It can be quite overwhelming but it definitely has its plus points.

You don’t obviously get involved in the teen years but it’s certainly facilitated the friendships in the teen years as there is a sense of community.

I'm reading here that he was under strict instructions not to return home because his wife was having a nap and being a selfish prick totally lacking in imagination thought he'd push his luck at yours. You should have been less polite. "Right kids 5 minutes left. Then everyone out. We're off to see Santa's reindeer fly past" or whatever

We have friends who never leave unless you spell it out to them. Just don't take the hint. I think I would have pretended I was putting the toddler down for a nap.

And his wife is smart to insist he actually leaves the home so she can get a break 🤣

No they were genuinely easier when there were more of them. It's was also reciprocated so we would all take turns to host.

You've never heard people be so direct because you take the hint or you know that you want to leave after 2 hours anyway. If someone doesn't take the hint then the only option is to be direct.

"It was lovely having you over, I better get lunch ready for my two. We will see you at play group next week"

"Thanks for coming over, doesn't 2 hours go fast when the kids are having fun. I'll get your coats."

" I'm going to make lunch now, we'll have to arrange to meet up again soon" and stand up

Sounds TBH as if you don’t give much of a shit about politeness anyway.

I’m going to guess that his wife was away/ going out for the day/ evening when he was invited around for the afternoon playdate and ended up staying for dinner?

This incident should have been your cue to realise that your ‘friend’ should be an ‘external playdate only’ as one of the previous posters said (a great phrase!). Next time suggest soft play or a park, and not near enough to your place that he can suggest coming in for a coffee before he heads home.

I sympathise because I’m not very assertive and would find it hard to tell people to leave, though the parents I know would take the hints and not overstay their welcome.

I do agree that at preschool age, two to three hours was around the limit for play dates due to potential child grumpiness. Once they are older and can be dropped off rather than parents staying, and can entertain themselves with limited supervision, it’s much easier

What is the relevance of this to the OP?! She met an old friend who happens to have a child similar in age to her own. It was time for the children to play whilst she caught up with a friend, nothing to do with school mums/clubs or parties 🙄

Be antisocial if you want to but I have found when primary school age, having children round in the holidays actually makes my life easier- it keeps my children busy and happy. If I happen to get on with the parent, it is a nice catch up too.
Being friendly and getting to know other parents at school is a huge help. They don't need to turn into my best friends but we help each other out when running late coming home from work/needing lift to activities or parties etc.
Trying to make friends for my child has never been on my radar

I've never heard of morning tea

When mine was a baby I wouldn't have thought twice about saying "I'm sorry to throw you out but I've got to get the baby down for her nap and she won't settle with visitors in the house, you know how it is". And I'd never be offended if a friend said that to me.

But yes, I do also have some friends who I'll go and meet out or at theirs because they find it so hard to get motivated to leave if they're at someone else's house!

Next time just tell him to go - dont make stuff up or lie - why do you even feel you have to?! Just be honest - 2 hours and then they have to leave.

1)WTF is morning tea?

2. Just say when it's time to go!

I actually find this too restrictive. If we meet up with friends, my 3 year old wants to see his friend for more than 2 hours!

I think you both behaved oddly - I would have said 'I think mine are going to need a rest soon sorry'

There are some friends I can handle a day with but I know with a baby you really need that break after a couple of hours of parenting where you can stick tv on and switch off for a bit.

If they don't have a baby they aren't as tired as you! so you probably do need to remind them.

Just adding to the chorus of "wtf is morning tea"?

@earther what are you on about it's totally normal in the history of parenting for two parents to have a cuppa and a chat while toddlers play.