Or should a play date be two hours max?

[TargetPractice11]

Still annoyed about something that happened on the weekend.

Invited friend and his 3 year old over for "morning tea" at 10am. They arrived at 10:30am, and stayed until 3pm.

I have a baby and two preschoolers. My preschoolers are adorable playmates for around two hours. Then they get feral.

The three kids running around repeatedly woke up my baby. My friend passively observed that this was occurring but made no move to go.

I made many hints. I did not serve lunch. We were all famished when they finally shuffled off at 3pm.

One of my many hints to leave was 'so- what else do you have on for today?'

To which my friend said he was hoping for a nap as he'd managed to keep his kid out all day and allow his wife to relax.

😡

I am exhausted- up all night with a baby. I would love a fucking nap.

DH and I always subscribed to there being a 90-120 minute hard stop on play dates. Did we just make that up? Or is that the socially acceptable limit?

Clearly your guests outstayed their welcome but to say that a play date should be no longer than two hours is a bit rigid. I wonder were they hanging on hoping for a bit of lunch?!

Slight derail here but relevant. Ex MIL would invite us for, say, Sunday lunch. She would say ‘Arrive 1.30 for drinks,lunch at 2, please leave at 5.30pm.
it actually worked well! 😊

Get a taxi over there with all 3 kids and stay all day!

They weren't meant to come over for 10:30- I invited them for 10. They were late, which was already annoying as my children were waiting for them to arrive to eat the morning tea.

I did feed them. I fed them the meal I invited them to. I made scones, little sandwiches and cake.I also provided a lot of fruit.

I felt that continuing to feed them a new meal would send a mixed message, when I very much wanted and expected them to leave any minute now that the morning tea was over and the playing was no longer fun.

@VeneziaJ a brilliant idea 😂

@VeneziaJ or better yet, I'd drop the older two off and take the baby for a day of lunch and shopping!

Brilliant, I'll start putting it in the text message.

I take on board what people have said about social cues not being accessible for everyone.

That very much does sound like afternoon tea i.e. a whole meal which is a replacement for lunch rather than something you have in addition to lunch so serving that rather reinforces that they've been invited until at least mid-afternoon and I'm not surprised they or their kids weren't hungry at 'lunchtime'.

I just wouldn't have him over again. For a start, don't invite him. If he invites himself, say ahh not today, I've just cleaned the house and want it to stay that way so you're getting a bit of a bitchy little dig in at his performance time while not inviting him over and say do you want to meet up at the park, thursday looks sunny. Basically his card is now marked and the next time his wife says get out until 3, I can't stand the sight of you, he needs to come up with a strategy that doesn't involve another woman providing all amenities and refreshments.

*performance last time, that should say

This all sounds a bit rigid from my experience. Especially being annoyed they didn’t come on the dot.

my kids’ play dates are usually longer than 2 hours with people we already know unless we’re at a soft play or something.

but if you want to wrap it up I just set my phone timer, say, ‘kids, 10 minutes until we have to go, we’ve got to (excuse)’

Next time be blunt.

Just say last time was too long. 'Mine are cute for 2 hours max.'

Bet he left complaining how hungry he was and how they weren't offered lunch!

Please do! I have never been offended by someone bluntly telling me I need to leave now.

Even "I think the kids are getting tired of each other so you probably should leave now" if you want to stay on the politer side of things.

NB: I'd have been confused to be given sandwiches at 10 or 10:30am and assumed your kids eat lunch early... Mine would've eaten that as lunch - probably grazing for about two hours then wouldn't need feeding again until 4 or 5pm... If you want someone to come for "snack time", I'd stick to cut-up fruit or a biscuit for the kids, and biscuits or possibly cake for the adults. The message is then clear you are not offering a meal.

Even aside from the issues around withholding food from small children to try and manipulate a situation, even if you didn't care about that, surely you didn't think it was a smart idea for yourself to make your own children hangry?

Just use your words next time instead of being passive-aggressive.

I don't think I'd say "please leave by 5:30"

but could say something like "Would you and your DC like to come over for a play date 10-1? I'll make some lunch"

or "How about you come over for a play date at 2 pm after lunch? We are free until 4:30"

I wasn’t talking about a play date. I was saying what my MIL used to say when she invited family for Sunday lunch. It worked well. I did say it was a ‘slight derail’. 😊

This had me laughing more than it should have 😂The wife basically having to ring because she knew exactly what he was doing. Hilarious!!! Also 2 days before Christmas sounds about right. She was probably at home manically wrapping presents and trying to get the house organised for people coming to stay and he's sat chilling out on your sofa watching the news - ah I love it😂

Yes much easier to limit after lunch as school run/partner getting back gives it a "hard stop".

Yes not the only example of this man's useless behaviour I am afraid- they are now divorced.

Awesome insight into NT brains. I'm terrible at taking hints, so I don't give them either: I just say, 'it's time to call it a day'. I wouldn't think to make up a lie about being busy or going out either.
My autistic son thinks the 'what do you have planned...' comment just sounds like you were making small talk, not suggesting that they leave.
Would it be terribly inappropriate to just tell people when you've had enough? Would that be worse than being angry at them for days? (Genuine question from a place of curiosity).

@TargetPractice11 now you have said you fed them at 1030 with stuff I'm not surprised they hadn't left at lunchtime as kids weren't hungry at 12

Never heard of morning tea which means feeding them a fairly big meal

What happened to a biscuit or fruit at 1030/11 snack time

Come for a cuppa at 10 wouid have better

I agree that this man was either unaware of social norms ( eg: possibly ND) or choosing to ignore them (CF).In my exanple I know very well that he was ( is) a CF. My children are now grown (17&20), I do wish I had been more assertive around this stuff when the were younger, like you I was brought up to be a good girl , kind and accomadating.

If never heard the term “morning tea” before. Do you think he thought you meant lunch? “Tea” as lunch? (Ad opposed to “tea” for 4pm?) Was waiting for you to get it together?

maybe be more clear in the future. Invited them for a morning play date and tell them you’ve got plans at lunch time so it’s a play date from 10:30 to noon.

Never ever heard the term "morning tea" and that may be where the confusion set in.

Tea, as a meal rather than a drink, is traditionally eaten in the afternoon.

He may have thought the invite was from morning TO tea.

Who knows.

But what on earth is morning tea? That doesn’t make any sense.