Or should a play date be two hours max?

[TargetPractice11]

Still annoyed about something that happened on the weekend.

Invited friend and his 3 year old over for "morning tea" at 10am. They arrived at 10:30am, and stayed until 3pm.

I have a baby and two preschoolers. My preschoolers are adorable playmates for around two hours. Then they get feral.

The three kids running around repeatedly woke up my baby. My friend passively observed that this was occurring but made no move to go.

I made many hints. I did not serve lunch. We were all famished when they finally shuffled off at 3pm.

One of my many hints to leave was 'so- what else do you have on for today?'

To which my friend said he was hoping for a nap as he'd managed to keep his kid out all day and allow his wife to relax.

😡

I am exhausted- up all night with a baby. I would love a fucking nap.

DH and I always subscribed to there being a 90-120 minute hard stop on play dates. Did we just make that up? Or is that the socially acceptable limit?

Unless the plan is to spend the day together, or 'let's meet and see how the day goes', there is definitely a general 2hr time limit of play dates within my friendship groups - especially so when the children were tiny. And especially if someone invites you for MORNING TEA at 10am and it reaches lunchtime!

I do echo the pp who commented on how much more sense it made that it's a man..! Childcare is childcare, wife is happy and he gets a nap after. CF!

Can you take public transport to his? Does this mean they never reciprocate?

I would be like Get out of my house ! Seriously what a rude man.

I have experienced both ways - several cases where playdates have lasted most of the day because I am friendly with the parents and we enjoy each others company. Also have included impromptu lunches/dinners either at my or their place that we hadn’t planned for but - most importantly - both parties wanted.

There have also been occasions where I have had other plans or not wanted it to be so long and have either made it clear that we need to go out or given a fixed time on the invite - would you like to come from 2-4pm and planned the timings so they are not meal times. I recommend this for this particular friend

Agree about two hours, make it clear in advance.

🙌🏻exactly this

I don't think there is a hard limit.

I've done both short and long play dates.

You needed to stop dropping hints and tell him it's time for him to go.

To each their own, I'm quite easy with all day playdates and have always met up with friends for the whole day while the kids play and thought nothing of it, be it inside or outside the house. Might be different if it was parents I didn't know well.

@Snowfalling

In theory we could take public transportation to his but he's never invited us, and it would mean at least an hour each way (walking between stations) with two preschoolers and a baby in a pram and frankly - no play date is worth that to me!

I just have missed the memo on the all day play dates!

He is a good friend from school days, so I guess he would fall into that category.

I'm burnt out after two hours, never mind the children.

I'm just exhausted these days and don't want to spend all day hosting anyone.

Maybe I need to start flicking the lights.

"this has been fun, I've got stuff to do so we'll need to wrap this up. Janey say goodbye to Fiona...."

I think that's why it's bothered me to much.

Another man buying his leisure with my labour.

Drop a couple of hints like, " I better start getting on with stuff" or "I have some errands to run" or " I need to pop out" or "I said I would ring my mum at 12.00" or whatever vague thing you fancy. Then if they don't get the hint I say " right, I am going to have to kick you out now" in a smiley jokey way. Some people don't read social signals very well and need the latter to realise the situation. I hate to generalise but more men struggle with it that women in my experience. If anyone gets offended by being nicely ejected then that would be their issue not mine in my opinion.

He's not invited you, I mean is this 1 sided friendship worth it.

I tried various iterations of this. The hint wasn't taken.

"The kids are exhausted now"

"Sorry mine are feral after playing this long. They really need a rest"

"What are your plans for lunch?"

"Mine need a rest before we head out for dinner"

Just say that now it’s time to go because you have other things to do now. No need to be polite just tell them. If need be say before they arrive that the time to have left by is 12pm. Nothing wrong with an hour and a half. Two hours maximum is more than enough. Keep your boundaries.

None of those examples are variations of saying goodbye. They're all ambiguous.

If you want to say goodbye then say it!

In this case, he wouldn’t be invited to mine again. He took the piss and had zero consideration for you or your children. And for the next meeting in a public place, I would be turning up an hour after the arranged time myself given he also does not appear to value anyone else’s time

Your communication and his communication don't match up. He was probably just assuming that if you wanted him to leave you would tell him?

This is downright rude and I don't think anyone would say this. Next time op give an end time. And yanbu, he definitely took the piss. He was just so rude sitting there watching them be rowdy and wake up the baby. And he didn't even bother to give his own child some lunch. I wouldn't have him around again

YABU to expect pro know your imaginary 2 hour rule. Play dates last as long as they last.

YANBU to be frustrated and annoyed by the piss-taking bloke outsourcing his childcare.

Just be blunt, ffs. “Right, it’s chucking out time now, I’m afraid. It’s been great to see you all but I need to put the baby down for her sleep. Let’s get these toys put away…”

I thought being invited for morning tea, implicitly conveyed that you were not invited for lunch, afternoon tea etc.

Clearly need to be more blunt in the future! I just don't know how.

When my family is invited to a play date, there's never a cut off time. Just a mutual understanding to leave before/when the children are overcooked.

I have to admit, although I would pick up on your hints, they are a bit vague and could easily be interpreted as "i need to have a whine about children" stuff rather than "you need to leave"