Or should a play date be two hours max?

[TargetPractice11]

Still annoyed about something that happened on the weekend.

Invited friend and his 3 year old over for "morning tea" at 10am. They arrived at 10:30am, and stayed until 3pm.

I have a baby and two preschoolers. My preschoolers are adorable playmates for around two hours. Then they get feral.

The three kids running around repeatedly woke up my baby. My friend passively observed that this was occurring but made no move to go.

I made many hints. I did not serve lunch. We were all famished when they finally shuffled off at 3pm.

One of my many hints to leave was 'so- what else do you have on for today?'

To which my friend said he was hoping for a nap as he'd managed to keep his kid out all day and allow his wife to relax.

😡

I am exhausted- up all night with a baby. I would love a fucking nap.

DH and I always subscribed to there being a 90-120 minute hard stop on play dates. Did we just make that up? Or is that the socially acceptable limit?

Dd1 had a friend like that and she'd come en famille with big sister and mother. I'd end up giving them lunch and still getting them to leave by tea time was a nightmare! I refused to provide dinner as well. This wasn't even a playdate - it was them bringing something for dd3 who was 16 years younger than dd1.

He was outsourcing it because his plan was to go home for a nap.
In other words, he's 'done his bit' and can now devolve the responsibilities of childcare to his wife.

Honeslty op, my son (age 2.5) can socialise for around 2 hours on a play date before he needs a rest. I’m with you on this.
hes very full on high energy so after 2 hours need a nap/watch tv/downtime

so yes our play dates are usually around the 2 hour mark still

Next time I would say

’Yeah come over for for morning tea, I need to leave the house at 1 though so sorry I can only do until 12:30’

This is interesting to me as I usually enjoy hosting play dates as I would rather be at home and it's often easier to relax and have a chat at home than in a soft play. The last play date we had went on too long and my friend DD made so much mess I feel like I don't want them over again.

That one was 4 hours but I agree with PPs that it depends on the situation as I have friends who would be welcome here for that long and I'd want them to feel welcome. The issue in this situation was the mess. Their DD go every single toy and game out is it's box and there came a point I was wanted to get the house tidied up.

i would always assume people might stay for lunch if not arriving until late morning - all play dates we had lasted most of the day! Then again, I think this should be discussed up front.

I think it’s 2 hours when a child is left at your house - until about year 4 when it extends to 3/4 hours max.

but if the parent is there they can stay endlessly! I hate it when this used to happen.

Max 3 hours - unless you are the best friend child. He can stay forever. No problem.

I would have said 'right, I'm going to make you all a quick sandwich and then I'll have to kick you out so I can get the kids down for a nap' my friends wouldn't be offended by that. You need to stop hinting and be more assertive OP

I’ve never heard it like that, but it’s easy enough to lean forward and put a hand on their arm, or whatever level of familiarity is acceptable between you and say “Dave, that’s a hint, I really need the house back. I’m sure you can find something else to do with [dc] for the rest of the day if you don’t want to go home yet.”

I think, on the whole, men are more inclined to expect people to be a bit more upfront about lines being overstepped and less inclined to take offence if you are straight with them.

As to whether 2 hours is the limit - if asked for morning tea I would expect to leave for lunch (and would definitely not miss the cue of lunch being mentioned but not offered!), but I never thought of play dates as having a hard time limit. My kids, as toddlers, could go all day and I had a lot of play dates that lasted for 4 - 6 hours, though normally organized in advance and generally reciprocated with one of us going off each time to have some kid free time.

I think that's a perfectly normal amount of time seeing a friend kids or no kids. If you want a visit to be super short at 1.5 or 2 hours you need to say.

That would be really rude. Of course you can't say that. Who speaks to friends like that?!?

If you want it to be a short visit, you set it up in advance preferably (so they can plan their day around it) or as they arrive if not. Or you can say something polite that achieves the same thing such as "I may need to chuck you out in a minute as I have to go/do x/the kids needs to do x" or whatever. No need for rudeness. If a friend of mine spoke to me like that they wouldn't be a friend for very long!

You were dropping definite hints but some people, particularly men, just need asking to leave. How have you gotten to your 3rd without ever having to do this?!

'I'm sorry I can't offer you lunch but we haven't done our weekly shop yet, it's been great to see you'

'Right kids, pick one last game then we will need to pack up so X can go home'

'It's been lovely seeing you, baby needs a proper nap now though so I'm going to have to send you on your way and keep these 2 quiet with their lunch for a bit'

Just ask people to leave.
Also I've never heard of a 2 hr playdate rule, we generally go a half day in our group to a mealtime. Come when ready in the morning and either go home for lunch/after lunch or come for/after lunch and leave before tea.
We met at 1 today and said goodbye at half 4, a short one!

Feel your pain op

Same thing happened to me

With three kids

They stayed for five hours. Felt like my head had been mashed in a blender

So?

No more play dates at our house, because people take the piss.

We have playdates in parks, so I can leave when I've had enough

Ours are 1.5 hrs - 2 hours max. I just say we have somewhere to get to when they are itching towards the 2 hour mark! I only do longer playdates when dc can fully entertain & tidy up after themselves (typically age 8+)

My best friend and her boys often come for a good few hours. Last time, she asked if I was free on a particular day as they were travelling most of the half term holiday. I said "we have lunch plans and then busy in the afternoon, but we will be here til 12 if you want to come in the morning?"
So that's what they did, and they left on time.

I'm taking note of some of these scripts and will practice!

That's the other thing- the mess they leave.

They swan out, I'm left with overstimulated children, a baby that hasn't napped, every toy scattered on the floor and a tableful of cups and plates to wash.

Do.

Because this is your problem I made many hints.

And this is your solution I think you should have politely got them to leave. Practise ways of doing this.

Lots of people jumping on the fact your friend is male but his priority was his wife and letting her rest for the day. Which he did.

You allowed that to be at your expense.

Wow I never had a play date when my kids were little last more than 2.5, maybe 3 hours at the absolute max, because they are either morning OR afternoon and I’ve not had any people round who didn’t just go home for a main meal! I would have made up something I had to go out for if they didn’t leave.
It’s different now kids are older as they are dropped off, I don’t mind them staying for a lunch as I don’t have to make small talk with anyone for hours!

Oh we had some school friends like that. After the first occasion we always met them in a park. Also, both members of the couple came which was a bit weird! And compounded the awkwardness and that we didn't have enough lunch food!

If he lives an hour way I can kinda see why he expects to “make a day of it” so to speak— unless it’s an hour on public transport and only 20 minutes by car for him
However the bottom line is it doesn’t work for you so just don’t invite him over and meet outside the house

Oh god we had this with DS's Best friend. He came round for the first time, dad came to pick him up and the pair of them just wouldn't leave. I don't think I was even being subtle,

"your DW will be wondering where you are"
"DS, I think friend needs to go home now"
"Well I really should start dinner"

Nothing worked. It was painful. This kid will definitely be coming again and I think I will just have to be a bit rude next time. He's a lovely man but bloody hell.

Your mistake was to assume he’s just the same as you and will read your mind and/or pick up what you’re trying to say via pointless hinting.

I am immune to hints and will never pick up those cues so I’m clear (and possibly fairly blunt) in my communications but at least the other party knows what you want to happen in any given situation.

Also, in your mind, being blunt is viewed as rude but in my mind, being blunt is actually far kinder because no one is left embarrassed by a misunderstanding. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s a bit harsh. Can’t imagine saying it to anyone unless they insulted me or my family in my own house.
There are several better suggestions on this thread.