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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just want a childless day out?

156 replies

ToxicChristmas · 01/05/2024 20:50

Love my friend. Love her kids. Do not love her wanting to take her kid or kids on every bloody outing we go on. I get she thinks they are brilliant -I think the same about mine. But it's driving me potty that every single trip we plan to do or do she adds on a kid.
We've just this evening arranged to go out to an event next weekend -all great until she adds that her youngest wants to come. I KNOW he will be bored within the hour and it's a whole day event. We won't be able to sit and watch anything for any length of time, we will have to plan around said child. Any suggestion of it being adult only won't go down well. I'm just going to cancel as it's expensive and seems pointless to go now (for me).
Any ideas of how to deal with this diplomatically in the future? Or do I just accept that we won't be doing days out? I've tried to nicely say in advance about adults only but it's been brushed off or told it will be ok and how much the kids enjoy going out with us. Do I just be brutally honest? Do I try and laughingly say I need an adult day? Or am I a miserable bitch who should just put up with it? Or a mean mum who enjoys time sans kids?

OP posts:
hoonicorn · 03/05/2024 09:49

Do your kids get along? Can't you bring your child and then the kids have each other?

Do you have any other friends? Just accept this isn't the friend to do adult only events with.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/05/2024 10:07

hoonicorn · 03/05/2024 09:49

Do your kids get along? Can't you bring your child and then the kids have each other?

Do you have any other friends? Just accept this isn't the friend to do adult only events with.

@hoonicorn

op doesn’t want any kids there.

PineappleTime · 03/05/2024 10:23

hoonicorn · 03/05/2024 09:49

Do your kids get along? Can't you bring your child and then the kids have each other?

Do you have any other friends? Just accept this isn't the friend to do adult only events with.

Weirdly, sometimes adults like to enjoy activities without their kids. OP could take hers but she doesn't want to.

utilitarianism · 03/05/2024 15:40

She's taking this personally, which is strange, considering that you're obviously fine with 'excluding' your own children, as well. It's nothing against her children.

If she doesn't want to go out without her kids, that's fine, but she should accept that you might not feel that way. I think your answer is clear, here: She doesn't want to do a childless day out. If you get her to do it anyway, she'll probably consider that she's making a sacrifice, and I'd expect a passive-aggressive comment or two along the lines of 'My Archie would've loved this! (sigh)' Confused

pictoosh · 03/05/2024 20:22

I agree with you OP. Free time is so precious. I've got three kids, although they're all older now, and I remember feeling as you do. I was happy to leave them with their dad and enjoy a bit of space and adult conversation. I was fortunate that most of my friends were alike. We did stuff with the kids and stuff without.

If someone wants to be with their children all the time that's ok. They can live as they wish. I'm not hanging out though...I'd rather talk to my own kids and they're at home.

AppleCrumbCake · 03/05/2024 22:08

other peoples children are incredibly annoying when you’re trying to have adult time.

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