I think I’m being a snob

[DefinitelyNC]

I didn’t get to meet my family abroad for years because of Covid. We then all met on neutral ground at a wedding abroad and my adored nieces had turned into tweens and teens and I was surprised to see them all with strong make up, very long fake nails and lashes, cutout dresses, very short shorts with sparkly parts of their underwear pulled up and on show - both bra and knickers. I wasn’t sure how and why my sisters allowed all this, especially for the ones who were only 11/12. They also turned up at the wedding like this, in their inappropriate (Shein, apparently) tight and cutout dresses and flip-flops.

We’ve since invited one my sisters over to London to celebrate our big wedding anniversary (we are hugely lucky to live in a very nice area) and said we’ll take them out to some lovely restaurants and shows and suggested they bring appropriate clothes - just in case they’d bring only comfortable wear to do the usual tourist stuff.

The evening of the first dinner arrived, we dressed up and I had a near heart attack when her 12 year old was ready to go in a bright pink matching tracksuit with the word ‘Juicy’ written across her bottom in sparkly letters. Also wedge trainers that didn’t even match. My sister wore an oversized old jumper and decided to not style or even brush her hair and didn’t put any face cream on, let alone a little makeup. Her husband is a very successful doctor, they have a large home with a pool and a second large holiday home - it’s not about not having the resources. She used to work in fashion and always had a go at me when I was growing up if anything I wore wasn’t perfectly matched. I found myself so deeply ashamed to go to our regular really nice restaurant. For subsequent dinners we had head to toe sequins with trainers and some other interesting choices.

Her Italian husband (who is an incredible guy - kind, funny and polite) has always had an imaculate sense of style and they’ve been together for over 20 years.

I feel terrible, she asked about coming back later in the year for my 40th birthday, if they will then I would only be able to relax if we have a BBQ in our garden or something.

Punch away! 😭

I stand corrected😱
I was always more of a boho skirt and vest top kind of girl.

With the big belt with the metal circles? Me too!

They seem to be back ‘in’ too. Honestly trips to Urban Outfitters with dd are like reliving my own misspent youth. Although I do manage to stop myself from bellowing ‘Ooh I had a skirt just like that. Everything comes back around eventually you know!’ Unlike my own dm when I used to drag her to Topshop back in the day.

Honestly? Snob isn't the first word that came to mind.

Shallow and immature did! Sounds like you love a good show off which is crass to me. People with class don't need to show off, they have the confidence to be themselves.

Oysters, champagne... 🙄

And you are being a bit of a snob op. Teens will be teens. Let them have fun with their clothes while they can.

I work in a Boarding school, all the year 8 girls (so 12-13 year olds) have been wearing them, very much back in.

Tweens in Juicy Couture? I doubt they’ve even heard of it, that’s very early 2000s.
But yes you are being a snob. You only have control over yourself and how you decide to dress. It’s no reflection on you so let them dress trashy if they wish.

Yes! Definitely a better look than juicy tracksuits.

I agree that this can't be real. Expecting family to wear face cream in order to deserve to go to your stupid little restaurant is far more embarrassing than wearing a pink tracksuit.

I wouldn't allow the undies and bra showing. But the rest who cares. I can't even remember of my sister wore make up or face cream to the last show we went to. I'm sure she doesn't remember if I did either. This level of image consciousness isn't snobby. It's downright weird.

Can understand how you feel to see young girls dressed like this but unfortunately this is how most dress now but will grow out of it in a few years, thanks to the Kardashians and the hooker look. But you should not be judging your sister as god knows what is going on in her life, just because has a good lifestyle does not mean all is great. Let them be them and you do you and be lucky you have a relationship with your family and if you want to keep it say nothing about their dress choices.

I saw a tween wearing those yesterday.

I could easily see someone in certain parts of London throwing on a manly jumper and going out to eat as my DH’s much much younger cousins bin their early 20s do just that. The pieces are put together in a very unconsidered way with very fuzzy hair (it is naturally thick and wavy). Maybe it is deliberate I wouldn’t know as I’m 20 years older than them. I once went to Sampson’s in the Strand to meet my wicked step mother and Dad and Brother and his girlfriend straight from Heathrow with my backpack as I had been backpacking for 2 months. I did stand out as was dishevelled looking and my brother who was older worked in the City so looked very smart. I didn’t care but I was young compared to your sister.

Manky not ‘manly’.

Simpsons not Sampsons

I think you’re being unreasonable about your sister but with the Shein wear for tweens (or indeed, for young adults), if there are snobbish/prudish feelings in any of us, a lot of the stuff is going to bring them out.

It’s still around!

Yes my 13 year old has been asking me whether I have an old one, I pointed out not in million years did I own one, I’m quite surprised as she is quite alternative dressing, more Avril Lavigne than Little Britain character

It’s actually still pretty popular

@DefinitelyNC "Juicy Couture" tracksuits are not cheap! Have you ever tried to change a 12 year old girls mind about what to wear? how do you do it without causing world war 3 and ruining the whole day?? you are being a snob!

I find it very challenging as although my daughter is more alternative, not completely as likes Brandy Melville stuff, I just find most of that looks like PJ shorts and I do get pompous about it.

They are who they are and you definitely should not say anything or complain about it. Try to accept it.

But I do understand why you would find it embarrassing in fancy restaurants for example. I wouldn't want to go for champagne and oysters with people in tracksuits, I'd feel embarrassed.

Next time they come, just adjust what you are doing. Don't go for champagne and oysters, just go to a pub or something.

Good point why do you have to go to expensive restaurants OP?

I feel with Shein it is so damaging for the environment but also even my 13 year old was older, when is most of it ever going to be acceptable, I do keep most of my opinions to myself.

I always remember my dad apologising for my clothes as a teen (jeans an a jumper) to someone. It’s probably the only time I was shocked (he was very easy going in every sense and his catchphrase was pretty much ‘ah it’s fine’. It always stayed with me. Teens wear what they like- we’ve all fashion skeletons in our closets!!