I think I’m being a snob

[DefinitelyNC]

I didn’t get to meet my family abroad for years because of Covid. We then all met on neutral ground at a wedding abroad and my adored nieces had turned into tweens and teens and I was surprised to see them all with strong make up, very long fake nails and lashes, cutout dresses, very short shorts with sparkly parts of their underwear pulled up and on show - both bra and knickers. I wasn’t sure how and why my sisters allowed all this, especially for the ones who were only 11/12. They also turned up at the wedding like this, in their inappropriate (Shein, apparently) tight and cutout dresses and flip-flops.

We’ve since invited one my sisters over to London to celebrate our big wedding anniversary (we are hugely lucky to live in a very nice area) and said we’ll take them out to some lovely restaurants and shows and suggested they bring appropriate clothes - just in case they’d bring only comfortable wear to do the usual tourist stuff.

The evening of the first dinner arrived, we dressed up and I had a near heart attack when her 12 year old was ready to go in a bright pink matching tracksuit with the word ‘Juicy’ written across her bottom in sparkly letters. Also wedge trainers that didn’t even match. My sister wore an oversized old jumper and decided to not style or even brush her hair and didn’t put any face cream on, let alone a little makeup. Her husband is a very successful doctor, they have a large home with a pool and a second large holiday home - it’s not about not having the resources. She used to work in fashion and always had a go at me when I was growing up if anything I wore wasn’t perfectly matched. I found myself so deeply ashamed to go to our regular really nice restaurant. For subsequent dinners we had head to toe sequins with trainers and some other interesting choices.

Her Italian husband (who is an incredible guy - kind, funny and polite) has always had an imaculate sense of style and they’ve been together for over 20 years.

I feel terrible, she asked about coming back later in the year for my 40th birthday, if they will then I would only be able to relax if we have a BBQ in our garden or something.

Punch away! 😭

That was a bit of a drip feed about your sister never leaving the house. I would be more concerned about that than her oversized jumper.

are you for real? You’re so focused on aappearance and what people think of you, that the fact your sister is struggling, is secondary to you?

it’s shallow in the extreme.

I never wear make up or "style " my hair (beyond brushing it) and I have been to heaps of very expensive restaurants in London and abroad..never thought it was an issue. If anything over made up faces look pretty old fashioned these days

Comes to something when oysters are more important than your family. I'd rather sit with 100 Juicy tracksuit wearing people than someone who can't see past this. And you know it wouldn't surprise me if they came away thinking they'd rather have gone to KFC than where you took them.

@DefinitelyNC honestly I look back at many of the things I wore (and said!) as a teen and cringe, but my family never batted an eyelid. I think just try to value your family’s company as all teens wear very questionable clothes. My boys seem to dress like they’re in arctic conditions (like they’ve stepped out of an episode of top boy) and my girls have very alternative styles.
As for what you’re sister was wearing, London is very casual now in the evenings and as long as she was comfortable and happy so what! The Italian doctor will be arrested by the European fashion police for not upholding Italian style standards though I’m afraid!

I think you’re being a dick.

Op what did you wear, was it a cocktail dress?????

@DefinitelyNC also maybe give your sister a break, sounds like she’s having a tough time,, last thing she will need is feeling judged by her sister

I'd be adding the lack of face cream to this list of fashion errors.
This thread is hysterical in more ways than one.

Yep, you're a snob. Why do you care so much about appearances?

I think the clue is in your first paragraph OP when you mention you can’t believe your sisterS allow your nieces to dress like that (ie you have more than one sister with a daughter). I have girls the same age and they’re all the same (not keen on the underwear bit would pull mine in that). Blame SM, peer pressure etc but don’t think badly of your sisters who are probably just picking their battles.

My DD went through this phase. Now she's having a grunge phase. I'm told it's normal. She might still wear a crop top but put a cardigan on or hoodie over it! Her swimwear choices have dialled down as well.

I did clutch my pearls occasionally at the time but I didn't say anything. Image is very delicate from 11 years old onwards.

As for wearing posh clothes at a London restaurant, well, unless it's a three Michelin star place in Chelsea I wouldn't bother. London is open to casual dress pretty much everywhere. Getting dressed up is not a thing.

I never wear makeup and my hair is usually a ponytail scraped back. I wear jeans/trousers, clean trainers and a nice top pretty much everywhere.

I think OP is overthinking this.

And if your sister is struggling with depression, as you imply, then her hair and clothing would be the absolute last things I'd be worried about.

Jesus, are Juicy Couture tracksuits back?!

oh yes exactly this. My DD had a phase of looking like she had just come off Love Island, and now she is wearing huge baggy sweatshirts or massive slouchy jeans. It seems a thing.

I don't wear makeup or style my hair, though I am clean. No posh London restaurant has ever turned me away. Not in these straitened times.

You're not a snob, OP, you have standards and a sense of style. And that's fine.

They had a bit of a resurgence last year. I think JD started stocking it. I think it’s in its way out now. It’s White Fox this month.

🤯

YANBU about 11 and 12 year-olds wearing thick make-up, fake nails and eyelashes and inappropriate clothing.

YABU about the rest, especially about judging your sister's lack of moisturiser and make-up. That is, quite frankly, weird rather than snobbish.

I thought we had gone beyond censoring what women (even if very young) wear because of how others might react? I'm not overly keen on crop tops etc either but they are just experimenting and I'm hoping at those ages they would be venturing out only in (supervised/chaperoned) groups

I'm curious about what the OP wore when they all went to these "lovely restaurants." If the Style and Beauty board on MN is anything to go by, many people think they dress beautifully when outsiders may think otherwise. 😂

If my sister who ‘used to work in fashion’ and was stylish and groomed etc turned up as you say I’d be worried about her not embarassed

Ah so she's fat too....bingo!

Juicy is back in fashion, dahhhhling!