I think I’m being a snob

[DefinitelyNC]

I didn’t get to meet my family abroad for years because of Covid. We then all met on neutral ground at a wedding abroad and my adored nieces had turned into tweens and teens and I was surprised to see them all with strong make up, very long fake nails and lashes, cutout dresses, very short shorts with sparkly parts of their underwear pulled up and on show - both bra and knickers. I wasn’t sure how and why my sisters allowed all this, especially for the ones who were only 11/12. They also turned up at the wedding like this, in their inappropriate (Shein, apparently) tight and cutout dresses and flip-flops.

We’ve since invited one my sisters over to London to celebrate our big wedding anniversary (we are hugely lucky to live in a very nice area) and said we’ll take them out to some lovely restaurants and shows and suggested they bring appropriate clothes - just in case they’d bring only comfortable wear to do the usual tourist stuff.

The evening of the first dinner arrived, we dressed up and I had a near heart attack when her 12 year old was ready to go in a bright pink matching tracksuit with the word ‘Juicy’ written across her bottom in sparkly letters. Also wedge trainers that didn’t even match. My sister wore an oversized old jumper and decided to not style or even brush her hair and didn’t put any face cream on, let alone a little makeup. Her husband is a very successful doctor, they have a large home with a pool and a second large holiday home - it’s not about not having the resources. She used to work in fashion and always had a go at me when I was growing up if anything I wore wasn’t perfectly matched. I found myself so deeply ashamed to go to our regular really nice restaurant. For subsequent dinners we had head to toe sequins with trainers and some other interesting choices.

Her Italian husband (who is an incredible guy - kind, funny and polite) has always had an imaculate sense of style and they’ve been together for over 20 years.

I feel terrible, she asked about coming back later in the year for my 40th birthday, if they will then I would only be able to relax if we have a BBQ in our garden or something.

Punch away! 😭

My 13 year old daughter like to wear tiny clothes, fakes nails etc. It's really not to my taste but it is the fashion for young girls (sadly). I personally wouldn't have been bothered about the tracksuit - I'd just be relieved they were covered up! Unless you went to an extremely posh restaurant I really don't think the clothes would be a problem. Wherever I go these days (even expensive restaurants and the theatre) many people seem to dress down so I don't think your relatives would stand out at all.

OMG your sister didn't wear any make up.

The shame.

Go no contact.

It's the only way forward.

And teenagers dressing like teenagers. 😳😳😳

Sending hugs to you hun. Xxx

I need to wear makeup now to eat out in London? Sure.

At least you know you're stuck up

Hope this is a reverse and you're not actually so narrow minded

People wearing whatever the fuck they want?

you have to get yourself one wear it round the tween then she won't want to go anywhere near it ..
https://ie.juicycouture.eu/en-ie/collections/ss24

I wouldn’t refer to you as a snob. Conventional maybe. Such a shame that your reunion with your family following covid was about what they were wearing and not just enjoying the time you finally had together.

And what did YOU wear OP?

OMG, it's almost like none of this is actually true.

Wonder how many more 'chavvy' things OP could fit into another post.

This has got to be a wind up. If not you should be grateful to have a loving family some people have no one. Get a grip

😂😂

Yes it is exactly.

In a retro 90s/2000s way which is funny.

You should report her DH to the Medical Council of Italy asap. Apparently doctors get struck off the register if their wives don’t style their hair.

'The clothing doesn't sound to my taste, but as I am not wearing it then it's not my business'...keep repeating this in your head @DefinitelyNC, and eventually it will sink in! I think we all have 'what the heck?' moments regarding folk's clothing choices at some point in our lives, even those of us who are not really into style/being judgemental, and at least you are recognising that might well BU!

This. They are two entirely different things.

Young girls inappropriately dressed is gross and worthy of concern and comment. An adult woman choosing not to wear make-up is no issue at all

You’re a giant fucking judgemental snob. Their clothes may or may not have been ghastly but it has fuck all to do with you.

Seriously? Your snobbery comes before your relationship with your family? I assume your concern over what folks think about you?

This sounds like the kind of stuff I'd think but never say. DH nieces fit that bill but I'm also very aware of how impressionable girls of that age are and I had to tell off DH when he commented on their attire. I do remember clubbing in crop tops at the age of 18. I'd have worn a bra if I could have got away with it.
As for the mum, that's just a bit unkind. We don't all have the time or energy to glam up.

I honestly believe that teenage girls ( of which I have some!) should be taught that there is a time and a place for tiny clothes ( once they are old enough to wear them - not 12!)

I am constantly reminding my girls of their worth and value and how some of their clothing choices can be detrimental to that. I don’t allow the cut outs or the chavvy juicy and if that makes me a snob then I’m happy to be one!

I allow some make up but no fake tan and luckily the school is very strict re eyebrows and nails etc. but I wouldn’t be letting them do that until at least 16 ( and at their own cost)

class can be taught. Girls don’t need to follow a trend just because it’s a trend, I always make sure my girls are dressed appropriately for the event.

Bunkum

I was a teenager myself and I fully understand that they’re all exploring styles etc but I don’t appreciate the over-sexualisation of children.

I also watched plenty of Little Britain episodes and something died in me when I had to take Vicky Pollard (down to hairstyle and dark lip contour) out for champagne and oysters. If you’re all fully comfortable doing that then you’re much, much better people than I am.

OP, TBH sometimes my own DD wears things I find slightly questionable (loves Shein and Juicy) and even though it's not to my taste I have to consider that she's not a fan of my oversized dresses and drab colours (to her mind) so I don't comment she doesn't either. I was just looking at how she dressed even a few years ago and it was so different but she's growing up and trying things out for size and I dare say her style will change again as she gets older.

As for your sister, do you think if you think her change in appearance is a symptom of something more troubling then speak to her and if it's not then good for her for having the confidence to dress to please herself.

🤣 I absolutely love your honesty…… sipping champagne and eating oysters with people clearly not good enough to be around you 🤣🥂

I did think she was feeling a bit down. She put on some weight and has started having a more negative outlook on life. I was hoping that making an effort and putting the tiniest bit of make up on would cheer her up and improve her self esteem. I didn’t mean to put her down. I organised those days / evenings out because she won’t leave the house where she lives and I wanted to cheer her up. She said she drives her daughter to school in her pyjamas and then spends the rest of the day like this. I don’t think it’s healthy.

regarding the face cream, one evening I gave her a little bit of foundation which she liked and asked me to take her to the store to buy the same. The lady who matched her shade saw that her skin was a bit dry and asked her if she uses moisturiser. My sister replied ‘no, never’.