To think I need a sex-hat?

[NCobligatory]

I’ve woken up to lightly matted hair again and I find myself thinking that I don’t have the time to detangle this bird nest every time. Do I do I need a sex-hat? Is that even a thing?! How do other people avoid the nest of shame?

Plaits are helpful.
As is anti-tangle spray 😅

so did I

Get a silky pillowcase

Sex bobble, tie it up?!

Reminds me when I was a young thing and innocently asked my hairdresser why I kept getting these tangles at the back of my head…….. she told me and I was mortified lol.

This might be my favourite mumsnet post of all time. 🤣

Totally agree, @northlundunmum !

🤣🤣🤣

How long is your hair? Just tie it in a pony tail with your knickers 😂. Signal given that you need a good seeing to quite urgently and hair not in the way.

Falcons, like most birds, don't have willies. When mating, the male just brings his cloaca (all-purpose orifice) into contact with the female's cloaca, and passes her his semen in this charmingly named 'cloacal kiss'. So I guess when his partner is the hat, he just 'kisses' a bit of it and the semem goes through one or more of the little holes. BTW the word 'cloaca' is pronounced 'cloh-AY-ka' and comes from the Latin word for drain. Sorry if this post is too sexy.

Falcon sex hats are a thing. If you have a hand-reared male falcon who loves you, and you want to collect his semen for artificial insemination (to use with another falcon - falcon x human hybrids are not a thing), you put on the falcon sex hat and let him shag your head - the hat does the rest

This is exactly why I love Mumsnet. I never knew this. Now I do.

See, this was a little dull and then falcons and cloaca hats came along. Now that's interesting.
I once saw a picture of a whole load of falcons on a plane. They all had their own seat. No visible hats.

Another suggestion

You can’t be falcon serious! 😆

I hope this short video of the hat in action will be less disappointing (esp the alluring calls of the hat-wearer): https://youtube.com/shorts/gzyj82BorEA?feature=shared

Very educational. The post-coital ‘good job’ is so strange!

Ohh, get you shagging on a week night op 😊

The hair. Pps have laid out some excellent options. None are perfect, but will hopefully help. Some of the hats pictured will largely guarantee you don't end up having sex at all which would be a win for your hair.

Is your hair long? I often go with the plait solution previously suggested. A warning though that it still gets messy and looks rather more crazy than hair down, chunks poking out the sides etc. Maybe a plait + silk pillowcase is the answer? Or go on top at least sometimes! That is a hair tied back situation though if you're like me and wish to avoid giving dh the visual of being shagged by Cousin It, so you'll have to plan in advance.

Please answer something obvious... when you get up in the morning, don't you brush your hair?
Maybe brush it again before leaving the house?

Climb aboard…

I'd probably sleep in a bonnet or invest in a silk pillowcase tbh. And spray in detangler aimed at kids is fantastic at sorting this out...

This. I use a cheap detangler from a local supermarket’s kids line. It isn’t greasy (no oils or heavy silicones) and works extremely well. It’s also cheap as chips. I love it.

I have a lot of fine, wavy (sort of curly) hair which tangles very easily. The detangler has been a life saver tbh.

I also detangle my hair very diligently before every hair wash, put in some hair oil on the ends and mid lengths and brush my (dry but oily) hair very thoroughly before washing it. It has made my hair so much more manageable.

Christ on a bike, that’s informative but a bit vom-inducing. I don’t think it had ever occurred to me that birds don’t have willies (has a klaxon just gone off on the FWR board?) but I did know hens had cloacas.

He's so going to wonder why he suddenly has so many views to his video.....

Those nosies are.... interesting...

Could you cut down on the number of facials! Would that help?

Have you considered a Hollywood wax? 😁😂