Am I off my head to think I can work full time with a very young family???

[watermelonfizz]

Sorry if posted in the wrong area

I have a 9 month old and a 2.5 year old and am about to head back to my teaching job at the end of my maternity leave. I’ve been met with outrage off my teacher friends and headteacher about even considering working full time.

I went back full time after my first baby and it was hard but it worked - 2 days nursery & 3 days grandparents - worked very well so I would consider we have solid childcare.

i just feel like I am being met with so much judgement :( people making comments like I’m missing out on so much etc, will never be there for the school runs when they’re older. People questioning can I fully commit to my career and being a parent - Nobody seems to say any of these things to my dh though?

In my head I’ve always just thought it’s swings and roundabouts and you can’t have everything- I get 13 weeks off a year with them and they will always get to be with me in the school hols. My best friend for example, left teaching for a different job with more flexibility to work around school runs etc and says she couldn’t possibly miss the school run. But then she’s scrambelling around for childcare when it’s the school holidays? This doesn’t appeal to me! I’m on a good wage as i worked my way up the pay scale pre children and l can offer my children a lot in terms of experiences, holidays etc. This is how I justify it all in my head anyway

i was happy with my decision but I feel like I’m being judged and people think im a crap mum for working 5 days a week.

I thought I was lucky having good help off grandparents 3 days a week and a good nursery with my toddler loves, school holidays are all sorted because they will be with me, dh could do school drop off/pick up a couple times a week and my parents have already said they will love to help with school runs if we need help. I’ve booked for a cleaner to start a couple of hours a week when I’m back at work to help with the housework a bit. I just feel very judged and that people think I’m a crap mum and I feel so guilt ridden now :(

also with the cost of living and interest rates, the last thing I want to do at the moment is cut my earnings down and feel less secure. Our nursery fees are low as my toddler gets the 15 hours and my baby will get the 15 hours in September

Teacher here. I went back part time after my first and regretted it. I love my career but ultimately as I have a TLr I was doing full time work for 0.8 pay. After my second I went back full time-I've become much more efficient as a result. It's incredibly tiring and my husband has now decided to go part time for a bit ( I'm the main earner) and this is working so much better as I feel less stressed as before I was working full time and doing all the bulk of life/admin/ domestic burden. It's definitely doable and I love the fact that we can do so much in the school holidays. Mine are currently 2 and 4. I hope you make it work for your family!

Do whatever works for you. Screw your friends and their lovely opinions! I have a 5 year old with SEN and teach 3 days - am absolutely knackered (I study too) but that's just me!

I think when you were working full time previously, you were going out again soon on maternity leave so it’s not really the same
as having 2 children with no hope of going out on maternity leave soon. At all.

Im sure you will manage, but it was the sickness that caught us all out at that age.

The only thing that worked for me was working 4 days, one day off in the middle of the week so if they got sick, I could manage.

All the best, let us know how you get on.

Wow sorry you had to experience that! I work full time and have a 1.5 year old who’s in nursery full time and loves it. I’m solely responsible for my son basically so there wasn’t really any other option for me and I’m proud to be providing him with a good life. If anyone came at me with any kind of judgement I’d be having petty stern words with them that I’m providing my child with the best upbringing I can and quite frankly that it’s none of their business and politely, can they keep their judgement to themselves. Honestly makes me angry even thinking about that😂 Like who do they think they are and why do they think their unsolicited advice is appropriate or okay in anyway! If you looked after your children full time and went onto benefits I’m sure they’d also have plenty to say about that. I wonder if they had any comments to make about your husband going back full time (if he did) or if their judgment only extends to other women.

Were they allowed to say all that?

Is it not discriminatory?