Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

My daughter is at school nursery, we interchange school and nursery. She understands just fine.

Last school year she went to a "pre-school" they had kids from 2.5 through to those ready to start reception. Everyone leaving the preschool for whatever reason at the end of term joined in the leavers party. Everyone was celebrated regardless of what year group?!?!
The private day nursery that is near us does the same.

My daughter is at school nursery, we interchange school and nursery. She understands just fine.

Was your daughter in the position of being told she was going to "school" which was actually nursery, whilst also having friends who were going to "school" which was actually school though? That's quite an amount of double think for a 3/4 year old.

You’ve caused this mess. HE IS NOT STARTING SCHOOL.

And then they leave to go to school and within approximately 20 minutes your 3 year old has new friends in preschool room and doesn’t give a shit. At least that’s what happened with my autumn born DD in her private nursery. The idea of pulling her out and sending her to school nursery so she didn’t miss those friends is laughable to me.

Pulling him out when most of his friends are moving makes perfect sense, as presumably the school nursery class will have loads of the same kids that will be in his primary school class. Nursery school will be a little more grown up than private daycare so it will work really well as school prep.

OP is overthinking it about the private nursery, but at the same time I get that it's going to be tricky for a 3yo to understand.

My child had to sit through the "graduation" of when the bigger kids left to go to school, those kids all got to wear gowns and graduation hats and my child and similar age children who were continuing on with nursery education watched and clapped.

Then the next year when my child was actually leaving nursery education it was their turn to wear a gown and hat at their "graduation" ceremony.

If your child is still in nursery education, I don't understand why you have told them they are going to school, because they're not?

The new nursery will do your child a graduation ceremony next year when they leave nursery, well I'd assume so because I think all nurseries have jumped on that bandwagon now.

Maybe you would have liked a significant goodbye as it's been a part of your life. But your child won't remember much about the place as time goes on. It's a chapter of your life closing but I don't think you can jump the queue into the nursery graduation for your own sentimentality if you see what I mean.

I spent a long time downloading lots of nursery photos from app and made a snapfish book if that is something that would help you signify the end of the time there.

The event is for nursery leavers going to school. He can't take part in 'moving onto school' activities when he's just moving to another nursery.

I think the whole 'graduating' thing is absolutely ridiculous anyway to be honest, the kids had no choice but to go to nursery, they didn't pass or fail anything so why are they graduating? It's just probably another nonsense that's come over from the US. Where on earth do the gowns and hats come from? I'm glad it wasn't around for my son.

Yes, children 'his age' are just as much the summer born children in the year above as the autumn born children in his year.

Yeah, sorry YABU.

My DD also old in the year, but wouldn't expect this. Even if she was moving to pre-school.

Sorry, I'm with the nursery. He is not leaving to start school- he's not the right age group

I have a September born child who is now in reception and you are sounding completely unhinged.

My DD and 2 others who were born in early autumn saw their friends have a nursery "graduation". According to the nursery staff my DD was emotionally intelligent enough to tell her two friends including her "wife" that next year it would be them doing the graduation.

In September and October they were joined by 2 more autumn born kids plus a few more born in the same academic year at the nursery.

Then when she had her nursery "graduation" some of the younger kids staying for another academic year were upset, though oddly her "husband" wasn't.

The gowns are dressing up gowns and the hats are made by the nursery staff.

The kids are presented with a book of their pictures that weren't given to you and some photos of them. Plus a certificate.

I got a book from both the nursery and childminder by DD attended. Though the childminder was sensible and had no graduation simply because she can provide wrap around or random holiday care for a child she has looked after.

I regards to the certificates my DD has been getting certificates for everything in the last two years. So certifications for going to her ballet class and certificates for not being a complete pain in her holiday clubs, as well as ones in school.

In a similar situation, although my child is summer born and we are choosing to delay his school start to September 2025.

I feel exactly the same as you op - he's moving on in similar (although not identical) circumstances to the school leavers, and you want for his ending at the current nursery to be marked as it's a significant transition.

If he was staying at the same nursery it would be different, but he's not.

Wouldn't expect people not in this situation to understand (as per the responses on this thread) but I'm with you op.

Thing is you graduate due to finishing a course with the right grades.

Your children haven't reached those grades which in this case is simply being the right academic age.

It seems harsh for a 4 year old but since kids have started graduating from everything rather than having "leavers parties" and "leavers does" it had become more of a milestone that parents notice.

Also my DD's school has a nursery and they don't do graduations.

This is because the reception kids have lessons with the nursery children.

You can't graduate if next year a few times a week, with more sessions at the beginning of the school year you are going to see the same staff. The lessons are playing, being read to and music with the play sessions decreasing every term.

The problem is that your DC and OP's are just moving nursery. It's also a significant transition for children who move setting in, say, February but they don't get a ceremony.

Where does the nursery draw the line? They'll have children coming and going throughout the year. Do the DC who left in May get to come back? Do the ones who will be leaving in October get to be part of the ceremonies but come back the next day?

Like I said, I suspect my nursery would allow it but I can understand why they don't. It might not feel like it to us as parents, but to the nursery as a business there's a big difference between no longer being eligible for their service and choosing to purchase that service from someone else.

But he’s not going to school, Jeez the entitlement of people these days is shocking

OP honestly it will be fine. I moved my DS to a pre school attached to his sisters primary school and he still understood it was pre school and "big" school was the following year. He won't be confused at all

YABU

You asked, which wasn’t an unreasonable thing to do. They said no. Get over it.

It’s not discriminatory. Using ‘discrimination’ as an argument when there isn’t any just makes a mockery out of those people who genuinely do suffer discrimination.

”I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this…” - or instead you could show by example that you can’t always have what you want instead of acting entitled. The world does not revolve around you. You could do well teaching your child the same thing.

Yabu I’m afraid. It’s an assembly for leavers, which I’m assuming is like a graduation, so no he shouldn’t be taking part. You are also lying to him by telling him he is starting school when he isn’t. He’s not stupid.

Absolutely not worth arguing over. He will get his graduation at his new nursery when he goes to school. Also unfortunately he has to get used to the fact some times people do things that others don't get to do at the same time it's a gentle lesson on waiting your turn essentially. I mean if it's only for school leavers then it isn't his turn. If EVERYONE that's leaving gets to do it then that is worth bringing up with them kindly but otherwise isn't worth worrying about

He is leaving the nursery along with his current cohort, yes? So it's largely irrelevant where he's going, I think it's bizarre that the nursery wouldn't include him. These sessions are about introducing the idea of change if they are about anything more than photo opportunities and nice memories for parents and staff.

wild that there's so many people on here that give so much a shit that this child shouldn't be included because of a technicality.

He is leaving the nursery along with his current cohort, yes?
No, that's the point. He's leaving at the same time as the cohort above him because they are going to school and he's going to another nursery. Some of his friends are in the upper cohort but they are a different group.

Thanks, that's not clear. So none of the children he knows are leaving in the summer?

Well I think nursery kids wearing gowns and mortar boards, like some nurseries do, to ‘graduate’ is weird in itself 😁

He's in a room with 3 and 4 year olds a group nursery staff often call N1s and N2s. They are all in the same room but he's in the N1 group so will got to school next year whilst the N2s will go this year.

He's leaving to move to the school nursery where he thinks he's going to be with the current N2s who will be starting school but he will still be in nursery as he has another year to go. If he stayed at the current nursery he would have his leaving ceremony next year whilst the slightly younger children in his room watched as they are not old enough to go to school.

Hope that makes it clearer.