Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

He’ll get his leaver’s ceremony next year when he actually goes to school. You are being unreasonable. He’ll be so confused, so will all the other parents. We went to my daughters nursery leaving bash and they do a speech about all the little ones, wish them all the best in their new venture, they made a really big deal of it. They went through every child and said what they were good at, why they were special. It was so cute and a bit emotional. If I was another parent I’d be a bit miffed if your child had all that, when HE’S NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!

Support his friends? They are going to be playing games and having a singsong, not being packed off to the Front!

Hi, I haven’t read all the other posts so this point may have been covered. In my son’s nursery they have to do fundraising to cover the leavers ceremony and the gifts etc that they get. So I suppose if they had to incorporate another child into this the costs would increase and then there’s the risk of other parents expecting the same for their children.

When my eldest child reached his pre school year I moved him into the school nursery and explained that he was changing to the “big nursery” rather than saying he was going to school. He understood this because he had uniform etc so there are other ways it can be explained.

Urgh, when did this graduating from nursery stuff start.

We told them it was preschool and didn’t suggest to our nursery our child had to be part of leavers group as we did the same thing. Our nursery did take a photo for our kid and it was a lovely token but I wouldn’t have expected.

Calling them a jobs worth because you didn’t get your own way 😬

@FearYeTheDeadlyBisonAndItsToxicYogurt Ok maybe the language I'm using sounds age inappropriate, I don't have small kids. But then just say can he join in the games and sing songs with his friends? She obviously wants him to get to go and feels he'll be disappointed if not. So why not politely ask again?

It's not clear OP. Are you saying the whole nursery (all ages) learn the songs and sit through it, but only the leavers "graduate"? If so, it's not unreasonable for you to want your son to sit through it. But if you think he should also graduate then that's completely unreasonable.

It's not like they passed a set of exams to "graduate" ffs
Nursery "graduation" that mimics American high-school graduation is for staff primarily, then parents.
Thankfully my kids nurseries never did this mimicry
They did do a series of events for those leaving the nursery to go to school that included a singing performance, a party for the kids in nursery time and a party including parents late one afternoon. Plus certificates and photos of their time at nursery and saying good bye to all the key works they had had over the 3-4.5 years they had been there.

Given OPs DS sons age and circumstances what have the other children leaving achieved that make them more deserving of those things? Nothing.
To all intents and purposes they are all going off to different schools and just saying good bye to nursery.

I understand nursery being a bit peeved that they are losing out on a other year's fees but don't make this "graduation" into something based on merit!

Schools actively discourage parents from making the first day of school into a "thing". Take a nice photo at home (or under the school sign) by all means. Don't wheel up with 2 parents and a host of extended family.

I took DS to his first day at school, and DH took DD to her first day. That was what worked best for us from a logistical perspective. No one needs to reshuffle their life to watch a child walk into a building. There will be many more school related things that it's more important to use your leave on.

We’re telling him he is going to school too

Won't he find it incredibly confusing that he is in a different room/part of the building to his "actual school" friends, that he scarcely sees them during the day (if at all) and that they are doing different things?

You can't keep pretending he's the same school year as the slightly older children. Accepting he doesn't go to the same celebration as he's the "wrong" age, would be a good start.

His leavers moment will be next year when he goes up to school. I’m sure they’ll have a moment to acknowledge he is leaving but it’s not the same situation.

Oh come on, he won’t even know or remember that he missed out on
that assembly

I wonder why? do they explain it?

You need to look up what discrimination actually is. Lucky you if you've never experienced it.

He's not going to school. Stop saying that as others likely won't play along.

Why do schools suggest not making a massive deal of the first day with loads of extended family and photos at the school gates? Maybe to not make it sound so significant and intimidating? Fairly obviously.

Keeping it low-key and minimal fuss makes it easier.

Because your child might be scared enough without the whole family showing up for selfies and making it a MASSIVE THING. It's best to just keep it chill.

I agree with the nursery I'm afraid. He is not a school leaver, and I also think it's quite odd you are telling him he's going to school when he's not.

Not to mention everyone else's family turning up as well.

Most parents want their child to go happily and calmly into school on their first day.
This is most likely to be achieved by making it a fairly low key, unexciting event. Not by turning it into a media circus.

Have you been to visit the school nursery yet? Ours is seperate to reception, nursery and reception kids have seperate playgrounds and would have no way to interact. Just something to think about if you are telling him he will see his friends there.

Do you often lie to your child to try to make them feel better?

Because if you do, you shouldn’t.

Children need to learn to cope with the realities of life (unfairness, disapppointment, fear etc) at a young age in a safe space, so when they are older they have the right coping strategies.

I agree with this. Ours have staggered break times so won't even see each other in passing.

I'd be questioning whether he'd be better staying where he is than having to settle into a new nursery class, in a new location with new staff in a school you can't even guarantee he'll get a place at next year.

I think people are being really nitpicky here OP. He’s leaving to go to the school he will be in for his entire primary school life-whether that’s nursery or reception class. Think it’s petty and mean of them. I wouldn’t make a thing of it, it isn’t worth it. But I understand you feeling annoyed over it 💐

He might not even get a place at the school though? The fact is he's leaving to go to a school nursery which is exactly the same as any other child leaving to move nurseries. It happens all the time and doesn't warrant a long drawn out goodbye. It's different to the children leaving the setting because they are now too old and is completely comparable to the situation described by others comparing a year 6 child leaving primary school Vs any other child in another year leaving. One is fuss worthy the other is just a normal occurrence.

No he's not. He's not been accepted into primary yet

And how do we explain this to him.

I really really don't know what you mean. Surely him taking part in this leavers thing would mean he is involved in activities being done by children in the year above him, not his friends? By not taking part he is doing exactly what all his friends his own age are doing. You've confused the issue by telling him he's going to school rather than just a different nursery.