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Original poster

Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

497 replies

If123 · 28/04/2024 23:09

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 29/04/2024 10:09

There’s a ton of drama and a lot to unpack here isn’t there.

I can’t see what your DM has done wrong, she’s committed to having both and doing the driving. Why so much drama. Put child in pram, dog on lead and take both for a walk. How long is the interview….

Can you even commit to the job with no childcare in place? The interview alone is causing hassle!

Your fiancé is selfish buggering off a week of stag do fun with a six month old.

Your sister sounds unpleasant.

Are there no friends/ other family members who could assist?

SongWriter · 29/04/2024 10:10

MILhere · 29/04/2024 10:06

An hour is not a big deal.

It is. Even if times can be made, who wants to be racing around before an interview? Got so much to think about, you left without brushing your teeth, you're sweating from stress, your makeup is coming off, ... nobody needs that before an interview.

25 mins one way > take child out and settle for 10 mins > 25 mins back (subtotal: 1h)

Then anywhere from 15 mins to 1h to your actual interview

Total = anywhere from 1h to 2h travelling

🤣 You are more dramatic than the OP.

Why would you be rushing, just leave plenty of time and your make up will be fine and you’ll even manage to brush your teeth too.

Hie fo people like this get through a day?

SongWriter · 29/04/2024 10:10

How do

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:10

MILhere · 29/04/2024 10:06

An hour is not a big deal.

It is. Even if times can be made, who wants to be racing around before an interview? Got so much to think about, you left without brushing your teeth, you're sweating from stress, your makeup is coming off, ... nobody needs that before an interview.

25 mins one way > take child out and settle for 10 mins > 25 mins back (subtotal: 1h)

Then anywhere from 15 mins to 1h to your actual interview

Total = anywhere from 1h to 2h travelling

I'd be a bit irritated but if she won't have the dog in her house, the drive might be what she just has to do to make it work. Then learn and not rely on mother again.

Is there no-one else you can ask OP? I'd watch a baby for most people for the time it takes for them to go to an interview, even if they were just a neighbour I didn't know very well. (Though I would consider it poor judgement for them to leave their baby with a neighbour they don't know well).

Can your fiance get back? How far away is he? Presumably this is important for your family and he is the baby's father.

Eggplant44 · 29/04/2024 10:15

If123 · 28/04/2024 23:25

No not the first time she’s let me down, just the first time I’ve relied on her to look after my little one. Usually I don’t expect to much from her because I know she can sometimes be like this. Maybe I’m the fool for hoping she would be different when it came to being reliable for her granddaughter. I’m really struggling being on my own with the little one as my other half has been away on his stag do for the week and I’m completely exhausted. I just feel like this is the icing on the cake. Like she’s got to me when I’m already really struggling. I don’t expect a lot from her and I feel like I’ve asked for one favour and she’s let me down last second. What a fool I am.

I'd be more pissed at the partner leaving you on your own with a baby while he goes on a week long stag do.

MILhere · 29/04/2024 10:16

@SongWriter so patronising. If the interview is on the morning, yes, she may well be rushing. I don't know why people like you come on thread alien this with nothing helpful or empathetic to say.

SongWriter · 29/04/2024 10:19

MILhere · 29/04/2024 10:16

@SongWriter so patronising. If the interview is on the morning, yes, she may well be rushing. I don't know why people like you come on thread alien this with nothing helpful or empathetic to say.

OP asked for opinions do she’ll get them. I don’t know why people like you come on threads to make a big deal out of a short drive and brushing their teeth.

TwoGlasses · 29/04/2024 10:20

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

What an absolute bitch but also not surprising that the favoured child has turned out like this.

I wouldn't bother asking them to step out of your lives - just drop the rope and take a big step back yourself.

I hope your fiancés family are more supportive and kind?

Eggplant44 · 29/04/2024 10:20

sashh · 29/04/2024 06:29

Contact the place you are interviewing at and let them know your childcare has fallen through and you have to bring her with you or rearrange the interview.

I wouldn't employ someone who was already pulling that sort of cheeky fuckery before she even got the job.

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:24

Eggplant44 · 29/04/2024 10:20

I wouldn't employ someone who was already pulling that sort of cheeky fuckery before she even got the job.

Show quote history

Me either. If that's how they are starting, I'd expect it at risk of being a regular occurrence and cautiously avoid.

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:24

TwoGlasses · 29/04/2024 10:20

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

What an absolute bitch but also not surprising that the favoured child has turned out like this.

I wouldn't bother asking them to step out of your lives - just drop the rope and take a big step back yourself.

I hope your fiancés family are more supportive and kind?

Good point. Where are your fiance's family, OP? Their son is away and can't support you with his child, can they step up and take care of your baby for a short bit?

DoreenonTill8 · 29/04/2024 10:25

TwoGlasses · 29/04/2024 10:20

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

What an absolute bitch but also not surprising that the favoured child has turned out like this.

I wouldn't bother asking them to step out of your lives - just drop the rope and take a big step back yourself.

I hope your fiancés family are more supportive and kind?

This. I wonder if the sister has done this on purpose, am assuming she knew about the interview?
Like hell would I be having her to have any role in the wedding! Am surprised she and your mum aren't forcing you to have the dog as the ring bearer!

Anothnamechang · 29/04/2024 10:29

I went completely nc with my mum and it’s been great. On one hand she had the world believing via social media she had my children all of the time and we had a great relationship. In reality she consistently let me down as a child through to adulthood, gave her the benefit of the doubt and attempted to allow her to be involved with my children. Yet again, she continued to let them down, with my children asking why she clearly hates them as she has everyone else’s kids over no issues.

We cut her out of our lives completely and it’s never been more peaceful. Even my kids don’t fuss if their cousins say they’ve stayed over with her. I do still visit my dad etc, I just don’t go when she is in or he comes to me ☺️

Eggplant44 · 29/04/2024 10:34

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:24

Good point. Where are your fiance's family, OP? Their son is away and can't support you with his child, can they step up and take care of your baby for a short bit?

Show quote history

The fiance has taken off for a week. I think that demonstrates his attitude, and by extension that of his family.

PassingStranger · 29/04/2024 10:34

She's trying to help you both but generally you should honor your first commitment which was you.
You or your sister need not to rely on your mum as the only person who could help you. It's obvious.
Can't someone else help?

Kinshipug · 29/04/2024 10:34

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:24

Good point. Where are your fiance's family, OP? Their son is away and can't support you with his child, can they step up and take care of your baby for a short bit?

Show quote history

Perhaps they would, or even the fiance would have, had they had a bit of notice.

horseyhorsey17 · 29/04/2024 10:37

She's prioritising your sister over you, not the dog. But no you're not being unreasonable.

PoppyCherryDog · 29/04/2024 10:37

She’s choosing your sister over you rather than the dog over grandchild.

Id take her up on her offer to have dog at yours tbh as that’s the only option I think if you’re going to make the interview.

horseyhorsey17 · 29/04/2024 10:38

If123 · 29/04/2024 09:29

For extra context my baby is 6 months and I have never used a babysitter/ childminder or nursery before so finding one on the day would probably not be viable.
yes my other half now realises he has been a bit selfish and gone away for too long but at the time of booking he didn’t think it would be a problem. I do agree it takes the piss but he needed to make his own choice to realise that.
my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’
Of course I will not be relying on mum for childcare again and am seriously considering asking her to step back out of our lives. This is not the first time she has cancelled for the dog- she made a fuss for my wedding dress appointment and had me in tears when I was pregnant with my little one. I do feel like this could be the final straw for me. I keep on allowing this behaviour. It also wouldn’t have been a huge problem if she gave me notice she couldn’t do it but a few hours is just not enough to find an alternative.

Wow. Your sister is an absolute cow.

Gcsunnyside23 · 29/04/2024 10:39

Your sister is a bitch for that reply and I wouldn't be surprised if she has done this on purpose. Tell her not to bother with threats and just not go if that's how she feels. Your mother has shown you you're not a priority so I wouldnt make her one in future either. Can you in laws or a friend help?

horseyhorsey17 · 29/04/2024 10:41

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 29/04/2024 10:09

There’s a ton of drama and a lot to unpack here isn’t there.

I can’t see what your DM has done wrong, she’s committed to having both and doing the driving. Why so much drama. Put child in pram, dog on lead and take both for a walk. How long is the interview….

Can you even commit to the job with no childcare in place? The interview alone is causing hassle!

Your fiancé is selfish buggering off a week of stag do fun with a six month old.

Your sister sounds unpleasant.

Are there no friends/ other family members who could assist?

Oh come on, of course the mum shouldn't have agreed to dogsit if already committed to looking after a small child. Neither are hers and that's just not particularly responsible - plus you can't really take a dog to a non-doggy house. I say that as someone with two dogs!

It sounds like the Golden Child told her mum what to do (dogsit) and was prioritised over her sister - as has most likely been the case for their entire lives. Got this in my own family so it's a depressingly familiar read. I can never rely on my mum for anything either, never have been able to.

OpusGiemuJavlo · 29/04/2024 10:44

@If123 my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

"She" meaning your sister or your mum?

Either way, someone who won't be helping or turning up to your wedding unless you are "very careful" shouldn't be in your life at all.

mynameisR · 29/04/2024 10:44

YANBU she sounds like a terrible Mother. I would never ask her for another favour nor would I be doing her any in return.

KrisTheGardener · 29/04/2024 10:45

Kinshipug · 29/04/2024 10:34

Perhaps they would, or even the fiance would have, had they had a bit of notice.

Show quote history

Unless I really couldn't, I would step up at short notice for family.

Fiance doesn't need notice to know he has a small baby at home and only necessary travel for a week is justifiable. Stag dos are not necessary.

Nanny0gg · 29/04/2024 10:46

paintingvenice · 29/04/2024 09:46

The fact you are framing this as the dog is preferred to your child is dramatic and sounds a bit manipulative. Your mum has offered a compromise, I don’t know why you don’t take that- it sounds a bit like you are looking to be a martyr here.

Untrained dog + baby + unreliable mother

What could possibly go wrong?

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