Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

Sympathies OP. For now, book a sitter. She was going to be fine with your mum, who has if I read correctly never been in charge of your little one before, so she will be fine for a few hours with a qualified babysitter. I am sure your mother must be like mine anyway, and have baby rearing knowledge that is somewhat different from what is done now (solids were given way earlier when we were little). So tbh you may do better with someone with modern training.

For the longer term, you can review how much you want to relay on your DM. But first things first. Don't sabotage your potential career.

PS: if fiancé has cash for a week stag do, there is enough for a sitter or two to help restart the love of life's career.

Update:

I picked up grandma and dog and brought them to my house. She was in a mood of course that I had a made a fuss. First thing dog does is jump up on the side and eat a bread roll 😫 anyway after trying to get presentable for the interview while hearing yelling at the dog from downstairs I was feeling quite concerned at the idea of leaving for the interview. Ended up leaving late and being in a rush. Interview does not go that well unsurprisingly as I was worried the entire time about what would be unfolding at home. Get back and my mum complains that daughter has had an explosive poo (like she has done it to be inconvenient). I then suggest maybe it’s time for the dog to be returned home to let me sort the baby out and my mum gets very defensive about the dog and me rushing them out and threw my house keys in my face in front of the baby which of course causes tears. I am some done with it all I asked her to apologise and said I didn’t want that sort of example for my child. She refused to apologise. It’s left me thinking maybe she doesn’t deserve a relationship with her grandchild. I have no idea how I go forward from here. I would be sad to have to ask her not to come to my wedding but I really can’t have a repeat of this or be let down last minute on my wedding day. What a total nightmare. I really don’t want my little one being excited to see her in the future and being let down like how she has treated me.

Jesus. So much drama. How old are you all? 12?

Gosh, OP....
I sympathise but really - "I was worried the entire time about what would be unfolding at home". What exactly would be unfolding at home that would warrant thinking about during a job interview for a perfect job? Your baby is 6 months old and would be safely in her own usual crib/bed.
You seriously need to get yourself together, it would do you no favours long term to react so strongly to such mundane situations.
Hope the interview went better than you thought and you will get the job!

Were the dog and your baby kept separate by your DM?

@If123 your fiancé has let you down more than your mum. She agreed to look after your daughter and your sister's dog at the same time. Meanwhile, your fiancé has gone on a piss up with his friends for a week, blowing family money on a lad's holiday and leaving you alone with a 6 month old baby. He sounds so selfish. Is he 20 years old??

It would probably depend on the size of dog. A large dog like a giant schnauzer would probably be ok, but a small dog like a pug could die.

OP, this sounds shit

we all have unfolding home life dramas that are hard to depict in a few posts. I hope you are doing ok despite all the upset.

i hope your in laws are supportive, i hope your DH has full insight on the dynamics with your DM and DS and that together you can make decisions about the wedding that ensures you have a good time.
I took the path of not ever being reliant on family help - i see them on my terms only, and this has helped keep a bit of the peace, at the expense of a lot of other things.

good luck for your next interview if this one does not work out. Well done for getting on with it.

We recently had to take our cocker to the vet she ate about 15g of raisins - one of those tiny kids packets. The vet said some dogs it wouldn’t bother them but some it does - cost £90 to make her sick.
on the other hand a lot of years ago our dog ate the top tier of my wedding cake that I was saving for my 1st baby’s christening 🤦‍♀️
we didn’t know then that raisins etc were poisonous and he just got a good telling off. He was fine though ☺️

Doesn't sound like an overreaction at all. The dog sounds completely put of control. And 6 month olds do not in fact sleep all day long.

"Doesn't sound like an overreaction at all. The dog sounds completely put of control. And 6 month olds do not in fact sleep all day long."

You are right, the 6-month old would be probably rolling around on the floor with the dog that's chewing hot-cross buns and pissing about.

So not a great day then!

I do think you've been a bit too OTT about the dog, you obviously don't like it or don't like dogs full stop, and you've made that blatantly obvious to your mum and sister, so what if it nicked a bread roll off the side?.. our rescue lurcher can't be left unattended in our kitchen if there's food about, otherwise he'd nick it, it's quite normal dog behaviour for some of them, you just learn to put things away or keep the dog out of the kitchen.. it's really not the end of the world.

I understand you're upset about your mum agreeing to also look after the dog, it wasn't fair on you, but for this one off I don't see why you couldn't have just let them get on with it and then not bothered asking again. Chucking her out as soon as you got home was a bit rude, and then she was rude back, everything seems to have been blown out of all proportion IMO.

I wouldn't use this as a reason to not invite her to your wedding though.

Well yeah? 6 month olds do roll around and the dog isn't toilet trained.

Why would you spend an interview worrying about whats unfolding at home? You know this isn't a normal level of anxious right?

I also think you’ve been a bit OTT.
Sometimes (often) life doesn’t go to plan.

how did your DM get home?

im the grandma in this situation and also have 2 daughters. It’s really hard when both of them need you at the same time. All 3 of us usually find the best way to sort it amicably. I can’t imagine either of them sending that nasty message your sister sent you.
i hope you get the job and I can understand why you are upset. The last thing you need before an interview is stress when you’re already stressed enough. Just chalk it up to experience there’s nothing you can do about it now.
As far as your partner is concerned obviously this was something you both agreed to - don’t make the same mistake twice

OP, sorry to hear that it didn't go well. I am not sure why you are getting such a hard time on here. If the first thing the dog done was jump on the side and steal food it doesn't sound like it is under control. Likewise it sounds like it could easily hurt a 6 month old if not watched like a hawk. I would be worried about it especially if there was loads of noise while you were still in the house.

With regards to the stag do, yes not ideal, but not his fault your mother decided to help your sister at the last moment despite you asking first. I think this is the tip of the iceberg perhaps with how you have been treated and you don't have to share it all with anyone else.

Try and have a little bit of me time tonight once your baby is asleep and make sure when he is back you get time to yourself. It will also give you a chance to reflect on the situation and how you feel moving forward.

That’s unnecessarily bitchy.

I don’t think she’s choosing anybody over anybody: she’s trying (badly) to help you both.

I do think though that the dog could be left for an hour or whatever while she drives to pick up your baby and take her back to her house (and the dog). You then pick up from her house at the end of the day.

Seems like a compromise?

None of this would have ever happened with a cat... just saying.

🤣

I wouldn't be asking her not to come to the wedding but certainly I would let things go quiet. Plan for her to be there but with a back up plan if she or your sister don't attend - you have enough on your plate without being held to ransom which is already happening judging by your sisters' comments.
The interview has been and gone so don't dwell on it, or your mum or your sister!! You deserve better so rise above it. I strongly suspect that if you keep quiet and under the radar that or the other of them will be contacting you on some pretext or another.
Your sister has a badly behaved dog and I suspect your Mum isn't too keen on looking after that either!! Not your monkey, not your circus!!
As for fostering a relationship between your mum and your daughter - just wait and see - don't burn any bridges but equally let her make the overtures. I get the impression that your sister forced the issue on your mum regarding the dog and probably put your mum in a difficult position - what was she doing that was so important on a day that you had already asked your mum to cover?? Is there a backstory here between you and your sister? Is she jealous of you and your forthcoming wedding? Whether they both attend or not - don't let it spoil your big day. There will be enough going on that you should be able to lose them into the background and have a lovely time with your future DH.

It sounds like you have come from a very dysfunctional family.

The Sister's dog is an untrained pain in the arse, and dogs definitely take after their owners.

The Grandmother sounds unpleasant- it's to find dealing with explosive poo hard, but at least it's a baby- some children aren't potty trained before nursery, and that really is gagsville.

Maybe cool the relationship a bit with them.