Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

Wow, I don't agree at all with the people who say OP is being dramatic. The mother committed to babysit on a specific date and is now completely changing what she agreed to do. She is going back on her word and that is not ok. She IS choosing the sister over OP, because she broke her commitment to OP in favor of a last-minute request by OP's sister. In addition, the mother offering to bring the dog to OP's house, or to take the baby to the dog's house, as the only possible ways to babysit the baby, are not acceptable ways for the mother to meet her commitment here. She's basically saying that she will dogsit no matter what, but that she'll only babysit if she can also dogsit. Again, she's breaking her original commitment to babysit, in favor of a subsequent thing she should have never committed to. When Sister asked Mother to dogsit, Mother should have said, "Sorry, I can't, I already have a prior commitment."

In addition, this is an untrained and undisciplined dog around a six month old baby. That is an inappropriate combination and Mother should have never agreed to it. Nor is OP being dramatic or unreasonable for not agreeing to it.

Not true.
Some dogs are killed by eating just a couple of raisins or grapes, especially if the dog is small.

Hot cross buns are generally full of raisins.

My friend’s dog as a puppy ate cakes with raisins in that a builder left at floor level on a bag

That was several hundreds of pounds.

Grapes and raisins can cause kidney failure in some dogs.

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

Your sister sounds fucking charming. Not sure that I'd be wanting her at my wedding after that message.

I can't help wondering if there's an element of deliberate sabotage here. Actually letting you down at the last minute on purpose to make it impossible for you to find an alternative and thereby ruin your chances of getting the job. Would your mother do that do you think?

At the very least it's blatant favouritism. She's not chosen the dog over her grandchild, she's chosen your sister over you. And your sister saying if you're not careful she won't help with your wedding is really nasty. Loving families do not treat each other like that.

Obviously you now know to never rely on your mum for childcare again. I'd be putting some distance between you and your mum and sister. And I'd be very wary of letting them get too involved with the wedding because that will give them another opportunity to sabotage you.

So did you just not go to the interview?

I know people similar to this, cut off their noses to spite their faces type.

She didn't pick a dog over her grandchild. She changed the drop off location.

Can you book a sitter? It’s always good to have a reliable sitter to hand.

Take your daughter to your Mom and go to the interview. Leave your house with enough time to go there and get back. You are being inconvenienced, yes, but should you give up an opportunity that you really want? That's up to you.

@If123 Did you get a solution to be able to make your interview?

I’m sorry but your mum must be horrible, it’s not like she’s letting you down over a night out or a trip to the hairdressers, it’s a job interview! And if she’d rather look after a dog than her own grandchild then I’d leave her to it, but I wouldn’t have much to do with her after that.

I’ve met some selfish inconsiderate people in my time but this takes the biscuit!

I know right?

How very dare you expect that mom should stand by her commitment to you, when My Wants should take precedence. I should be able to get her to renege on whatever arrangements she makes with you, and I should be able to do it at the last minute and mess up your plans. You need to be very careful to be my doormat or else I won't show up for your special day.

Emotional manipulation. Ugh.

YAY

im like so skibidi sigma like lowkeyyyyyyyyy

Yay? Like a happy yay at that?

Is it possible to have them put down?

Your sister sounds like a nasty bully that your mum panders to. Shame on both of them. I would be very upfront about how let down you feel and the unnecessary stress they caused you before your interview due to a last minute plan change.

I hope you found a solution and the interview went well.

COMPLETELY agree with all of this. You've saved me a lot 9f typing!

Hope you found a way to get to the interview, OP!

Hope you got to the interview OP, your sister sounds charming. I’d be responding saying she isn’t welcome to the wedding and to stop being a lazy cow and train her disgusting dog.

I’d be so upset by this and wouldn’t be asking my mum to babysit ever again.

Are you saying you'd leave a six month old baby in the care of someone who clearly does not prioritise, them in a house with a destructive untrained dog?

Hoping the interview went well!

A radical suggestion:
Take your baby with you.
Obviously ask beforehand. Explain that your husband is away (don’t say why) and you mother had agreed to have your baby, but has let you down. This obviously won’t be an issue when doing your job, as you will have proper childcare in place. If I worked there then I would be fine with that. I’d happily look after a baby for half an hour to a hour while you had an interview.

You could offer that or to reschedule.

She’s choosing your sister over you not the dog. But to be fair, you wouldn’t have this problem if your DH didn’t go away on a week long jolly!

Genuinely think that this is probably the worst idea I have ever had. An Interview is where you present yourself, first impression of childcare falling through does not bode well for the future.

I haven't read all the replies but has she seriously threatened you with non attendance at your wedding? I'd be cancelling her invite. Bloody cheek of her.

All of this!

I would start by messaging sister back saying

“Hi X, thanks for your message. I don’t need any ultimatums thanks. If you’d like to come to the wedding and help that’s a bonus but I’ll get on just fine if you choose not to. Your choice.”

And to mum:

“Hi mum, I’m a bit disappointed that the plans we made have changed the night before my job interview which I’d told you about 2 weeks ago. Is there a reason Sister’s last minute request took priority over our plans?”