Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

@If123 Your sister has a completely untrained dog by the sounds of it.

Id not want a dog like that around a 6month old baby.

No wonder you are fed up
And I say that as a dog owner AND parent.

Agreed.
It will be raisins that caused the expensive vet bill- My own dog stole a bunch of grapes 🍇 as a puppy and I caught her with them - £280 at vets - emetic and charcoal and blood tests.

vet didn’t even see grapes in the vomit so puppy may have only mouthed the grapes.

Grapes and raisins are dangerous for some dogs.

Dogs do need training not to steal.

I agree with @Underthemagnificentbeechtree Even without any further details, YANBU to feel let down that you gave your mum 2.5 weeks notice, she agreed, then she told you at 10pm the night before your interview that she'd now agreed to look after a dog at the same time. She should have said to your sister that she couldn't look after the dog because she'd already agreed to look after her granddaughter.

You're between a rock and a hard place here. You absolutely should not cancel your interview. You said it yourself - you've already had to give up one job because of parenting responsibilities. This new job will be the hours that make life workable for all of you, and it will make life easier in the long run. Ask your mum to keep the dog in the crate (I know you said she had already said that would be cruel to the dog, but how long will your interview take, including travel time? 2-3hrs? The dog will cope.) or at least in a different room to the child. Hope for the best, go the interview, and be brilliant. In future, accept that you'll need to pay for babysitting in some form if you need additional childcare, whether that's a childminder, ad hoc babysitter, friend, whatever.

She doesn't sound like a drama queen at all, she sounds like someone who's annoyed that her sister's dog has been prioritised over her own child. She asked her mum well in advance to do a favour, her mum agreed, then at the last minute went back on that. I'd have been bloody annoyed by that too. Most of us have been in a position where we've been let down by childcare, and it's left us in a tight spot, and it's not 'being dramatic', it's highly annoying. I couldn't let my own mum look after my kids, because the one time I did allow it (her idea and not mine), she bailed out on me to play golf, meaning I had to call in sick to work as it was too late to organise anything else. Never asked her again after that. Sometimes mums can be selfish and thoughtless - who knew eh?

I've got two dogs and any dog that shits and pisses in the house, and breaks into cupboards, is an untrained dog. Not suitable for being round kids. I know this is Grandmas Can Do No Wrongs Net rather than Mumsnet these days but come on.

the interview was today

did you make it OP or postpone or cancel?

It’s not about the dog. If your mum had agreed to watch the dog first then that would be fine. She agreed to watch your daughter first and that is what she should do. She sounds very unreliable and I wouldn’t be asking her for any favours in the future.

The dog doesn’t shit or piss inside though? The OP certainly hasn’t said as much.

Yeah she has. She said in her last post that it's not toilet trained.

One could also see it that the mum is trying to help the sister with an actual job along side the one with an interview for a possible job?

The mum has said she will look after both, she hasn’t let the OP down. The OP is the one with the issue- therefore it is the OPs problem

People keep saying this, but if the Mum’s choices mean she can’t provide adequate, safe, hygienic care for her grandchild, she’s effectively opted out of doing it at all, as the OP, being a responsible parent, has to find alternatives or cancel her interview.

The OP's mother is prioritising caring for the dog over caring for her DGC. She's made it clear that she is caring for the dog whatever happens and that she will only care for her DGC too if the OP will take her to where the dog is and accept any resulting risk.

@If123 This is very familiar to me. I was the scapegoat and my sister is the golden child. It used to upset me a great deal. Very similar things happened to me on the rare occasion I asked my parents to help with childcare.

In the end I realised that I didn't have to allow this horrible imbalance to cause me distress. A few years ago I stepped back somewhat and made peace with a situation I recognised I don't have the power to change. I no longer allow myself to be the scapegoat or the person who is expected to drop everything immediately every time my DM needs something. It's quite liberating.

Don't miss the interview. Just drive to your sister's house. It's not ideal but also not the end of the world.

It's not 'offering a solution' suggesting that a six month baby and a feral untrained dog can be looked after simultaneously. The OP's mum has clearly used the dog as an excuse to bail out of looking after her grandchild.

Interesting to see how many people on here think that's OK, says a lot really.

The OP's mum has clearly used the dog as an excuse to bail out of looking after her grandchild.

in which case it’s a blessing this happened and i’d feel relieved that i hadn’t left my very young baby in the sole care of someone like this

They’d have to eat an awful lot more than you’d find in a hot cross bun.

I thought it was uncertain and differs for each dog?

It's not a blessing as it's left her in the shit before her interview. You'd think you could rely on your own mother not to do this - but no. You can't.

Not true. It varies from dog to dog and different dogs react differently - some are fine and others are not. There's no way of predicting it though.

Yes but even if it meant missing an interview

my baby’s safety comes first

so i’d be disappointed re interview but relieved that i hadn’t left her with her

That would be me done with her in future. I would not ask nor expect anything from her, and she would get the bare minimum from me as a daughter.

Same. Reading this thread - and seeing certain people on here minimising the mother's behaviour, presumably because they'd treat their own children in the same way - is actually quite triggering for me.

it doesn’t look like the mother would be too bothered about this

a trigger for what?

The main problem on my opinion is the short notice. Once committed that's what you do.

Unpleasant feelings/memories.