Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

Why do PP keep saying to take the baby to where mum is dog sitting? The dog is so badly trained it can't be left in its own house and is shitting and pissing everywhere and breaking into cupboards to poison itself.

I'd think it deeply inappropriate to leave a 6 month old there with only that animal and a person so blase about the dog's disgusting behaviour - I would not trust that the mum is going to adequately supervise the both of them and ensure they are never alone together (or that the poor baby isn't going to roll round in a puddle of dog piss).

Agree - it's quite astounding how many people think the perfect solution to this issue is to put an untrained dog in the same room as a six month old baby.

OP, I get that you are upset but you need to focus on what you want to achieve here.

Get your child to your mother, nobody will die, you will attend your interview. It will be over in 2 hours, you will pick up the baby who will be absolutely fine, and then everything can be put behind.

For God's sake, 10 pages. How do you think others attended interviews whose mums don't even live in the same country? There was no one to moan about, we just had to make it work, and we did.

Some of you really should be writing fiction. OP says the dog isn’t trained - that could mean anything not necessarily that it’s incontinent. So it ate a hot cross bun? The vet’s visit was a complete over reaction, it would have been fine. It’s just a bloody dog . Some babies live with them 24/7.

‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

Wow!

I'd feel like answering "OK".

I guess if your sister gets the hump your mum won't go to the wedding either?

Shame it took this happening to you for your fiancé to realise that maybe a week away wasn't the best idea.

This thread is infuriating! The fiancé being away on his stag is irrelevant really. He could equally have a day of surgery planned or be a classroom teacher who can’t just take a day off. The OP doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the fact that he’s away - a week may be excessive for some but maybe he got a cheap deal? It’s not really the point!

Anyway, hopefully she’s also getting to have some fun for her hen at some point.

The key points are

1. one-off childcare has been arranged with 2 and a half weeks’ notice and kindly(!) agreed to by OP’s Mum.

2. at 10pm, OP was informed that the only way this agreement could be upheld was for a disaster dog to be present when OP’s Mum is babysitting, either at her own house or her sister’s - this is clearly not enough time for fiancé to cut the trip short, and even if it was it would still be crap to force someone to cut a trip short so you can agree to a last-minute dog sitting request.

People are fixating on the two options:
25 minutes’ drive / put the wedding stuff away, but in reality it sounds like the OP doesn’t feel comfortable with the combo of her baby with the dog and only her Mum to supervise.

It’s really not fair and she’s letting you down badly.

Yeah probably by responsibility arranging childcare with someone in advance, which the OP did!

That's some wildy irresponsible advice!

TBF OP I'd be really annoyed if I was you.
Your DM should have told your DS that she was looking after your little one and your DS should have respected it and worked out something else instead of you having to.

Unless a distance away surely your interview would have only taken a few hours so the dog would have been fine at home for that time and your DM could have gone there and seen to it once you were back home.

Where has it been said the dog is untrained?

Edit found it - but is it really untrained or is the Op being a drama queen?

Yeah probably by responsibility arranging childcare with someone in advance, which the OP did!
Underthemagnificentbeechtree

And the OP still has childcare offer. Not idea but it will work. She can take it or miss out on a job and keep complaining about everyone around her: her fiancee, her mother, her sister, the dog - instead of being an adult and taking care of herself, her interview and her baby. For which she still needs help.

No it’s realistic.

It's understandable that you are upset at your mum letting you down at such short notice. Don't make things worse by focusing on her priorities or how your sister trains her dog. Your mum did suggest a couple of solutions, although they're not ideal in difficult situations you have to consider everything. I think in future you will not rely on your mother and she is the one who will miss out.

YANBU to be upset - your mother has done a very shitty thing. But I'd not miss the interview, I'd drop daughter off, pick her up and then never ask mum to do a favour like this again. I'd also communicate (after the interview) how shitty this is and the consequences for you.

Of course I will not be relying on mum for childcare again and am seriously considering asking her to step back out of our lives.

You don't ask for your DM's permission for her to step out of your life....you take control and make that decision to not have her in it.

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

Wow.... "You need to be careful"
If it was my DS that said that I'd be replying "fine if that's how you feel, it'll free up an invite for another guest"

By the sound of things they're two people that contribute very little towards your life but want a big say in how you run it.

@BIossomtoes

From one of OP's posts - "I hate that my sister didn’t bother training the dog and let’s it run wild and not be toilet trained etc"

Unless the OP expects the dog to use the toilet, I would hazard a guess that the dog not being toilet trained means it is pissing and shitting inside.

It's really bad your mum has let you down at the last minute. I think it's an absolute cheek. Don't do her any favours and back away.

Been in this situation many times. My DPs recently prioritised Dsis dog over seeing their oldest DGC on his 18th. They've dog sat many times more than babysat my DC over the yrs & of course DSis is the golden child. It hurts but pointlessness getting upset, I just go LC with them every so often, as do our DBs who are treated the same.

Raisins can cause kidney failures in dogs, I wouldn't say a vet visit for eating them is an over reaction?

1. Why can't we take what the OP says in good faith?
2. The dog broke into her cupboard at her house and ate currants in the form of a bun, which can be life-threatening for dogs and needed an expensive trip to the vets. That's not ideal behaviour, is it?

I honestly don’t think she is prioritising anyone over anyone else- I think she is trying to please everyone.

I don’t think we can take what she says in good faith because she sounds like a drama queen. “My mum has picked a dog over her grandchild”…errr no she bloody hasn’t. She’s chosen to help her sister as well as her and this isn’t good enough for the OP. It all reads like drama and therefore when she is talking about the dog I expect the say degree of exaggeration has gone on there.

Wow, I'm so sorry, as a child I wasn't the "favourite" of either parent. Both as a child and an adult my mother has let me down in numerous ways, some far more serious than others.
There needs to be a line though and your mum has crossed this now - she has let down your child.
As for your sister, preaching to the choir on that one too. She doesn't want to come to the wedding, well thanks, the trash took itself out there.
I'm a mum myself and posts like these break my heart cause I could never ever imagine making my DS feel the way my mum or sister has over the years.
I think you know what needs to be done here, create a void there between yourself and both of them. Call the place you are interviewing at to see if you can rearrange due to childcare issues, most places are flexible with situations like yours.
Good luck x

i would say she is choosing to help your sister, not persay the dog. but either way i would be fuming as you did give notice and now all of a sudden its not happening, is the dog not friendly with children? could she put the dog in the kitchen till you are done with the interview? i have a gsd and a cocker both great with children but when i have my nieces or nephews round i put the gsd in the kitchen (very jumpy) then when they go i let him back in. its not a massive ordeal but seems like they are making it impossible for you to do this interview.

I am usually often on the side of GP's, but in this case I am on your side, OP. Especially as it's an important engagement, and you gave her so much notice. I would move heaven and earth to help you in this situation.