To think I can hide this?

[Itstimeforbaileys]

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

I expected it to be 'Naked and riding on a donkey' after the Virgin Mary references.

I would honestly call off sick at the last minute for the spa. It’s for too complicated a situation to keep the pregnancy secret. It will be so stressful and you might have to lie on paperwork which isn’t a good idea at all.

'Forget' to pack your swimsuit and towel .

I agree with others about cancelling the spa day. I didn't tell people at work until 24 weeks (but I was on holiday for weeks 21-23) but that was with winter clothes and mostly working from home anyway. I don't think it would have been possible to hide it in swimsuit and also harder to hide it from family who know you well.

As others have said, I think concealing your pregnancy in a robe would be easy, as would avoiding certain treatments. You can just say there are specific treatments you want, which wouldn’t leave time for the things you can’t have anyway. But being seen in a swimming costume would surely make your pregnancy obvious, especially to your Mum. I would maybe just try and keep very busy with other things, so when the pool/sauna/jacuzzi time came, you were off having a pedicure or needing the toilet of something. I wouldn’t fake illness, because that might draw attention to you. Just be happy, smiley, breezy, busy doing whatever is safe for you and involves keeping your robe on!

Could you not arrange a private scan OP? I’ve had a number of unsuccessful pregnancies for similar reasons and I’ve found the investment in NIPT and regular private scans have given me some control over otherwise uncontrollable situations. Wishing you all the best with this one xx

Hi OP - hope your pregnancy is going well.

I think you need to decide what usurps the other - the spa day or the scan, as you just simply won't be able to conceal your pregnancy in a swimming cossie. Also there will inevitably be 'weird' behaviour - not going in the steam room or hot tub together etc.

If the spa day usurps the scan you will need to tell DM & SIL
If the scan usurps the spa day - then don't go.

If you go to the spa day, I guarantee your DM & SIL will know. Do you think they will ask you? Of course if you are OK with that - fine. All you need to say is 'Yes. Please don't tell anyone as we haven't had the 20 week scan to see how it's going.'
If you don't think they are tactful enough to leave it at that and keep a secret, genuinely, just don't go.

If the scan goes OK, I would just tell people ASAP - particularly the family members who will be at the wedding. You won't be stealing limelight (potentially you would if you told them on the day). No one will care about a pregnant lady at a wedding that only 6 other people know.

I also had a TFMR with my first pregnancy. With my second, it was pointless me trying to hide it as I had an obvious bump at 10 weeks. I also thought I'd be asked a million questions but they didn't. Everyone was very excited, believing the same couldn't happen twice. For me the 1% chance sounded high...
It's entirely your choice but if you go to the spa there's a chance they could find out. So maybe tell them both but ask they keep it secret for now, reassure them things are going good so far and you'll know more from 20 weeks.

Wishing you a peaceful pregnancy ❤

Not wearing a swimsuit at a spa - if this is even allowed - is going to attract far more attention than having a bit of a tummy.

The usual way it works is that everyone changes into their swimwear and then puts a robe on whenever they are not actually in the water or in the sauna or steam room.

I'm not sure you'd even be allowed in to the spa area without a swimsuit on.

Spas provide towels and most will have a selection of overpriced swimwear on sale in the lobby for just this reason.

If you have the money I wonder if you should just book a private scan for a day or so before the planned spa day to check if everything is in order and if it is then you can be more relaxed about telling them your news if you feel you aren’t getting away with it on the spa day. You’ll likely need to declare you’re pregnant on forms you fill in for any treatments so if you want them to be discrete it might be worth letting the spa know that in advance.

sorry for your loss with your previous pregnancy.

I'm currently a bit of a porker due to long covid and too much chocolate. I bought this recently and it is the most flattering swimsuit ever. I think it would be great at disguising a small baby bump. Definitely size up because there are several layers of fabric across the front and so there’s less stretch than usual. (Sorry if someone has already suggested this one, I’ve only skimmed the thread).

I do agree with a PP that the black one with the ruffles might actually draw more attention to that area - it almost makes the model look pregnant.

https://www.forluna.co.uk/product-page/emerald-green-retro-swimsuit

Pop into the sauna for 2 min then say you don't really like it - too crowded/too hot.
That won't raise your core temp

Same with Jacuzzi, get in then say oh the smell of chlorine is so strong or someone's foot touched mine, I think I'll have a swim instead

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, OP. Congratulations on your current pregnancy.

To all the well meaning posters recommending private scans instead. I've had many, many private scans at different gestations and all have said very plainly that they are not a substitute for the full NHS anomaly scan. With private scans, you get 10 minutes with a sonographer having a very quick look for obvious problems. The NHS scan is circa 30 minutes long and very, very detailed. Given OP's history - the private scan understandably won't cut it.

PP's idea re bringing anomaly scan forward is great. Best of luck OP!

i have a swimsuit from Sainsbury’s with a loose dress at the front to cover my menopausal bulge, it hides it really well, it was about £20

Lots of people don't have that warm relationship with their mums. I would never talk to my DM about anything remotely personal.

And I think OP is avoiding telling her mum because she will then fuss and add stress which OP doesn't need. She's not telling her BECAUSE she's her mum

OP

Honestly, in your shoes, if you really feel you can't let your mum down, I would plant a seed of not feeling very well a couple of days before, then go to the spa but limit what you do based on that. Tell them you are happy to be together, maybe have a gentle massage and lounge around with a book, but that you aren't up for swimming/sauna etc because you feel nauseous and have a bit of an upset tummy (or whatever)

Later on, if you (hopefully) find out all is well, they will realise why you fibbed or you could even stick with the story that you felt unwell.

Good luck with everything.

@Itstimeforbaileys I would check with the spa what treatments you can do. Presumably massages etc. are out too because you can't lie on your stomach.

I never showed, not even at term with all three. At twenty weeks no one would have noticed a thing. Only you know whether you're showing or not.
At 40 weeks I was rushed to hospital with anaphylaxis. I was taken straight to see a doctor in A&E. They asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I couldn't speak. DH answered, "yes." They asked when I was due, DH replied, "Saturday."

My leaving present when I started maternity leave with DD was a facial at a hotel spa. It was very enjoyable, so you could probably do this, and maybe a pedicaure and foot massage.

I'll be honest and reckon that the other will probably be able to work out why you aren't taking part in some of the other treatments/activities or they will notice if you do get into a swimming costume.

Good luck for a successful pregnancy.

Hi OP,

So sorry to hear about your previous pregnancy, and I completely understand why you're cautious about sharing your latest news until you're ready.

If it helps - I go on lots of spa days with my friends and I never take my robe off.

I have a cossie on underneath, but I only ever swim on holiday in warm outdoor pools, so no one bats an eyelid when I read my book on the lounger and on the sofas.

My hair hates steam rooms, I don't like jacuzzis, but I love chatting and tea with my friends, so it's perfect for me and no one cares 😍

hard to say without seeing photos and before pregnancy photos.
If you feel there is a risk of MIL/SIL noticing then just blame really bad period and stay in gown.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say don’t buy any swimsuits with ruffles, skirts etc, unless they’re the sort of thing you would normally wear. In the nicest possible way, if this is your third pregnancy then you’ve more likely than not not got abs of steel. I go to the spa relatively frequently with lots of different mum friends and my first thought if one of them was carrying a little weight on her tummy would not be ‘oh she must be pregnant’. And I definitely would not be asking her even if I thought she was - firstly, because if she wasn’t it would be absolutely mortifying, and secondly, because I’d assume that if she was she’d have told me if she wanted me to know.

It sounds like your reasons for not wanting people to know are not that you need it to be a big secret, but more that you don’t want to discuss it. In which case, unless your family and friends are spectacularly rude, they will keep quiet even if they suspect.

Perhaps think up a handy excuse or two for not going in the steam room / sauna in case people do ask - some people might not immediately equate that with ‘she might be pregnant’ but if you act like a rabbit in the headlights when asked they might think about it harder! I personally hate them with a passion and overheat easily, so that’s an easy one, unless you are known for being a sauna lover! Or just nip in for a minute or so, then declare yourself too hot and leave.

Completely understand your reasons for waiting to tell people. I did the same after dd died, and was very nervous about my next pregnancy. Can you get a ruffly swimsuit to cover yourself a bit? It really depends on what your body shape is. In my first pregnancy I didn’t show at all until 24 weeks, in my second it was more obvious and definitely would have been in a swimsuit.

Spa - you can’t do much when pregnant so ‘looking’ pregnant is the least of your issues I’m afraid. I didn’t really show until after the scan - was still in normal clothes etc.