Was I out of order

[YouwouldthinkIhavemoresense]

Yesterday I was at a football match and at a stadium. It was heaving and I have never been to a stadium, or indeed a football match, before.
Had my children with me. One of each sex. Just me to add. No other adults.

Anyway, took my youngest to the female toilet with me just before half time. Two men ( or at least I thought they were) - entered as well. Both very masculine looking and dressed very sporty with very short/ shaved haircuts.

So me being me, said quite nonchalantly to one of them “ this is the ladies “… just that.

One of them responded with “ we ARE female “
I apologised for my mistake and thought that was it.

Well, with that, there was then a tirade of passive aggressive behaviour/ comments from both of them: it was all very unpleasant. They even spoke to each other loudly about me whilst in the cubicles.

I then bumped into them whilst washing my hands and they continued to goad me- staring at me, laughing, telling each other to “ calm down” and “ that I wasn’t worth it” , commenting on my face/ appearance.
It was horrid. And all this time I had my child with me.

AIBU in feeling uncomfortable or was my initial reaction really that provoking?

Preparing to be flamed 😬

Yes you were out of order and very rude .

I absolutely did apologise. Immediately.

But there was absolutely no need for OP to comment in the first place?

There was: she thought 2 blokes were in the ladies’.

You made two women feel like shit, so they made you feel like shit.

But they weren't blokes, so what she thought is pretty irrelevant, really.

I can't imagine many people on here would be happy if some random stranger told them off and accused them of being men

If the toilets were empty and they were just going about their business was there any need to comment?

I’ve used the men’s at big music venues before with a highly female dominated audience because there was no queue and I was desperate!

You should have kept your mouth shut in the first place.

So pretty much basically how you acted in the toilets then 🤣

They were very wrong to behave like this. The thing is that they were absolutely aware that they did look masculine and did an effort actually to look like this so however wrong you were they couldn’t pretend that it was impossible mistake to make.
My DD has disability and people often do different assumptions about her unintentionally, just out of lack of experience. If they say sorry after being corrected I consider the matter closed.

If a woman has a very butch look, she is daft to think she’ll never be taken for a bloke.

(I am a tall woman with short hair and it happens to me occasionally.)

Whatever you think of her behaviour in the toilets your comment was unacceptable.

You can mistake someone for a man without needing to make a comment about it, though. And if you do comment (and get it wrong) you can hardly be surprised when you're called out on it.

From their viewpoint, they were minding their own business in the toilets when a random stranger made a snap judgement and decided she needed to make a comment about their personal appearance.

OP's behaviour was completely unnecessary.

Ah op, that’s a bit embarrassing for you. But you shouldn’t have to ‘mind your own business’ in general about not wanting males in female bathrooms. On this occasion you made a mistake, all you can do is apologise and move on.

OP wasn’t commenting on their appearance, she was mistaking them for men, in the ladies’ loos. Politely challenging men in women’s toilets is totally acceptable and if these women cared about single sex spaces/ the safety and dignity of other women and girls, they’d have been fine with it.

Op ignore the people looking for a row 🙄

You made a mistake, you apologised. The way they treated you in front of your child was appalling.

But yes you do need to be careful around gender.

Best to just say nothing nowadays. World’s gone mad

I'd have said something if I thought they were male. Then I'd have laughed it off, Oh sorry girls left my glasses at home. I'd not have expected anything more than a bit of a grumble or a daft old cow comment back. They took it way too far, especially given they did actually look like blokes.

They weren't men. She was out of order.

She made a mistake, for which she apologised. The women should have left it there.

Of course she was - telling a woman they look like a man is the very definition of commenting on their appearance.

I also don't think it's particularly polite to comment on anyone's appearance - especially when they're minding their own business and not bothering you in any way.

So, women present themselves as men, and get offended when a person assumes they are male? They really want it all, don't they?

This is a strange thread.

@peakygold Don’t they just and it’s just an excuse to bully the OP

They didn't "present themselves as men" though they were just being!