Was I out of order

[YouwouldthinkIhavemoresense]

Yesterday I was at a football match and at a stadium. It was heaving and I have never been to a stadium, or indeed a football match, before.
Had my children with me. One of each sex. Just me to add. No other adults.

Anyway, took my youngest to the female toilet with me just before half time. Two men ( or at least I thought they were) - entered as well. Both very masculine looking and dressed very sporty with very short/ shaved haircuts.

So me being me, said quite nonchalantly to one of them “ this is the ladies “… just that.

One of them responded with “ we ARE female “
I apologised for my mistake and thought that was it.

Well, with that, there was then a tirade of passive aggressive behaviour/ comments from both of them: it was all very unpleasant. They even spoke to each other loudly about me whilst in the cubicles.

I then bumped into them whilst washing my hands and they continued to goad me- staring at me, laughing, telling each other to “ calm down” and “ that I wasn’t worth it” , commenting on my face/ appearance.
It was horrid. And all this time I had my child with me.

AIBU in feeling uncomfortable or was my initial reaction really that provoking?

Preparing to be flamed 😬

You didn't deserve the further comments especially as you apologised. That behaviour on their part was appalling even if they may have felt embarrassed by the incident.

Being nosy - do you now think they are female or still men taking advantage of the situation?

How was the match?

D'oh!

Being nosy or being goady?

Can I ask what the stadium was?

These people were highly aggressive and goady and most stadiums will take a very dim view on that. I bet they didn't continue picking on you when you left the bathrooms? Cowards..

Nothing to be done now but I would personally have reported it at the time.

The loos would have been packed at half time. What did anyone else say when they saw the men speaking to you?

Looking at them I thought they were men. On closer inspection I realised that they were indeed women. No offence meant but it has left me feeling a bit meh. I don’t feel there was any need for their response.

We dived in there literally ten or so minutes before half time. So it was just us.

So me being me, said quite nonchalantly to one of them “ this is the ladies “… just that. you could have said it a bit more nonchalantly and taken more time to assess the situation. How would you like it if someone said you were a bloke?

I'm confused.

Were they but h looking women or men pretending to be women?

You shouldn’t have said anything to them unless you were sure they were men. It was rude of you.

Okay, I did not mean it unkindly. They did look like men. It was only on closer inspection I saw they had delicate facial features and no Adam’s apple. They looked like my teenage son’s friends - no joke .

Your bad I'm afraid. Keep your comments to yourself in future

Thank you
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have said anything. I just felt vulnerable full stop not having been to a stadium before and I had my child with me. With hindsight I am not sure why I said that. Hence the thread .

MYOB

End of

HTH

They were women but could absolutely have passed for men.

Strange thread.

What an odd thing to do.

Maybe in future you’ll just do the toilet, wash your hands, and leave. There was absolutely no need whatsoever to say anything to anyone, no one was bothering you or your child, so yes, YABU. You also can’t really complain about being insulted after you yourself insulted them first.

I don’t think it’s strange at all. I guess what I am asking is was my question to them really that bad to warrant the aggression I received.

Is it reasonable, if you’ve a very androgynous look, to get pissy with a stranger who makes the mistake and then apologises? I don’t think it is.

Yeah most likely they took offence to your ignorant comments.

Thank you for that …just to add calling someone “Karen “ is appalling. Sexist and misogynistic.

Frankly, you were rude - you saw they were women when you looked twice - and you probably deserve the passive-aggressive comments. How do you think they felt?!

My ex used to get this on occasion; she's not super butch but people can be idiots, and I'll tell you, it is nasty having people say this sort of thing.

I also think your post here comes across as if you quite want to start a little fight.