My DD (8) always embarrasses me

[Struggle1]

I’m really upset right now, I know part of it is as I’m feeling depressed and my mental health is very bad but I feel any happy days I have my DD “sabotages” them. I know it’s part of being a child but I’m fed up of it now.

An incident happened earlier today where I was chatting away to a lovely lady at an activity. I felt good today, I’m usually very anxious and shy/introverted but today I thought I’m going to make the most of it and forced myself to interact with people and stop isolating myself. The other mum and I were chatting and I made a comment and my DD contradicted me in front of this mum (and others mums listening in!) and shouted “NO! That’s not true we don’t have that, stop lying mummy”. My face went bright red and the conversation stopped. I felt so embarrassed. Just for context I didn’t lie about this thing it’s just something small which DD realised later we do have once I pointed it out to her. In the car I explained to DD she shouldn’t interrupt when I’m talking to adults. I feel so embarrassed, as I’m generally an anxious person this is affecting me more. A normal person would just laugh and shrug it off but I’m still thinking about it! DH has taken kids to see his mum so I have a few hours to myself and I’m wasting it but replaying the scenerio over and over in my head.

I tried to talk to DH when I got home as I was feeling upset but his response was he doesn’t care and doesn’t have time and has to take his dad somewhere. He called me a weird little bitch (kids were in car and didn’t hear).

You did overreact and you're going to need to work on your self confidence before it damages your relationship with your kids tbh

I’d be more concerned about being called a weird little bitch by your DP.

I'd find your daughter infuriating but would think well, she's 8, she will learn. I'd ask her how she would feel if you did that when she was with her friends.

Your husband - I have no words for him. Does he always treat you like that?

You should just sharply correct your daughter at the time. No need to be embarrassed.

Your husband sounds horrible, no wonder you have self esteem issues.

It sounds like your daughter has learned to put you down from her dad.

8 year old can be annoying and rude. I'd have spoken to my DD, as you did, about not interrupting people but then don't give it another thought. If this is something she does often, I'd remind her before you go anywhere, remember no interrupting today DD. I'm sure the other parent just thought nothing of it. I know I wouldn't have if was the other parent, I have too much of my own stuff going on and dealing with my own kids!

So your husband called you a weird little bitch, but you thought you'd start a thread about your 8 year old, doing a fairly normal 8 year old thing?

I think both your DH and your DD sound really aggressive and unpleasant, to be honest. I'm not surprised you are anxious.

FWIW I'd have looked at my DD if she shouted that and raised an eyebrow and said, 'I BEG your pardon? You are wrong, and you don't speak to adults in that rude way. Now get your things please as you can't behave politely. We are going home to discuss your rudeness'.

I'd have apologised to the nice lady and said, 'I'm so sorry. I suspect my DD is overtired, but I shall take her home now'.

There would have been consequences at home for DD and I'd have expected an apology. No 8 year old should be shouting at their mother telling her she's a liar!

I think you need to focus on your third paragraph. I wonder where your child is learning her behaviour from..

He called you what now??

Children copy their parents, and it sounds as if your husband has modelled having zero respect for you which your daughter is copying.

You say your mental health is bad OP - I get it as mine can be too. But this stood out to me:
I tried to talk to DH when I got home as I was feeling upset but his response was he doesn’t care and doesn’t have time and has to take his dad somewhere. He called me a weird little bitch (kids were in car and didn’t hear).

I wonder how much your 'D'H's responses affect your mental health, far more than your DD's actions.

Well exactly.

Maybe you do need to work on your self confidence as @ButWhatAboutTheBees suggests. But it can't be doing it much good when your DH is so dismissive and unsupportive.

I suggest you focus on him as the problem not your DD

I'd have been told firmly to be quiet and remember my manners if I'd ever done that. Children need to be taught how to behave - but it's not always easy.

That’s kids for you, happened to me loads of times! I agree it’s absolutely annoying! I would correct her in future and say firmly ‘no you are wrong’ and change the subject and distract her - look at how nice ‘ what other kid you see In the distance’ is doing lol that way you avoid a confrontation.

@MILTOBE thank you! It was very infuriating! I go red very easily lol.

@Hermittrismegistus thats a good idea. I should have corrected her straight away rather than privately

I'm guessing your lack of confidence, anxiety, and overthinking is at least partly due to your abusive partner?

It is never acceptable to call someone a "weird little bitch". He's disgusting.

I'd advise you to have therapy to overcome your issues and get stronger. Once you feel stronger emotionally, you can consider your options regarding your piece of shit partner.

You can usually self refer to the NHS Talking Therapies service. If not, your GP can refer you. Or you could access therapy through a charity like Mind or a smaller local one.

Why are you more concerned by what an 8 year old has said to you than a terribly abusive comment from your dh?

@Struggle1 ahhh please don't give it another thought! She sounds like my 8 year old DD, and in the moment it's very annoying!
You've spoken to her, if such an instance happens again, remind her not to interrupt.

The only thing that would annoy me to the point of still thinking about it, would be the comment your DH made.

I would giver her a bollocking
How dare she.

Also you need to divorce him.
No questions asked. I don't need more info.
To not divorce him means you have to suck up your daughter behaviour because why should she respect you?

Also, you say "always"
Does this happen often?

There's nothing wrong with correcting your daughter in front of the other parents in that scenario and follow up with "please don't interrupt when I'm talking" and then return to your conversation.

I think there's probably a lot more going on here though. Your husband's response is very, very unpleasant.

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate the support. Yes I know I have bigger issues than what my DD says to me but in all honesty I need to feel better before anything changes in terms of him.

I agree that you need to work on your confidence. I'd go nuts if any of my kids spoke to me like that.

This. Anything less and you’ll be in for years of trouble. Mine could have been in massive trouble if they did that.

Would have, not could have …